Would you pay to go to a wedding?

wellsronald18

tea_lover wrote: »

In those circumstances I'd be a bit miffed too. Weddings certainly don't need to cost the earth and if they can't afford a big do then they shouldn't plan one, imho. It's possible to have beautiful, elegant, memorable, weddings on a small budget.

Some friends of mine had a registry office wedding then a few of us went to a local pub for a meal, all very low key. We paid for our own meals there but it was arranged in advance, we had the choice of what to eat, etc. I was more than happy with that, but would feel a bit taken advantage of if I had to pay for a posh sit-down affair at a rugby club.

:huh: I totally agree with you, and I have no words to say after reading this thread.
:rotfl:

Idiophreak

MiddyMum wrote: »

How can I be the mean one, when I am not the one doing it? :rotfl:

...You're the one saying mean things?

MiddyMum wrote: »

If 130 people was expensive, maybe you shouldn't have invited all of those people?

Why? I could afford it and I was happy to have as many of my friends and family there as I could. The point I was making is that not everyone's as fortunate as me - not everyone can afford to have everything they want.

MiddyMum wrote: »

I do think some people like the idea of having lots of gifts, only to not speak to the people who bought them the gift ever again. Just because that wasn't your motive for inviting certain guests, it doesn't mean that motive does not exist!

Whilst I appreciate your valiant efforts to backtrack and make yourself sound more reasonable, this simply isn't what you said in your original post on the subject. To remind you, this is what you said:

MiddyMum wrote: »

I also dont go to weddings where I am only invited to the reception either. This tells me that they only want a gift and I am not important enough to be at the church.

So, where exactly in that is this "some people"?

In my experience, if this motive does exist, it exists in *such* a tiny minority of cases, it's hardly worth considering. The cost of hiring a large enough venue for evening guests, plus the cost of evening catering per head, normally outweighs the value of any presents that may be received from evening guests (which are usually smaller than presents from day guests, in any case) - so the maths just doesn't support this being a common motive.

The fact you're convinced it's common leads me to think you're a mean person, which - strangely - also makes me think it more likely that people *would* invite *you* to a wedding for no other reason than to get an extra present. Curiouser and curiouser.

MiddyMum wrote: »

P.s I don't understand why you are fussed about it as you treated your guests fine?

Err, the vast majority of weddings I've been to (and the vast majority described on these boards) have day and evening guests. I certainly feel capable of being insulted on other people's behalf. Again, it's this thing called "empathy"...you should look into it.

Noctu

On a slightly unrelated note, my friend's parents charges for their family to attend Christmas dinner!

System

Noctu wrote: »

On a slightly unrelated note, my friend's parents charges for their family to attend Christmas dinner!

Now thats taking the pee.

Bufger

It would have been more reasonable of them if they said they were having trouble with the costs so they had decided they wouldnt accept wedding gifts but would ask people to pay for their meal (if they want one) and get that list of acceptees beforehand to let the venue know how much to make.

It depends how good a friend they are as to whether i;d go in this instance. they'd have to be a pretty close friend

lovinituk

andygb wrote: »

We did it twenty years today - local church, one of my mates from the camera club did the photos (great job as well:D), church hall for the reception (mum, sis and neighbours did the food - tasty:beer:), so what the heck has happened to people lately?

Ours was similar. Registry Office wedding (neither of us are religious), a local social club hall for the reception that we got at a discount because of friends of friends, 2 mates of mine did the photography and video and my dad, who travels to Europe a lot, bought a load of cheap plonk back. We did pay for the catering but it was basic stuff so wasn't expensive and the DJ was not expensive at all but very good. Not bad for a 'modern' day wedding!!

euronorris

If it was a close friend or family member, I'd be quite happy to pay for my own meal. Whether or not that affected their gift would depend on my finances at the time. But it's something I'd be happy to do for the people I care most about, especially as both eating options are fairly cheap.

For everyone else? I would decline the invite, and send a small cheque as a wedding gift instead (a sort of, sorry I can't make it, enjoy this instead type gesture) which could go towards the cost of meals (if they wanted), so that perhaps someone closer to them who doesn't have the money could attend instead.

I think whether it's cheeky or not really depends on how it is asked, and if there is still an expectation of gifts. Because, well, I think it's equally cheeky that so many guests expect so much from a wedding, food included. But that's just my opinion.

easy

I think folk also invite too many people to a wedding.

OK, maybe I'm a "Billy-no-mates", but was a bit aghast at someone earlier, who said they had a SMALL wedding, only 70 guests.

As I said before, we invited CLOSE family and CLOSE friends, and there were 38 of us altogether. These were the people we wanted to share our event with, we didn't invite people just cos we thought they would be offended if we didn't (if that is how they feel, they're not god friends anyway).

It also helped that we were married on a week-day. I think about 3 couples we invited couldn't come cos of time off work.

jellyhead

euronorris wrote: »

I think whether it's cheeky or not really depends on how it is asked, and if there is still an expectation of gifts. Because, well, I think it's equally cheeky that so many guests expect so much from a wedding, food included. But that's just my opinion.

What do guests expect from a wedding? Apart from the buffet. It's not really comparable - I bet most guests pay out more than they get back, if it's looked at in that way. If there's a sit-down meal then probably not, but most of the people I know get married then go straight to their reception and the buffet comes out later on.

A few people have a sit-down meal and then an evening reception, but people who can't afford that sort of wedding cut their cloth. My brother had a sit-down meal followed by an evening reception at a lovely venue which held weddings and it was a beautiful day but they'd saved for years for what they wanted. In that instance they paid more per guest than they received back, but none of the guests 'expected' anything much. We don't expect to keep the table decorations or a free bar, for instance.

suejb2

Crikey!! Be careful if you're handed a button-hole you may be asked for a couple of quid up front,and then there's the seat at the wedding ,it could prove an expensive day!