Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Artaxerxes

It's pretty ignorant, but as others have stated I would simply pay the £15 and knock it off the wedding gift.

At my sister's wedding a couple of years ago it was asked if we could bring our own wine to help keep the costs down. The venue said fine, but there would be a charge of £5 corkage/bottle. My mother hit back with 'how about if we uncork the wine ourselves?' :doh:

GobbledyGook

kitschkitty wrote: »

It is interesting how as guests many people feel some sort of entitlement to certain things when attending a wedding, but often all to easily criticise the bride and/or groom for doing the same thing!

I 100% agree with the other posters who have pointed out that a wedding is simply a public show/ceremony of the commitment of the marriage of the couple. A wedding is just one day - a marriage is for a lifetime.

While I do agree that you can have a fantastic wedding on any budget it's so annoying when people tell you that, only to go on to tell you about their (cheap) wedding and how you could (read should) do it their way. I had that and it's really annoying.

Same as people saying you can have a wedding any way you like, but it's very hard to plan only what you want, as other people always influence you (and as good hosts really you should try to consider your guests). It took my poor husband's closest family & friends talking to him directly to make him realise he could wear whatever he wanted etc. and chill out a bit as even he - a laid back type had various wedding stereotypes/etiquette/protocols about how a wedding should be imprinted on him somewhere along the way.

Pub meals, village halls, jeans and t-shirts, gardens with marquees, no food, etc. etc. are all wonderful if they are what the couple want, but it doesn't mean they're suitable/right for every couple and when people (not necessarily meaning to) push those alternatives down your throats it can be very annoying - just as much as people forcing the idea of a big white wedding being the done thing!

People should have the wedding they want. However, they shouldn't have that at their guests expense.

I had a cheaper wedding and I think that a lot of people could save a lot of money and still have the wedding they want if they researched a bit more, but I'm not saying they should do that - just that they could (and sometimes people don't realise that they can. It was only in casual conversation with my colleague that she discovered she didn't have to have the venues in house caterers for example because someone else mentioned bringing in their own).

They should do what they want to do for their wedding day. However if that is an all singing-all dancing expensive day then they should save up for it. Not expect their guests to pay towards it like some sort of ticketed event.

kicktoria

I got married on the 19th August (yep, I'm still floating :happylove ) and I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my guests to contribute to the meal or indeed, any part of our wedding.

We worked out what we could afford and budgeted to to that. It may be more than what some people spend but we had a pot of savings and have come away without starting our married life in debt.

For example, the dress I chose was an ex-sample that I got for less than half the price it would have cost me to order. I was initially looking at another dress but we just couldn't afford it so I chose my dress (which actually worked out better, as on reflection, it was my perfect dress).

We designed and printed all the invites and wedding stationery at home.

We made our favours. Little jars of homemade strawberry jam (about 150g I think) and 250ml bottles of Limoncello. Total cost came to about £50 for 49 people. I know some people think favours are a gimmick, but we wanted to thank our guests for coming to our special day. I've not had one negative comment about them yet.

My flowers were done by a family friend, who did a fantastic job. She is a trained florist, but doesn't work as a florist, and only does them when people ask her.

We did get lucky as we got our wedding package on a Groupon, otherwise we were looking at a local council run historic house and a community centre up the road. Which would have cost the same.

We had a fantastic day as did our guests from the comments we received. We've even been asked if we're having a 1st anniversary party next year (by a few people!)

The point I'm trying to make is that we made a budget and stuck to it and come away with memories of a lovely day without any debt.

Oh and we also didn't ask for gifts (although we got some and quite a bit of cash, which was quite unexpected). In our eyes, this was our treat to them. People already spend so much just attending (new dress/suit, bag, shoes, travel to & from, and a few people stayed at the hotel!) and we've been together over 6 yrs now so we have plenty.

In response to the OPs question, I would go if I could afford it. If I couldn't afford it, I would go and take some sarnies

ETA: But it is a bloody cheek asking to contribute!

jellyhead

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Can't some people just stand at the back or wait outside?

Venues have a maximum capacity for fire regulation reasons - they don't allow people to stand at the back.

Maybe those of us who live in a town there the registry office only holds 40 people are more used to the idea of guests being on the 'reception only' list?

The alternatives are paying for a larger venue, which is outside many people's budget, or pretending to be interested in Christianity, and being married in a church - but I think that's the height of rudeness and could never do that.

If it's a choice between only having the 40 guests from the registry office at the reception, or inviting everyone else who WANTS to come then what would you choose? I'd choose to have 2 lists.

I've been to loads of receptions where I wasn't invited to the registry office, and I never feel offended. I have a massive family - we can't even fit cousins into the registry office let alone their partners and children. Having 2 lists is the only way to do it.

kicktoria

Yeah that was the other thing. Our venue had a maximum capacity of 50 for the ceremony & wedding breakfast (in our package) so we had to limit ourselves to that for the day. We had about 20 more for the evening party.
It worked out well. We accommodated our best friends and family and the evening guests included old school friends, our lovely neighbours, and people we don't see so often, but would still consider friends. I've been to plenty of wedding receptions and wouldn't feel comfortable going to their ceremony if I see them only three or four times a year...

euronorris

jellyhead wrote: »

What do guests expect from a wedding? Apart from the buffet. It's not really comparable - I bet most guests pay out more than they get back, if it's looked at in that way. If there's a sit-down meal then probably not, but most of the people I know get married then go straight to their reception and the buffet comes out later on.

A few people have a sit-down meal and then an evening reception, but people who can't afford that sort of wedding cut their cloth. My brother had a sit-down meal followed by an evening reception at a lovely venue which held weddings and it was a beautiful day but they'd saved for years for what they wanted. In that instance they paid more per guest than they received back, but none of the guests 'expected' anything much. We don't expect to keep the table decorations or a free bar, for instance.

Some guests DO expect a free bar, some expect free accomodation in the form of families and friends houses, a posh do, they expect the dress to be a certain colour, the decorations to be to their taste, the wedding to be near them, the wedding to be somewhere exotic, that x, y & z family member should be invited because they'd be offended otherwise, favours, etc etc.

I'm not saying that's everyone. Just as not every bride and groom will have unrealistic expectations of their guests. But there are plenty of them out there, on both sides. And that's what I'm pointing out really, as a lot of people seem to have so many expectations of the bride & groom, and then get upset if the bride & groom dare ask for a little help.

Buffet used to be how the majority of people did things. And I love a good buffet!! It was how my eldest brother, and eldest sister had their receptions. But things have changed a lot in recent years. My other brother, and other sister, both had sit down meals. As has every wedding I've attended in the last 5 years. A buffet seems to be looked down on now (people are gonna be so disappointed when/if I finally tie the knot! BUFFET! ).

Before all this expectation came in on both sides, it was common for close friends and family to help make the day special. And quite honestly, I prefer that idea. A small, intimate affair where everyone pulls together and just has fun. Where people aren't worried about how things look, or whether the food is 5 star or not, but just enjoy each others company with sandwiches, sausage rolls, quiche, whatever.

kitschkitty

bargainbetty wrote: »

I do agree with you in principle. My ex and I had a limited budget, but made the most of it. I haggled over everything and we even saved money by having the wedding cake served as dessert - two courses are cheaper than three etc.

However, when you choose what you want, you make damn sure you have the budget for it. If the happy couple want this wedding, with that meal and those guests, they need to make sure they can afford it.

The point here is that everyone can have their wedding their own way. If it is truly worth it to them, then they can do as they please. With their own money. They have no right to spend other people's.

I totally agree (wasn't implying anything else).

kitschkitty

GobbledyGook wrote: »

People should have the wedding they want. However, they shouldn't have that at their guests expense.

I had a cheaper wedding and I think that a lot of people could save a lot of money and still have the wedding they want if they researched a bit more, but I'm not saying they should do that - just that they could (and sometimes people don't realise that they can. It was only in casual conversation with my colleague that she discovered she didn't have to have the venues in house caterers for example because someone else mentioned bringing in their own).

They should do what they want to do for their wedding day. However if that is an all singing-all dancing expensive day then they should save up for it. Not expect their guests to pay towards it like some sort of ticketed event.

I do agree, seems my post may have come across wrong, I was refering in general to the amount of people who say do this or that instead etc.

kicktoria

kitschkitty wrote: »

... I was refering in general to the amount of people who say do this or that instead etc.

Oops, I hope I don't come across like that.

I'd only been to the day of two weddings before my own. One was a registry office and the evening in a pub, the other was a church wedding with a buffet in a community hall.
At the first, I could have quite easily said to the bride "Don't waste money on the horse & carriage, get a better venue & catering" but I didn't, the food wasn't brilliant but it's what she wanted and it was a lovely day.
The second was lovely, not to my taste but still a happy occassion.

jellyhead

euronorris wrote: »

Some guests DO expect a free bar, some expect free accomodation in the form of families and friends houses, a posh do, they expect the dress to be a certain colour, the decorations to be to their taste, the wedding to be near them, the wedding to be somewhere exotic, that x, y & z family member should be invited because they'd be offended otherwise, favours, etc etc.

I think I must just be very ignorant then, because I didn't notice anybody trying to give me advice, or moaning or expecting anything. Maybe they did but I just wasn't paying attention :rotfl: I arranged beforehand with my mum to nip around the corner and get happy meals for the children - I suppose people must have been aghast at that but I just didn't notice or care (2 of the children were autistic and were stressed about the food, so I promised a happy meal and they were happy to come).

Actually - I did notice that I'd upset people ... we hired the upstairs room of a large pub, and I made no smoking signs :eek: People were absolutely fuming that I said they could go downstairs to the pub to smoke ... some of them stayed there the whole time but I didn't give a stuff.

I have bad asthma and fag smoke is my worst trigger. If anyone was so selfish that they thought nipping downstairs to smoke was too much trouble, and they'd rather ruin my honeymoon by putting me in hospital instead, plus my little nephews who had both been in hospital that month with asthma, then they weren't true friends of mine.