delicate subject - abortion

marywooyeah

I can see this going round in circles but it all boils down to one thing - people do, have and probably always will feel differently about abortion.

People like welshwoofs and other posters who wanted abortions, didn't suffer and don't regret it, people like misha who obviously have suffered and may be continuing to suffer.

The "bunch of !!!!!!" referred to by Welshwoofs may be just that in the eyes of someone who didn't want their baby, it may be the saving of someone who is struggling to cope with their loss and finds help and support in those words.

Whilst I find it concerning that WW describes "giving more thought to choosing a takeaway" to the life of her child and describes having an abortion as as a "trivial issue", that is simply how some women view abortion. I can recall another poster a long time ago saying she compared having a baby to choosing a pair of shoes. To others, abortion can be a major source of pain, suffering, guilt and other negative emotions.

Consideration needs to be given to both the pro life and the pro choice views when a woman is deciding whether or not to have a baby or end their pregnancy. Without all the facts for all options, how can anyone truly make an informed decision that they feel comfortable with and feel sure they will always be comfortable with what they decide to do?

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

There's no rule about how women have to feel about their abortion. Every woman is an individual and Welshwoof's experience is just as valid as yours.

That is quite true, but there will be a percentage of women who find the tone of the post quite insensitive given their take on the subject.

When I was 18 I accompanied a friend to a clinic where she underwent a termination. At that time I could clearly see that relief was her strongest emotion. At that time in her life it was what she wanted and it was done quickly and without much if any angst. However, if you asked her today she would say that it was one of the biggest regrets of her life. She was never able to conceive again, and despite IVF and GIFT she was unable to have a child. Ultimately, that caused her marriage breakdown and the alienation of all her friends (including me) who were able to have children, as she completely cut us all off when we got pregnant.

For every woman who feels only relief there will be another for whom it is a life changing event. When speaking about abortion it is important that all those emotions/reactions are seen as valid and taken account of.

Errata

mishkanorman wrote: »

no, but there are rules to sensitivity towards others on this site.

im not saying she should be weeping and moaning that its the worst thing to ever happen to them, im asking for a bit of respect towards those of us who didnt find the whole process a breeze.

I can't see anything disrespectful or insensitive in WW's post. I would guess her experience of abortion is shared by a vast number of women.

marywooyeah

Errata wrote: »

I can't see anything disrespectful or insensitive in WW's post. I would guess her experience of abortion is shared by a vast number of women.

Equally Misha's experience is likely shared by a vast number of women - there are numerous support groups online and in person for women suffering after an abortion, whether it's something they wanted or not.

mishkanorman

Errata wrote: »

I can't see anything disrespectful or insensitive in WW's post. I would guess her experience of abortion is shared by a vast number of women.

im sure her experience is shared by many women, but this is a widely viewed forum where there are several who have also voiced the total opposite experience - and who knows how many others who may be reading,

her experience can be re-told without trying to make me seem some over-sensitive loon because it is one of the worst things to happen in my life !

faerie~spangles

I've had three miscarriages, two live births and one abortion, in that order.

The miscarriages were horrendous experiences.

The live births were joyous.

The abortion was a necessity.


Would I advise my daughter to have an abortion?

Yes.


Giving birth to another human being is AWESOME.

Dropping a kid because your body can and you have no means of ensuring that child will be well cared for, is wrong.

coolcait

First of all, I hope that the girl in the OP's post makes the right decision for her. That's the bottom line. And that's why threads like this may not really help in making the decision - especially when the dilemma is posted by a third party.

Every woman who has an abortion experiences it on a very personal level. How could they experience it any other way? The fact that some other women have found it a traumatic experience doesn't mean that it will be a traumatic experience for this girl. The fact that some other women have not found it a traumatic experience doesn't mean that it will be trauma free for her.

I really don't see how an internet debate on other people's experiences is helpful to her or others in the same situation. Her decision has to be based on her circumstances, her feelings, her beliefs, and what she feels is right for her.

amyloofoo

newcook wrote: »

My friends daughter confided in me that she missed a period and a test showed she is pregnant (maybe 3 weeks). She is 18 and has already decided that she doesn’t want to continue with the pregnancy (I had already offered my full support in what ever she decided to do).

You're right that abortion is a very sensitive subject, and deciding to terminate a pregnancy is deeply personal - so is there any reason in particular that your friend's daughter has chosen to confide in you rather than her family (although I've just seen that her mother isn't on the scene, so there may be issues there)? Obviously it's her own decision and dependent on personal circumstances, but she may well get a lot more support and sympathy (and possibly good advice) if she talks to her Dad or other close family member.

We have looked on the internet and can see that there are a couple of options to terminate the pregnancy – either by a course of pills over a couple of days or surgery that involves suction though neither of us are sure what would be more suitable for her.

Both methods are dependent on how far along she is, and each has their own benefits and problems. I'm pleased to see that she's booked into a clinic, and hopefully the staff will give her good advice, however it may also be a good idea to get some pre-abortion or pregnancy counselling to ensure that she's come to terms with the emotional impact of her decision. http://www.careconfidential.com/Onlineadvisor.aspx offer free counselling online or in person, and are a non-judgemental and independent space to explore all of her options and feelings.

I have also said to her that she is free to change her mind right up to the last minute and will help tell her dad if she wants (her mother isnt around)

It will obviously always be her choice, and some people cope with the procedure really well, but encouraging her to share this with her Dad could be really beneficial for her coming to terms with her decision. Also, if she suffers physically or emotionally following a termination then both her and your relationship with her father could suffer. Also, you're talking about telling her father, but has anyone considered telling the father? There are many reasons why he may not be involved, but if he can be then he's a potential source of support for this young woman, and however determined she is, she'll be upset and vulnerable following such an emotional (and hormonal) procedure.

Have any of you had a termination? What procedure did you decide on and why?

I have professional experience of both methods of abortion, and medical and clinical advice should be sought as they both have disadvantages. Having said that, in my opinion a medical rather than clinical abortion is usually best, as terminations which use the 'pill' have many of the same distressing and painful experiences of a miscarriage, and can be very traumatising particularly for young women. A medical termination under general anaesthetic tends to 'medicalise' the procedure and allows women to distance themselves from the emotion of what's happening. This can be very beneficial, but there are obviously additional risks with taking a general anaesthetic.

I wish yourself and your friend's daughter well, it's not an enviable position and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I know there are those who will judge, but it's important that she makes the decision that's best for her and is able to live without regrets following it.

:grouphug:

coinxoperated

I'm so fed up of reading about pro-life and anti-abortion.

I think firstly she should be discussing her method of contraception so she can avoid this situation in the future. I'm sorry, but there are plenty if different things you can use to stop getting pregnant that are effective. She needs to be educated in this.

Secondly, get her to her GP and they'll talk to her about her options and procedures available should she want an abortion.

Nobody should be led to this decision, it needs to be there own. Support is all you can give.

We are in 2012, we may not having flying cars yet but we DO have a choice to rectify mistakes that can have such a big impact on our lives.

I have experience of abortion, via the 'pill' method, and it's painful. Well I found it painful. Just like period cramps for a couple of days, but more intense.

Do or have I ever regretted it? God no! One of the better decisions I have made!

I had the implant but I had some medication changed that knocked its ability to work properly. Just an accident!

heartbreak_star

I think too many people don't differentiate between a baby and a zygote. An unviable cell mass is not a baby any way you look at it.

Incidentally, Care Confidential are scaremongerers, and I told them as much - one of their more religious advisors offered me "spiritual help to make the right decision"...which was not abortion. Marie Stopes and Brook - so much better.

HBS x