Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Alisha2008

I'm spanish and in Spain everyone does this.. in fact lately they even put the Bank Account number on the invitations! The "norm" is that each guest gives enough money to cover their meal + gift.

I personally find this disgusting and if I got married (I don't think i will), nothing would make me happier than being able to invite the people I love to a nice meal & party, and expect nothing in return.

On the other hand I find really difficult to give a nice present to a couple that have been living together for years and have everything.. but this is a different issue!

marisco_2

I dont get the brides logic or way of thinking. Personally I think it cheapens their day, no pun intended, to expect guests to pay for any catering laid on. That is not the normal etiquette at all. Why dont they look at changing the venue or inviting less people and then they would be able to pay for the catering themselves. A little common sense needs to be applied by the bride and groom here I think.

FBaby

Hermia wrote: »

A friend of mine tried to do this with her wedding. She asked guests to bring a dish for the buffet or offer another service (e.g. pick up the elderly guests and drive them to/from the wedding) instead of giving her a gift. Some of the guests were not impressed at the idea of having to provide labour on the day! A few of our mutual friends said they could imagine that relatives/friends of theirs who saw weddings as a chance to party would also not be impressed with a request like that.

Arggg, I thought of doing that and my partner said no way!!! We are in our 40s and most of our friends are excellent cooks and love doing it. We don't need wedding presents and I know it can be quite stressful for guests to choose something when the couple already have everything, so i thought doing a 'dish' list, where people could either buy something or make it themselves, or of course not bring anything, was a nice alternative. I know my closest friends and family would like this much better and it certainly would be a cheaper option for guests than a present, but if it is seen as rude, than clearly I will quickly forget about it!!!!

FBaby

By the way, in my case, it wasn't a consideration due to costs at all, just that I thought it was more exciting to eat food cooked by those who enjoy doing so (especially as I have friends from different countries) and that they would enjoy this more than bringing a boring present. I would never expect guests to bring a present and/or pay for their meal.

19lottie82

I just can't believe someone wouldn't be embarrassed asking guests to contribute to the wedding - I (along with 99% of the population, at a guess) would be absolutely mortified!

lolavix

MiddyMum wrote: »

*Sigh*

Not really...I am talking about blatant segregation amongst guests. Certain guests that can go to church vs certain guests that can only go to reception/evening meal. Certain guests that can only go to church vs certain guests that can go to church and to the meal, I could go on. I believe all wedding guests should be treated equal, and thus, IF I felt that I needed to employ those sort of tactics to be money savvy then I would scale down my expectations for the wedding itself, to ensure that everyone could enjoy the entire experience, not just parts of it.

Just my opinion of course.

I understand the other side though - if i was to get married, I have many aquantainces (sp) and not so close friends who I would be happy to have at a reception and would be glad to see, but I wouldn't be as happy to have a rammed wedding service and a sit down meal for them all...

MiddyMum

lolavix wrote: »

I understand the other side though - if i was to get married, I have many aquantainces (sp) and not so close friends who I would be happy to have at a reception and would be glad to see, but I wouldn't be as happy to have a rammed wedding service and a sit down meal for them all...

To be honest, I think a lot of people only invite certain guests to make up the numbers and I don't agree with it really.

kitschkitty

My personal viewpoint is that if the couple ask guests well in advance if as an additional part of the celebrations they would like to join them for a meal in a restaurant where the cost will be x amount and the guests get to choose their meal (and this isn't as part of an already planned bigger/more lavish wedding) then that's perfectly acceptable.

But if a couple organise a wedding and then come to realise they can't afford catering and ask guest to pay for a meal as part of the already planned wedding - thus making guests feel awkward about attending the wedding celebrations (as a whole) that's not cool.

It's really about the meal being part of the planned celebration with all the guests vs the meal being a low key additional part of the day that the newly-weds are happy to share with guests but don't consider an integral part of the celebrations.

To answer the OP I would only be happy to pay if either I was close to the couple (and knew they hadn't spent the catering budget elsewhere) or if I knew the food I was going to get was going to be really good!

Hermia

MiddyMum wrote: »

*Sigh*

Not really...I am talking about blatant segregation amongst guests. Certain guests that can go to church vs certain guests that can only go to reception/evening meal. Certain guests that can only go to church vs certain guests that can go to church and to the meal, I could go on. I believe all wedding guests should be treated equal, and thus, IF I felt that I needed to employ those sort of tactics to be money savvy then I would scale down my expectations for the wedding itself, to ensure that everyone could enjoy the entire experience, not just parts of it.

Just my opinion of course.

It is a different situation if it's a registry office wedding though as space is quite limited. I went to a wedding last year and there was really only room for 20 in the registry office, but obviously the couple had many more friends and relatives. In that situation there had to be a different guest list for the wedding and for the reception.

FBaby

19lottie82 wrote: »

I just can't believe someone wouldn't be embarrassed asking guests to contribute to the wedding - I (along with 99% of the population, at a guess) would be absolutely mortified!

Yet it is quite common to expect guests to pay for their own restaurant bill when celebrating big birthdays. Is it really that different?