Nature or nurture

robpw2

mazza111 wrote: »

But that doesn't stop us feeling it. How can we stop feeling something we feel? Please, I would dearly love not to feel that if my son should come to me. I've been totally honest here with all of you, it's my feelings. I would be proud of my son even if he was gay or even if he sprouted an extra head, I'd still be proud that he's grown up to be a fine young lad, but I would still have that disappointment in ME not in him.

ok , im going to let you into a little secret here .. you will know your child is gay long before they come to you and tell you , A mother always knows (they may choose to deny it) so if it turns out they are gay you will need to make your peace before they come to tell you ,

mazza111

robpw2 wrote: »

ok , im going to let you into a little secret here .. you will know your child is gay long before they come to you and tell you , A mother always knows (they may choose to deny it) so if it turns out they are gay you will need to make your peace before they come to tell you ,

Well as I said before, some family members suspected for a while. I didn't. I really thought the dressing up and stuff was an entertainment thing, I guess I don't have to worry, unless I think I'm in denial? No, I really don't think he is.

To the gay guys/gals on here, please don't feel offended by anything I've said. It's my problem this feeling I would have had. Not anyone else's. I'm certainly not homophobic

System

ok , im going to let you into a little secret here .. you will know your child is gay long before they come to you and tell you , A mother always knows (they may choose to deny it) so if it turns out they are gay you will need to make your peace before they come to tell you

I suspected about 12 months before my daughter admitted that she was lesbian... Well we all suspected really but my ideas were confirmed when i was asked to come and look at her flat (the one she shared with her 'friend'.) There was a double bed in the main bedroom and a single bed in the second bedroom which was piled high with cuddly toys... it obviously hadnt been slept in recently.:D

peachyprice

mazza111 wrote: »

I think that if any parent says they wouldn't be disappointed are deluding themselves.

Absolutely not. As long as my children are happy and healthy what's to be disappointed about? And I certainly don't expect them to churn out grand children for my benefit, whether they be straight of gay.

mazza111

Maybe disappointed is not the word I'm looking for here... I don't know. I wouldn't be happy about it. But again, that's probably for selfish reasons and I totally admit to that. No need to keep having a go for it. I admit it.

No actually, I think it probably would be disappointment, again, my problem not my child's. And again I would support my child with whatever they became in life as long as they are happy. I can't say healthy as I have an unhealthy one, through no fault of her own. Guess what, I'm disappointed that she's like that too, not with her, with the situation she's now in. I'm hurting like hell to know that I've passed her a wonky gene that's left her rather disabled. Again it's not her fault, it's nothing she could avoid, but I'm still disappointed... Again, I'm not saying being gay is an illness, I'm just trying to put my feelings down here and be as honest about it as I can be.

I am sorry if you find this offensive. I can't change who or what I am though. I wish I could feel differently.

NewKittenHelp

Judith_W wrote: »

Funnily enough you could actually 'blame' the ex if he turned out gay - not that you would want to of course!!!! It is likely to be down to the lack of time he spends with his DS that has resulted in him picking up your habits/interests rather than those of the ex. Ironic!

It's really not. You can't 'catch' being gay - it's not something that can be prevented, controlled or changed.

mazza111

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

It's really not. You can't 'catch' being gay - it's not something that can be prevented, controlled or changed.

Exactly and that's what the OP was getting at with the blame game by her X. It's just that it got way laid because I said we'd worried about my ds. And it's got rather off topic since then.

daisiegg

samtoby wrote: »

Does he remember all the dressing up etc? Did your Dad ever say anything about the dressing up?

He does remember the dressing up, and hates it - we sometimes tease him about it. There are pictures! I can't remember how my dad reacted....I don't think he liked it (he is very Catholic and therefore very against homosexuality) but I think he realised it was just children playing.

daisiegg

lostinrates wrote: »

He is also as straight as they come and his 'sensitivity' and charm make him extremely attractive to many women. He was never going to be single and like your son OP, is helpful around the place and is pretty much the perfect husband.
.

This is the same with my brother....it seems being raised with lots of female influence has turned him into the perfect boyfriend...by the time he was 10 he didn't even need to think about saying 'you look beautiful' when one of us asked for an opinion....he is never without a girlfriend and they seem to get more and more attractive!

daisiegg

*max* wrote: »

I'm a little uneasy about those saying "...and he's now a strapping young lad"...as if this would automatically preclude homosexuality.
There's still a widespread view that all gay guys are meant to act in a "feminine" way and look somehow more fragile.

I think people are saying that because the OP (or her ex, at least) were worried that their little boy is feminine (a separate issue from being gay). I wanted to point out that all feminine little boys do not turn into feminine men (again, separate from whether they turn out to be gay or straight).