Would you pay to go to a wedding?

meritaten

I got so peed off I forgot the Original Post! NO - I wouldnt expect to pay for my meal! and if anyone suggested I did so I would decline the invite.
A wedding is a celebration - and the happy couple invite people to join them. giving them a meal is traditional. but can be skipped if finances dont allow - I have known where couples invite people to the wedding but there is no reception. which is ok. Its the 'wedding' we are sharing in.

FunWithFlags

barbiedoll wrote:

When I married my husband, we had pennies to spend. I wore the outfit that I had bought when I was asked to be a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding (I ended up not going but that's another story!), we did the food ourselves and got two cake tiers from M&S which I decorated myself. We got a few bottles of sparkly plonk and we had two bottles of champagne bought for us by guests, which we shared out for the toast. To celebrate with us we had our best friends, our small families, my husband's kids and our son who was 14 months old (and whose outfit ended up being the most expensive of the three of us because I found a tiny waiscoat and matching trousers in a sale in a posh baby shop!) We had a lovely day, our neighbour took the photos, my brother managed to get a mate with a Mercedes to take us to the registry office and I felt like a million dollar bride, marrying the man I loved.

My best friend spent more than £12,000 on her wedding day, she spent almost £2000 on the photos alone, almost all of which featured her chief bridesmaid, who ended up running off with the groom three months later. :eek:

It doesn't matter how much your wedding costs, it only matters who you are marrying.

And OP, your sister-in-law sounds like a !!!!!!, I'd tell her to do one. If she'd rather have a present than her brother at her wedding, let her go without both. What a stupid woman. :mad:

I hadn't even thought of it like that, such a good point! I will have to mention that to OH and see what he thinks.

TheConways wrote: »

Whilst I think the bride (AND groom - why is it always "the bride wants..", when frequently men are just as demanding?) are being very presumptuous in expecting guests to pay for food, I think it is unrealistic to suggest everyone can have a village hall affair with friends and family providing catering.

None of my friends have family/friends in the same area, my close family is now split across four countries - and i'm an only child, and so realistically, a wedding is now one of the few times we all get together. I know numerous friends in similar positions - we're attending the wedding of two great friends this weekend who live close by... But they are getting married in their home country, so another flight beckons!

My parents had a simple wedding 30years ago with dinner at a local restaurant afterwards. This worked well, and the three close friends they did invite are still close friends 30 years on. However, reality is that couples meet and family are far and wide - expecting people to travel a long way for sausage rolls and egg sarnies (or worse, being asked to pay for it) isn't possible, and so these things get expensive.

My advice would be to be a friend to the bride and groom by encouraging her to scale down their wedding to affordable proprtions.

Oh, in this case it's definitely the bride's wedding!

And as much as I would love to try and encourage her as a friend, other than the usual polite sister in law type interactions, on the advice of my OH, I try to keep my distance from her because she has tried to manipulate me and play with my emotions in the past, if that makes sense. Plus, if I'm completely honest, she is the type of person who will assume any enouragement to reduce the cost (and therefore, in her eyes, the size) of the wedding must be down to jealousy of her special day and must be a form of sabotage.

sedment wrote: »

The bride sounds like a brat to be honest! I couldnt be done with that. Seriously, paying for your own food at a wedding reception is the daftest thing i have ever heard! Is there no-one to sit down with her and the groom and give them a reality check? If you havent got the money, you cant have a big do, end of. We got married four years ago, in a civil ceremony, which cost less than 200 pounds, with immediate family only, and then had a marquee and band in my mums back garden.We had a cold buffet and strawberries and cream for dessert and my friends dads band played at night for our reception. Never asked for gifts, just donations for the local cancer charity. It doesnt matter how much it costs, it doesnt make you more married, unless you get married within your religion.

There really isn't. As far as I know her dad did try but she just gave him the silent treatment for a few days until she wanted to talk about the wedding again. I think her friends might be too scared to try!

Ellie83

No, I would not pay to go to a wedding, unless it is a very close friend or a close relative whom I know are struggling financially.

Anyway, I almost never go to wedding unless it is a close friend or a close relative.

jellyhead

mildred1978 wrote: »

We went to the wedding of a family friend last year which really was done on a shoestring. After the simple church service the reception was held in a barn on her dad's farm. She wore her mother's wedding dress. The flowers came from the groom's mother's garden. A number of the close friends and immediate family were asked to bring a dish/piece of cheese or whatever which made for a lovely informal buffet. Anyone who could sing or play a musical instrument was asked to spend 5-10 minutes providing some entertainment. The mother of the bride made a very simple cake.

It was one of the nicest weddings I've ever been to, because everybody felt part of it, not just "invited to see the show".

That sounds lovely

jellyhead

Ask her if you get in free if you bring a packed lunch

jellyhead

Oh, and I think it's really weird to ask guests to pay for their own buffet at the reception venue, but I would think it ok if everyone went for a pub lunch and paid for their own food.

It's just something about it being the venue for the party.

marleyboy

I would not pay to go to a wedding buffet, the few weddings I have attended have never asked me to pay towards. Although I may contribute but purely voluntarily.

There have been wedding receptions I have been to where the bar has been free, which has surprised me, normally I would expect to buy drinks. Yet the buffets have always been paid for.

Were there some kind of entrance fee or buffet fee, I would likely just attend the marriage ceremony and skip the buffet. But would have no objections to contributing in the form of a tip, as we have always tipped the staff manning the buffets as a complimentary tradition.

mgdavid

outrageous - does nobody know how to behave any more?
Certainly would not go, and would strongly consider if I wanted such people to continue to be in my circle of active friends / family.

Skintski

mgdavid wrote: »

outrageous - does nobody know how to behave any more?
Certainly would not go, and would strongly consider if I wanted such people to continue to be in my circle of active friends / family.

You make them sound like they are evil, seems more like misguided to me. I'd be a bit put out at paying to attend someone else's wedding when so many other expenses are involved but someone in the immediate family should have the common sense to advise them on this.

NewKittenHelp

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Um, there's cheap deals on Travel Lodge, Premier Inn etc where you can fit 4 to a room... then there are always cheap B&Bs, tents, caravans etc.

My 'twee' idea is not possible now in 2012 eh? Well, I'll have to explain that to my cousin who did just this in Bury with rellies and friends from home and away - it's possible, it's just that people now seem to think that they *have* to use a formal provider rather the DIY and would rather borrow money than limit themselves to something more affordable.

And where do you get that from? Impractical and impossible are two different words.:)