Would you pay to go to a wedding?

FBaby

kitschkitty wrote: »

My personal viewpoint is that if the couple ask guests well in advance if as an additional part of the celebrations they would like to join them for a meal in a restaurant where the cost will be x amount and the guests get to choose their meal (and this isn't as part of an already planned bigger/more lavish wedding) then that's perfectly acceptable.

But if a couple organise a wedding and then come to realise they can't afford catering and ask guest to pay for a meal as part of the already planned wedding - thus making guests feel awkward about attending the wedding celebrations (as a whole) that's not cool.

It's really about the meal being part of the planned celebration with all the guests vs the meal being a low key additional part of the day that the newly-weds are happy to share with guests but don't consider an integral part of the celebrations.

To answer the OP I would only be happy to pay if either I was close to the couple (and knew they hadn't spent the catering budget elsewhere) or if I knew the food I was going to get was going to be really good!

I hadn't read this before posting. Totally agree!

kitschkitty

MiddyMum wrote: »

Not really...I am talking about blatant segregation amongst guests. Certain guests that can go to church vs certain guests that can only go to reception/evening meal. Certain guests that can only go to church vs certain guests that can go to church and to the meal, I could go on. I believe all wedding guests should be treated equal, and thus, IF I felt that I needed to employ those sort of tactics to be money savvy then I would scale down my expectations for the wedding itself, to ensure that everyone could enjoy the entire experience, not just parts of it.

Just my opinion of course.

Do you feel that only in relation to money?
I only ask, as I had plenty of additional evening guests including some I definitely would not have wanted at the ceremony & wedding breakfast - only our nearest and dearest (and any partners that had too be invited too) were invited to those (not only from a financial angle)!
I also know some of the evening guests only enjoy a party and wouldn't have been very interested/enjoyed the rest of the day much had they been invited!

cazziebo

FBaby wrote: »

Arggg, I thought of doing that and my partner said no way!!! We are in our 40s and most of our friends are excellent cooks and love doing it. We don't need wedding presents and I know it can be quite stressful for guests to choose something when the couple already have everything, so i thought doing a 'dish' list, where people could either buy something or make it themselves, or of course not bring anything, was a nice alternative. I know my closest friends and family would like this much better and it certainly would be a cheaper option for guests than a present, but if it is seen as rude, than clearly I will quickly forget about it!!!!

I think this is lovely. Friends of mine did this - hired the local rugby club and friends were asked to contribute to the buffet. She kept a list to ensure we didn't have 23 bowls of coleslaw and nothing else.:rotfl: I did the baked potatoes which was the extent of my culinary ability at the time.

There is something special about cooking and sharing food with others - and meant the buffet was far more exciting than many a professional job.

And just to go against the grain here, I wouldn't mind paying to go to a wedding. Rather pay for a meal than be expected to trek half way across the world to a "destination wedding".

robpw2

\can you go and opt out of food because if there is no choice then im afraid i would say no

floss2

heretolearn wrote: »

.....Lets face it, to get a really amazing buffet you need to spend a lot more. At that price it's bound to be the same old boring sausage rolls/sandwiches/wraps/bit of salad/cubes of cheese that any family could put together anyway? I doubt it's going to include anything really impressive or professional. mmmm dreaming of the 'parma-wrapped grilled asparagus tips' and the 'chilli and cheese stuffed tempura cherry tomatoes' I had recently at a real pro buffet...).....

Very off topic but if you were a guest at one of my Christmas parties or for dinner then it is likely that you would get this, along with cream cheese stuffed tempura chillies or mini beef Wellington. And I'm not a professional cook and neither is DH, just passionate & experienced amateurs.

easy

FBaby wrote: »

Yet it is quite common to expect guests to pay for their own restaurant bill when celebrating big birthdays. Is it really that different?

Is it ? To be honest I wouldn't be pleased with that either. If I'm INVITED to celebrate with someone (wedding/birthday/retirement/christening whatever), then that INVITATION should include the costs. If it doesn't, then it isn't an invitation, it's a suggestion someone should join in, and the fact that they will be paying their own way should be made clear "We're going to X for a meal next week. I could book for 2 more if you want to come too, I think it's about £25 per head for dinner"

At my 40th we invited 3 couples to join us, and we paid for a lovely meal in a swish restaurant. The reason we only asked 3 couples is that we figured we could afford to do it that way, and they were our close friends.

floss2

robpw2 wrote: »

\can you go and opt out of food because if there is no choice then im afraid i would say no

I like this idea - if you are going to have to pay, why not take a picnic!

easy

mrsrobertson wrote: »

A good friend of mine had her 3rd wedding on a 'budget' and requested we pay £25 each for the meal...

I didn't mind too much until she bought a £1,500 wedding dress.

Needless to say i didn't buy her a gift.

The meal was awful too, we got a chippy delivered in the hotel car park later on!

Hmm, any significance in the fact that it was her 3rd wedding ??

I worry about people who get so hung up about their wedding they forget about the marriage.

20 years ago we had a lovely wedding, register office at 1:00 pm, followed by a lovely lunch at a country hotel for 38 people (inc us). My parents paid the food bill - at their insistence, DH and I used our annual bonuses from work to buy the champagne (and pay corkage at the hotel), a couple of speeches and it was all over by 5:30 p.m. No expensive evening do (my best friend was really shocked by this), DH and I went off to another hotel to start our married life. I believe my parents went out to dinner with closest friends & family- but this was a spontaneous action and everyone paid for themselves.

The point is that we had a wedding in order to be married - to show people we loved each other and made a lifelong commitment. Not to have a multi-thousand pound party where some folk get too drunk to remember it, and the bride looks like a meringue on a dress that costs too much.

20 years later here we are, still married and still in love (aaaarh).

mildred1978

heretolearn wrote: »

I've even been to a low-budget informal wedding where they provided home- made wine and beer, and asked everyone to bring picnic items to share for the food, and no-one was offended or upset by this as it created a nice atmosphere. Some people brought a lot, some people brought literally a 2-pack of sandwiches, but it all worked out fine and it's still not the same as being sent a bill for your food!) Even ordering a batch load of fish n chips from the local shop would be better ....

We went to the wedding of a family friend last year which really was done on a shoestring. After the simple church service the reception was held in a barn on her dad's farm. She wore her mother's wedding dress. The flowers came from the groom's mother's garden. A number of the close friends and immediate family were asked to bring a dish/piece of cheese or whatever which made for a lovely informal buffet. Anyone who could sing or play a musical instrument was asked to spend 5-10 minutes providing some entertainment. The mother of the bride made a very simple cake.

It was one of the nicest weddings I've ever been to, because everybody felt part of it, not just "invited to see the show".

MiddyMum

kitschkitty wrote: »

Do you feel that only in relation to money?
I only ask, as I had plenty of additional evening guests including some I definitely would not have wanted at the ceremony & wedding breakfast - only our nearest and dearest (and any partners that had too be invited too) were invited to those (not only from a financial angle)!
I also know some of the evening guests only enjoy a party and wouldn't have been very interested/enjoyed the rest of the day much had they been invited!

My opinion on the matter is simple. I will only invite people that I would want to enjoy my entire wedding. If size of the venue/finances restricts the amount of people I can invite, I will restrict the amount of people I invite to the entire wedding. I will also scale down my wedding expectations. If 2k would get me a talk of the year marquee but my guests have to open their wallet for a meal or only half of my guests can eat for free and the rest have to go home then something is wrong there! This is a matter of principles for me. If some of my invitees only want to go to the church but are not up for the " do " then that is their choice. I just can't get my head round this mindset that a lot of people seem to have nowadays " I will invite Martha & John to the evening do, but I dont want them at the breakfast ceremony, that's just for the nearest and dearest " Seriously, just don't invite them at all! I would never feel good knowing that I am not in the " nearest and dearest club " which is why I didn't get to see the bride walk down the aisle! But I'll do for the !!!! up. No thanks.