Is 6 months to early to propose? Need an opinion

*Beki*

I've been with my partner for 4years, and we've been living together for 2years- I would definitely say that it's important to see how you both get on with the day-to-day household stuff and not just when you're meeting up for fun dates.

In my opinion 6months is too soon, and the reason why most people (incl perhaps her parents) would think so, is their worry that the relationship wouldn't last. Obviously you've had lots of comments proving that this isn't always the case, but usually after 6months you can't possibly know the person well enough to say that you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

I also think that putting a deadline on when you have to get engaged by is taking all the romance out of it anyway, regardless of whether it's in NY! In today's society no-one will frown upon people who live together and aren't married, or even have kids together and aren't married. I would suggest you take things one step at a time- it's still exciting to have your first place together, and come home from work knowing your partner is there Even making all the domestic decisions together can be fun and a novelty if it's the first time you're doing it, and with someone you love, so there's no need to rush into an engagement for the excitement factor.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

heretolearn_2

Some people do these things quickly, some take their time. Some marriages work, some don't. I'm not convinced there's any real connection between time and the state of the marriage.

So if it feels the right time for you, and it's not just that NY seems a convenient time, then go for it.

One little niggle that was raised for me by your first post...
Has she ever lived away from her parents? They sound quite controlling - she's 25 but not allowed to have you stay with her? Also she used to be a frivolous spender? She could be quite immature in some ways, perhaps, and it might be a good idea for her to think about moving out on her own and getting a taste of independent adult life...
To be honest with you I moved in with my first boyfriend at 18 - too young, too quick - but a large part of it was wanting to move out of my parents. Although they were lovely, I wanted to go and be an independent adult, and boyfriend was my means to an end more than anything.
I can't help wondering if there's an element of this in her rush. She wants to finally be her own woman (at 25!) and grow up, and if her family is quite traditional/religious this may be the only way she can see to do it. Which is not to say that she doesn't love you, or want to be married to you, but it could be pushing things along faster or for not 100% the right motive...lots of people used to get married as the only way to escape the family home.

lazer

heretolearn wrote: »

One little niggle that was raised for me by your first post...
Has she ever lived away from her parents? They sound quite controlling - she's 25 but not allowed to have you stay with her?

I don't think this is controlling at all - he is allowed to stay, jsut in seperate rooms.
It is their house and their rules, they have their morals or religious viewpoint, and anyone staying in their house should respect that.

I am 29, and getting married in 3 weeks, and my fiance has always slept in a seperate bed to me in our parents house.

Fuzzy_Duck

Why not ask her to move in with you instead? I'll definitely advise living together first and see how that pans out. I've been with my OH six years and living with him for three- it took that long just to convince him to rent a flat with me so I certainly don't see a proposal coming my way anytime soon

Having said that, it's not all been smiles and laughs. It was fun at first, picking out furniture and working out where our stuff would go before putting our feet up with a takeaway and bottle of wine. But we've had a fair amount of stresses too- losing jobs, struggling to pay the bills, dealing with awful landlords who won't fit the boiler. There have been many times where we've been totally and utterly fed up with the situation, and we've got angry and frustrated with each other, but despite the stresses we have stayed together.

I guess what I'm saying is it's best to experience more mundane things together before you embark on a marriage which is harder to get out of. It's very different when you don't see each other often and dedicate that time to doing fun things. See if you can cope living together first. She may well be traditional but these days many people see it as common sense to try living together before committing yourselves.

Bufger

Go for it.

My parents were engaged and married within 8 months of getting together. 27 years later and they're off to New York today followed by Mexico for a couple of weeks to celebrate another anniversary. They're really happilly married and bought up me and my brother in a loving home.

It truly is about how much you love each other and how you ride the rough times through when they come.

VestanPance

My personal opinion is that six months is far to soon. You hardly really know someone in that period of time.