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delicate subject - abortion

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  • marywooyeah
    marywooyeah Posts: 2,670 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    if the OP does decide to come back then I think it's great she is supportive of this girl but unfortunately the hospitals dont always provide "non directional counselling". I specifically asked repeatedly about keeping the baby who I very much wanted and not once was I given any help, nor was adoption ever raised. It was just "abortion abortion abortion" and anyone who knows me on here knows what happened to me.

    unfortunately when you see something everyday you can become hardened to it and although for your daughter's friend this is a huge thing for her she could be just another young pregnant girl coming through their doors to them. it shouldn't be like that but sometimes it is and this girl needs to be given full attention, advice and support for whatever she chooses to do

    Another poster hit the nail on the head when they said she is seeing this through a young person's eyes - she needs to know the whole spectrum before she can make a decision.

    places like brook and marie stopes are not likely to provide any pro life points of view as they make money out of abortions. is there a local pregnancy crisis centre you could take her to? alternatively she could contact Care Confidential - here is a link below:

    http://www.careconfidential.com/Onlineadvisor.aspx

    and in response to your question about the types of procedure, I was given a surgical abortion which I found very painful, I literally felt like I had my baby had been sucked out of me it was horrible. There was a lot of blood that lasted for about 9 or 10 days and I contracted pelvic inflammatory disease from the abortion which was diagnosed four and a half years later when it caused me to miscarry another baby. By this time it had done a lot of damage to my womb and we have been told I will likely struggle to carry another baby full term.

    some people report little or no pain and move on with their lives seemingly easily. others have a lot of physical pain, some people never move on and suffer a lot of trauma. each woman is different and your friend's daughter needs to be absolutely sure she is making an informed decision as an abortion can never be undone.
  • places like brook and marie stopes are not likely to provide any pro life points of view as they make money out of abortions. is there a local pregnancy crisis centre you could take her to? alternatively she could contact Care Confidential - here is a link below:

    http://www.careconfidential.com/Onlineadvisor.aspx.

    Abortion clinics (by their nature) are pro choice, rather than pro life. Otherwise they wouldn't exist... But that's not to say that they push women into having an abortion if there are other better alternatives. I have been inside a Marie Stopes clinic and they were not pushing abortion as the only option. They asked several times if the woman (not me) was sure it was the right decision and whether she had considered adoption etc.
    Don't worry about typing out my username - Call me COMP
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  • System
    System Posts: 178,371 Community Admin
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    Putting myself in the girls shoes there would have been no way i'd have gone to my Father to tell him i was pregnant. I felt bad enough knowing he knew i was having sex.

    No my Dad wasnt an ogre, he would have supported me no matter what because he loved me but he was my Dad and i was his little girl.

    As it was, i was very much married and pregnant at 18 so i was never in that position.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • All of these posts and only 1 mention for the potential father?? IMO he should be part of the decision process too. Also your friends daughter should be encouraged more to confide in her father now. It will come out eventually and that is just going to cause more problems in the future.

    OP, it reads as if you were less after advice on the matter, more after an ego stroke for how good a person you have been. All I would say is support but do not influence and the main support comes in the weeks after. At 18 she will probably have many more important events in her life than this and years from now it will not even be a distant thought!
    Hey, Im a noooooooooob and have no idea what I should put here!
  • The potential father of my baby never knew. He would have wanted me to keep it, and I do not want children. In principle I agree with the father being part of the decision, but in practise it's the woman who has to carry the baby, have her life disrupted, give up her job for a time, maybe get morning sickness, watch her body change, go through the pain of birth etc. etc. More problems arise especially if he decides he doesn't like fatherhood after the baby is born.

    I'm certain that not all young men are like that, but if I'd been forced to have my baby then I would have brought it up with resentment and had a very dysfunctional family unit. Better an abortion while (IMO - no flaming please!) it's still just a bunch of cells. A child should be brought into the world with a loving mum as well as a loving dad.

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Bremainer
  • j.e.j.
    j.e.j. Posts: 9,672 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    jplip1207 wrote: »
    All of these posts and only 1 mention for the potential father?? IMO he should be part of the decision process too. Also your friends daughter should be encouraged more to confide in her father now. It will come out eventually and that is just going to cause more problems in the future.

    OP, it reads as if you were less after advice on the matter, more after an ego stroke for how good a person you have been. All I would say is support but do not influence and the main support comes in the weeks after. At 18 she will probably have many more important events in her life than this and years from now it will not even be a distant thought!

    oh, OP please don't read too much into this post!

    there could be myriad reasons why the father wasn't mentioned in the original post, and who the girl tells or doesn't tell is entirely up to her.

    I shall bow out now, as I can see this thread turning into mud-slinging and arguments, maybe because of the emotive nature of the issue being discussed. I hope some of the posts here have helped the OP, anyway.
  • The potential father of my baby never knew. He would have wanted me to keep it, and I do not want children. In principle I agree with the father being part of the decision, but in practise it's the woman who has to carry the baby, have her life disrupted, give up her job for a time, maybe get morning sickness, watch her body change, go through the pain of birth etc. etc. More problems arise especially if he decides he doesn't like fatherhood after the baby is born.

    I'm certain that not all young men are like that, but if I'd been forced to have my baby then I would have brought it up with resentment and had a very dysfunctional family unit. Better an abortion while (IMO - no flaming please!) it's still just a bunch of cells. A child should be brought into the world with a loving mum as well as a loving dad.

    HBS x

    No flaming from here. I respect you for being open on your experience.

    It must be very difficult where the woman intends to have an abortion and the man wants to keep it though I would guess this is not a regular occurence.

    I just think that in most cases the woman must face these decisions/consequences on her own and the man skips down the road blissfully unaware. Where the woman would probably learn from her experience, the man does not and the whole process starts again!
    Hey, Im a noooooooooob and have no idea what I should put here!
  • The girl sounds perfectly clear in her mind what she wants to do. She wants an abortion and she doesn't want to tell her dad or the baby's dad.

    Those three decisions are her prerogative and the OP is supportive of that. I don't see the point of debating anything her decisions here. It's not like we are going to make any difference to the situation, are we. But if her dad is going to be difficult and not able to support her decision, then I totally understand why she wants to keep him out of the loop. Who wouldn't?

    All the OP wanted was some info on the different methods and she got a bit of that but mainly advice to wait and speak to the doctors.
    Cash not ash from January 2nd 2011: £2565.:j

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  • Welshwoofs
    Welshwoofs Posts: 11,146 Forumite
    newcook wrote: »

    Have any of you had a termination? What procedure did you decide on and why?


    Yes, I had an abortion when I was 22. I didn't get any choice about what sort of procedure I'd get and in all honesty I didn't bother exploring the choices...I just wanted the problem sorted ASAP.

    As it turned out, I had the surgical procedure rather than pills. It was an in and out on the same day job and was completely painless for me after. A little spotting for a few days and that was it. The worst part of the whole process was that I was put in a ward with women who wanted children but had miscarried and the biatch of a nurse I got referred loudly and often to my termination and generally treated me like something she'd stepped in.

    Apart from that ignorant mare...I've never had a second's regret about my decision.
    “Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.”
    Dylan Moran
  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    jplip1207 wrote: »
    It will come out eventually and that is just going to cause more problems in the future.

    There's no reason, whatsoever, why it would ever need to come out eventually, I can't understand why you would this that it's inevitable it will.

    I't the girls private life and it will stay that way for as long as she wants it to.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
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