Nature or nurture

System

Pity your ex doesnt realize, its better that he finds someone (whether its someone of the same sex or not) to love and be loved than to hide from ones feelings and bottle them up.

Says me, who's daughter is a lesbian. I'll never in a million years understand why but its not my place to question, just accept.

samtoby

I will be proud what ever happens and if his Dad blames me I will just say taht he determined the sex of our child so if he wants to blame anyone its his fault. So I think from posts above its nature not nuture

mazza111

robpw2 wrote: »

why would you be disapointed. If your child turns out to be gay and tells you then you shouldnt be disappoitned there is nothing to be dissppointed for you , you should be proud that they are mature enought to feel they can confide in you their sexuality and that they are being true to themselves .

and as for kids they would be very much theirs as any other couple who adopt/ have ivf or use a surrogate

I would be. I'm sorry, but I can be totally honest and say I would be disappointed. I'm not homophobic and I'd support any of them who came and told me that they were gay.

The kids obviously couldn't be theirs genetically. Would be one or the other.

Maybe I am homophobic and don't realise it :eek: Each to their own and if it was my son who came home and said he was gay, then I would feel disappointed. I can't change that. Again, I would support him the best way I could. And he knows he can tell me anything. Including asking me to buy a pregnancy test for his gf :mad: Yes lecture happened!!! So, I guess I'm not homophobic in the respect that he would come and tell me if that was the case, but I would still feel disappointment. Don't ask me why, I can't explain it. I do know it would not be his upbringing that made him that way, as what the OP was being blamed for. Children are children and you love them no matter what. But they should also be allowed to be children without the "I'll blame you if he turns out to be gay" accusations.

I'm hopeful that he will still and always be able to come and tell me anything

NewKittenHelp

mazza111 wrote: »

Err - They may be his or his partners but they wouldn't be theirs paternally iykwim. Hey, I'm all for live and let live. And if that's what you are so be it I'm not gonna criticise you or have a go at you, it's your life, live it as you mean to and be happy. That's all of us can do.

I guess I'm getting the couple of quotes because I've said I worried he was gay. I don't think there are many parents who would jump for joy if their child announced they were gay/bi whatever. As I've said before, I'd just rather he was straig
ht. Don't get me wrong, I'd love him just as much and would support him, but I would still be shocked. And probably a bit disappointed. Here we go for round 2, cos as a parent I'd be disappointed.

They wouldn't be 'theirs paternally' if they were adopted, or if your son's wife was unable to conceive. It wouldn't make them any less theirs.

I don't think you're quite getting it - your disappointment is immaterial, it won't change anything. Except, perhaps, your child's opinion of you. And there's only one loser in that scenario.

mazza111

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

They wouldn't be 'theirs paternally' if they were adopted, or if your son's wife was unable to conceive. It wouldn't make them any less theirs.

I don't think you're quite getting it - your disappointment is immaterial, it won't change anything. Except, perhaps, your child's opinion of you. And there's only one loser in that scenario.

I am totally getting it. As I said, I would totally support any child of mine who came to me with whatever they were are. But I think that if any parent says they wouldn't be disappointed are deluding themselves. I'd be disappointed too if my son's wife was unable to conceive. I'd still support her/them. I'd be disappointed (more than) if he went out and murdered someone. I'm disappointed that my daughter will probably never have children due to her disabilities. I said I would be disappointed. I would never show such disappointment though, you see the difference? Those would be my feelings, not something to chastise my children about, after all it's not their fault, nor anyone else's if they are gay. I probably have nothing to feel disappointed for, but I would be.

I can't apologise for who or what I am I would never show the disappointment to the child though. It's my problem not theirs

NewKittenHelp

mazza111 wrote: »

I am totally getting it. As I said, I would totally support any child of mine who came to me with whatever they were are. But I think that if any parent says they wouldn't be disappointed are deluding themselves. I'd be disappointed too if my son's wife was unable to conceive. I'd still support her/them. I'd be disappointed (more than) if he went out and murdered someone. I'm disappointed that my daughter will probably never have children due to her disabilities. I said I would be disappointed. I would never show such disappointment though, you see the difference? Those would be my feelings, not something to chastise my children about, after all it's not their fault, nor anyone else's if they are gay. I probably have nothing to feel disappointed for, but I would be.

I can't apologise for who or what I am I would never show the disappointment to the child though. It's my problem not theirs

I think this says an awful lot more about you than anyone else. I think you should read this.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Amelia/when-your-7-year-old-son-announces-im-gay_b_1277910.html

I've heard a lot of parents who use your argument, that they don't want their children to be gay because it's 'just so hard for gay people'. But here's what they don't get - they contribute to making it 'just so hard'.

You've likened being gay to being a murderer, and you're using pejorative terms like 'fault' - those aren't the thoughts, the words of someone who isn't homophobic, those are the thoughts and words of someone who sees gay people as less than.

belfastgirl23

Dear god...so it's your fault that his son doesn't have a strong enough male role model in his life?
Regardless of anything else that really takes the biscuit!!

lazer

I would also be disappointed if my son or daughter turned out to be gay for 2 reasons

1) There is still discrimination in the world and life will be harder for them if they are gay, and any parent wants their childs life to be as easy as possible

2) Grandchildren

I do not have children yet but my brother is gay, and I am happy that he is in a happy loving relationship with his boyfriend, but he is my only brother and when I hear my friends discuss their nieces and nephews it does niggle at me that I will never have any nieces or nephews and my children won't have cousins etc (obviously depending on their fathers siblings too though).
I would be disappointed if he wasn't gay, was married and was infertile also though.

Anyone that thinks discrimination for gays is in the past is unfortunately mistaken it is still ongoing, which makes life difficult for many gays, and no one wants life to be any more difficult than it needs to be for their family!

NewKittenHelp

lazer wrote: »

I would also be disappointed if my son or daughter turned out to be gay for 2 reasons

1) There is still discrimination in the world and life will be harder for them if they are gay, and any parent wants their childs life to be as easy as possible

2) Grandchildren

I do not have children yet but my brother is gay, and I am happy that he is in a happy loving relationship with his boyfriend, but he is my only brother and when I hear my friends discuss their nieces and nephews it does niggle at me that I will never have any nieces or nephews and my children won't have cousins etc (obviously depending on their fathers siblings too though).
I would be disappointed if he wasn't gay, was married and was infertile also though.

Anyone that thinks discrimination for gays is in the past is unfortunately mistaken it is still ongoing, which makes life difficult for many gays, and no one wants life to be any more difficult than it needs to be for their family!

What makes you think your brother won't have children?

lazer

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

What makes you think your brother won't have children?

They can't have children naturally obviously, and I don't believe they would be willing to jump through the hoops required to allow them to adopt or go through IVF etc.