Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Okydoky25

I would be much happier to be asked to bring a dish tbh. If meals are out of the price range they have then think this is a much nicer way of getting guests involved.

NewKittenHelp

MiddyMum wrote: »

My opinion on the matter is simple. I will only invite people that I would want to enjoy my entire wedding. If size of the venue/finances restricts the amount of people I can invite, I will restrict the amount of people I invite to the entire wedding. I will also scale down my wedding expections. If 2k would get me a talk of the year marquee but my guests have to open their wallet for a meal or only half of my guests can eat for free and the rest have to go home then something is wrong there! This is a matter of principles for me. If some of my invitees only want to go to the church but are not up for the " do " then that is their choice. I just can't get my head round this mindset that a lot of people seem to have nowadays " I will invite Martha & John to the evening do, but I dont want them at the breakfast ceremony, that's just for the nearest and dearest " Seriously, just don't invite them at all! I would never feel good knowing that I am not in the " nearest and dearest club " which is why I didn't get to see the bride walk down the aisle! But I'll do for the !!!! up. No thanks.

Even if you're not?

mildred1978

MiddyMum wrote: »

My opinion on the matter is simple. I will only invite people that I would want to enjoy my entire wedding. If size of the venue/finances restricts the amount of people I can invite, I will restrict the amount of people I invite to the entire wedding. I will also scale down my wedding expections. If 2k would get me a talk of the year marquee but my guests have to open their wallet for a meal or only half of my guests can eat for free and the rest have to go home then something is wrong there! This is a matter of principles for me. If some of my invitees only want to go to the church but are not up for the " do " then that is their choice. I just can't get my head round this mindset that a lot of people seem to have nowadays " I will invite Martha & John to the evening do, but I dont want them at the breakfast ceremony, that's just for the nearest and dearest " Seriously, just don't invite them at all! I would never feel good knowing that I am not in the " nearest and dearest club " which is why I didn't get to see the bride walk down the aisle! But I'll do for the !!!! up. No thanks.

Am assuming this is hypothetical as you've previously said you're planning your future without your OH because he's a bit useless.

We had about 80 people to the wedding/meal and then another 40 (mostly OH's mates from uni that he hadn't seen for 10 years but who had to be invited). I wasn't paying £50 a head for them!!

MiddyMum

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Even if you're not?

Then don't invite me! Simples.

FunWithFlags

Wow, thanks for all the replies everybody! :j Interesting reading!

I should have clarified in my first post too that the invites (with reply slips) have already been sent out and have started returning and there was no mention on the invite of paying for the food. She's just started considering now the idea of charging for the food. We were only told right now as it's OH's sister lol. There's not a hint of embarrassment about it either but then there's been a lot of "jokey" phone calls to various family members from her asking for help/donations towards the budget so it's not a surprise! Also, we are invited to the full thing (ceremony at the registry office and then the evening do at the rugby club which seems to be the reception plus dance type part if I'm understanding it correctly).

As it stands at the moment, OH doesn't want to go due to the overall cost of everything now the meal might be thrown onto the list of things to pay for too. We don't have any appropriate clothes so it would be an outfit for each us plus the little one (which could be done on the cheap of course though), travel between venues, a gift and then potentially the meals. If the meal chosen is the £15 a head option, then it would have cost more for the pair of us than we could have afforded to spend on a gift due to our current income and financial situation. I'm optimistic and hope that his sister would understand that we can't afford the meal and the gift so would have to be one or the other but OH says he knows her better than me (which is true) and his sister will be quite annoyed at the lack of a gift and won't be afraid to show it on the day and for as long as she likes afterwards. If we didn't go, I don't think we would be missed on the day as there's a definite "come and worship the bride" vibe rather than "come and join our special day", but I think there may be drama afterwards if we give it a miss. Maybe if we had known in advance we could have saved up but I guess thats a moot point.

I think a lot of people who have posted have summed up my feelings on the idea better than me haha! I agree that a wedding should be what you can afford or what you have saved for and not necessarily about having the biggest and the "best" day. My dream wedding would be with my closest friends and family at every part of the day to join in with us and the rest of it (flowers, venue etc) would just be an additional treat if we had the money (I'd still want a pretty dress though ). I think that's one reason why I can't wrap my head around the request to be honest.

Anyway, I'm rambling again lol but thanks to all your replies I definitely don't feel as wrong with my first reaction anymore!:rotfl:

NewKittenHelp

MiddyMum wrote: »

Then don't invite me! Simples.

So say your nephew was getting married and he had seven siblings, a few half-siblings and a few step-siblings. His wife/husband had an equal number, or perhaps more, and the immediate family all amounted to nearly 30 guests. Then you had close friends, say 15 each, bringing the total up to 60. Add in grandparents and we're at over 70. Now say that the church is a tiny little village church with only enough seating for 70, and this church has been the place where the generations of his wife/husband's family have married.

So they make the difficult decision to not invite aunts, uncles and cousins to the ceremony, but would like you to join them for the wedding breakfast/evening do to celebrate with them - you'd seriously not go because you're not being given priority over others?

1940sGal

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Once upon a time - before every bride had to outdo the last - if you had a limited budget then you hired the local community centre, set out some tables and had a buffet with cardboard plates and plastic tablecloths. Friends and family could offer to help with bringing stuff but that was as much contribution as was needed.

When did everything get to be about image?

Surely the most important thing on the day is that the bride and groom get married - in the presence of people who care about them and wish them well.

No massive gift lists held at John Lewis, no gimmicks for 'favours', no asking for money etc Just an invite saying 'we're getting married, come and join us, no need to feel guilty about the pressie or whatever, we just want you there because we want you to share our day'?

This is precisely what I was planning last year when I got engaged.

Then I realised what a mistake i was making and high tailed it outta there :rotfl:

MiddyMum

I think very few people have 15 people they would consider to be truely close friends. If someone believes they have 15 close friends they are kidding themselves. I also don't think because its an immediate family member, they should get any priority either. I would ask myself, how often do I speak to this person in any given month? Once? Once every few months? Once a year? If the latter two was the frequency, then they wouldn't be at my wedding, no. I don't believe in having people at a wedding just because its " family " or to make up numbers, and I also would not want people at my wedding that I know I will not speak to again. This happens often! If you havent spoken to someone for 10 years there is a reason for that! Lets agree to disagree on this one.

geri1965_2

tea_lover wrote: »

Some friends of mine had a registry office wedding then a few of us went to a local pub for a meal, all very low key. We paid for our own meals there but it was arranged in advance, we had the choice of what to eat, etc. I was more than happy with that, but would feel a bit taken advantage of if I had to pay for a posh sit-down affair at a rugby club.

That's what we did when we got married, as we were absolutely skint (although it was a social club not a pub). Meals were £5 each, there was no obligation and we did not expect any presents. As it happened, family and close friends came for the meal, and the rest who had come to the ceremony came out with us in the evening where we had organised a party in a local pub.

NewKittenHelp

MiddyMum wrote: »

I think very few people have 15 people they would consider to be truely close friends. If someone believes they have 15 close friends they are kidding themselves. I also don't think because its an immediate family member, they should get any priority either. I would ask myself, how often do I speak to this person in any given month? Once? Once every few months? Once a year? If the latter two was the frequency, then they wouldn't be at my wedding, no. I don't believe in having people at a wedding just because its " family " or to make up numbers, and I also would not want people at my wedding that I know I will not speak to again. This happens often! If you havent spoken to someone for 10 years there is a reason for that! Lets agree to disagree on this one.

We weren't discussing your wedding - we were discussing your fictional nephew's wedding. And the 15 includes partners, with up to 3 singles maybe.

We both know the reason you're refusing to answer, so don't kid yourself.;)