Would you pay to go to a wedding?

TheConways

Whilst I think the bride (AND groom - why is it always "the bride wants..", when frequently men are just as demanding?) are being very presumptuous in expecting guests to pay for food, I think it is unrealistic to suggest everyone can have a village hall affair with friends and family providing catering.

None of my friends have family/friends in the same area, my close family is now split across four countries - and i'm an only child, and so realistically, a wedding is now one of the few times we all get together. I know numerous friends in similar positions - we're attending the wedding of two great friends this weekend who live close by... But they are getting married in their home country, so another flight beckons!

My parents had a simple wedding 30years ago with dinner at a local restaurant afterwards. This worked well, and the three close friends they did invite are still close friends 30 years on. However, reality is that couples meet and family are far and wide - expecting people to travel a long way for sausage rolls and egg sarnies (or worse, being asked to pay for it) isn't possible, and so these things get expensive.

My advice would be to be a friend to the bride and groom by encouraging her to scale down their wedding to affordable proprtions.

NewKittenHelp

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

People don't need to be local to help out with catering for a small DIY 'do'... they can bring non-perishables, stay with local relatives or whatever. It just needs a different way of thinking.

I think you're missing the point - in many cases there aren't local relatives to stay with. People move. My friends are spread out across the world now, and so are his. My family are at one side of the country, his another. When we get around to it we will have to cater for everyone and that includes picking a place that's easy enough for the majority of people to get to, and has enough variety in accommodation to cater for all budgets.

As it happens we'll be providing accommodation for most of our friends so that'll be one less thing to worry about for them, but the rest shall have to fend for themselves accommodation wise.

Your twee idea of what a wedding should be like might work well in the 1950s, but it's impractical for the modern day.

ska_lover

On a totally different note from above, if a person asks for cash for a wedding gift - how much is sufficient to give to avoid looking like a tight wad?

GobbledyGook

You can have the small, local hall wedding with low cost catering without having a large family to help out.

If people took the time to research options they could save an absolute fortune on their wedding.

When I got married we had our reception in the local hall. We used a local caterer and for less than £8 a head they put together an excellent buffet meal. Ex-husband was happy for me to spend what I wanted, but I had the most amazing day. People talked about our wedding for ages afterwards, particularly for the pizza, fish and chips delivery at night, and assumed that we spent a similar amount to my (then) friends £35k day when we spent less than 6k and over 1k of that was on our holiday of a lifetime honeymoon.

People will say that was because it was 10 years ago, but last year I helped a colleague source catering for her wedding and just by ringing around she brought the cost of the 3 course meal she wanted down from around £50 a head in a hotel to £16 a head (and it was one of the nicest steak pie meals I've ever had).

You can actually have a lot on your big day without spending silly sums of money as well. However I only have a gripe with people who can't afford it having big days and expecting their parents and family to fund them or people who have no consideration for their guests. I don't understand the logic in having everything solely for the bride and groom on the day - surely it's a much better day if all your guests are happy and comfortable as well?!

sedment

The bride sounds like a brat to be honest! I couldnt be done with that. Seriously, paying for your own food at a wedding reception is the daftest thing i have ever heard! Is there no-one to sit down with her and the groom and give them a reality check? If you havent got the money, you cant have a big do, end of. We got married four years ago, in a civil ceremony, which cost less than 200 pounds, with immediate family only, and then had a marquee and band in my mums back garden.We had a cold buffet and strawberries and cream for dessert and my friends dads band played at night for our reception. Never asked for gifts, just donations for the local cancer charity. It doesnt matter how much it costs, it doesnt make you more married, unless you get married within your religion.

Tiddlywinks

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

I think you're missing the point - in many cases there aren't local relatives to stay with. People move. My friends are spread out across the world now, and so are his. My family are at one side of the country, his another. When we get around to it we will have to cater for everyone and that includes picking a place that's easy enough for the majority of people to get to, and has enough variety in accommodation to cater for all budgets.

As it happens we'll be providing accommodation for most of our friends so that'll be one less thing to worry about for them, but the rest shall have to fend for themselves accommodation wise.

Your twee idea of what a wedding should be like might work well in the 1950s, but it's impractical for the modern day.

Um, there's cheap deals on Travel Lodge, Premier Inn etc where you can fit 4 to a room... then there are always cheap B&Bs, tents, caravans etc.

My 'twee' idea is not possible now in 2012 eh? Well, I'll have to explain that to my cousin who did just this in Bury with rellies and friends from home and away - it's possible, it's just that people now seem to think that they *have* to use a formal provider rather the DIY and would rather borrow money than limit themselves to something more affordable.

meritaten

Weddings are now 'big productions' - and the bride thinks that EVERYONE should be contributing to HER big day. What happened to 'We are getting married and want you to come along and share in our happiness'?
I am starting to groan now when I get a wedding invite! a friends daughter is getting married next year and I already feel hassled! first of all they wanted us to book a room at the wedding venue! eff off - its nearly £200 a night! that caused a major row between OH and myself. now the brides parents are phoning on a weekly basis 'reminding' us to book rooms, taxis etc - I feel like saying - 'sod off I aint coming'! is that being a grumpy old sod? or, am I harking back to the old days when all a guest had to do was turn up in best clothes and get !!!!!! at the reception?

Idiophreak

MiddyMum wrote: »

*Sigh*

Not really...I am talking about blatant segregation amongst guests. Certain guests that can go to church vs certain guests that can only go to reception/evening meal. Certain guests that can only go to church vs certain guests that can go to church and to the meal, I could go on. I believe all wedding guests should be treated equal, and thus, IF I felt that I needed to employ those sort of tactics to be money savvy then I would scale down my expectations for the wedding itself, to ensure that everyone could enjoy the entire experience, not just parts of it.

Just my opinion of course.

I think you're attempting to shift away from what your original point, here.

For what it's worth, I completely agree with you re: wedding politics. I *hate* the idea of "A list" and "B list" guests, so when I got married, I had all 130 people to the whole thing, start to finish. You know what, though? It cost a lot of money to do that.

I absolutely refuse to judge someone who can't afford to do the same and am happy to receive an invite to any part of someone's special day.

Your suggestion that "evening guests" is simply a mechanism to harvest more presents is insulting, mean and shows a complete lack of empathy for other people.

andygb

lovinituk wrote: »

That's pretty much how we did ours 4 years ago!

We did it twenty years today - local church, one of my mates from the camera club did the photos (great job as well:D), church hall for the reception (mum, sis and neighbours did the food - tasty:beer:), so what the heck has happened to people lately?

The problem is, that so many people are wrapped up in themselves - "me, me, me, OMG, OMG, OMG, I am so stressed", and they expect others to fall into line with their unrealistic expectations.

MiddyMum

Idiophreak wrote: »

I think you're attempting to shift away from what your original point, here.

For what it's worth, I completely agree with you re: wedding politics. I *hate* the idea of "A list" and "B list" guests, so when I got married, I had all 130 people to the whole thing, start to finish. You know what, though? It cost a lot of money to do that.

I absolutely refuse to judge someone who can't afford to do the same and am happy to receive an invite to any part of someone's special day.

Your suggestion that "evening guests" is simply a mechanism to harvest more presents is insulting, mean and shows a complete lack of empathy for other people.

How can I be the mean one, when I am not the one doing it? :rotfl:If 130 people was expensive, maybe you shouldn't have invited all of those people?

I still stand by what I say, some people will ONLY invite guests to make up the numbers. For some, having lots of people at a wedding looks better then lets say, a measly 5 at a low key registry office do. People can be unecessarily showy when it comes to weddings, and I feel that the way certain people treat their guests shows them up for who they really are (just like the OP's friend who wants to charge their guests for their meal - Rediculous) , and by that I do think some people like the idea of having lots of gifts, only to not speak to the people who bought them the gift ever again. Just because that wasn't your motive for inviting certain guests, it doesn't mean that motive does not exist! And lastly, you don't have to like my opinion but I am still going to share it anyway.

P.s I don't understand why you are fussed about it as you treated your guests fine?