Would you pay to go to a wedding?

shellsuit

kicktoria wrote: »

Oops, I hope I don't come across like that.

I'd only been to the day of two weddings before my own. One was a registry office and the evening in a pub, the other was a church wedding with a buffet in a community hall.
At the first, I could have quite easily said to the bride "Don't waste money on the horse & carriage, get a better venue & catering" but I didn't, the food wasn't brilliant but it's what she wanted and it was a lovely day.
The second was lovely, not to my taste but still a happy occassion.

Ahh, but I went to a wedding in a castle. Lovely venue with a lovely location. Was invited there all day as was everyone else.

But there was NO food during the day. AT ALL. The bar didn't even do food which we could buy. The buffet in the evening must have been made to feed 50. There were over 120 people there. I didn't even eat a crumb all day.

We could have afforded to have got married in a bleedin' castle if we didn't feed everyone! :rotfl:

GobbledyGook

I think people both take offence about weddings far too easily, but at the same time I also think that a lot of couples don't think about anyone other than themselves and therefore seem happy to cause offence. If that makes sense..

My neighbour is utterly offended about her brother's wedding and I don't blame her. They have chosen to have their wedding at an extremely expensive venue so have slashed their guest list as a result (entirely their right). Neighbour has 4 children - 2 girls of 13 and 6 and 2 boys of 9 and 4. Only the 6 year old girl is invited and without any discussion or asking her SIL2B bought a flowergirl dress for her as she'll look 'cute' in the photos, but she expects neighbour's husband to take her home after the ceremony as she's not paying x amount for a meal for a 6 year old. They also don't expect her husband to come back until after the meal so haven't budgeted for him.

They also invited the groom's cousin as he is a wedding photographer and then once he said he didn't like to be the sole photographer at family weddings because he has seen it cause problems for others, but would obviously take a few snaps as a guest (i.e. said he wasn't doing free wedding photography for a very demanding bride) they uninvited him :rotfl:

Some couples seem to forget that the people you are offending are going to be your friends and family for a hell of a lot longer than your wedding day will last!

I'm all for having your day, your way, but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to consider your guests at all.

shellsuit

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I think people both take offence about weddings far too easily, but at the same time I also think that a lot of couples don't think about anyone other than themselves and therefore seem happy to cause offence. If that makes sense..

My neighbour is utterly offended about her brother's wedding and I don't blame her. They have chosen to have their wedding at an extremely expensive venue so have slashed their guest list as a result (entirely their right). Neighbour has 4 children - 2 girls of 13 and 6 and 2 boys of 9 and 4. Only the 6 year old girl is invited and without any discussion or asking her SIL2B bought a flowergirl dress for her as she'll look 'cute' in the photos, but she expects neighbour's husband to take her home after the ceremony as she's not paying x amount for a meal for a 6 year old. They also don't expect her husband to come back until after the meal so haven't budgeted for him.

They also invited the groom's cousin as he is a wedding photographer and then once he said he didn't like to be the sole photographer at family weddings because he has seen it cause problems for others, but would obviously take a few snaps as a guest (i.e. said he wasn't doing free wedding photography for a very demanding bride) they uninvited him :rotfl:

Some couples seem to forget that the people you are offending are going to be your friends and family for a hell of a lot longer than your wedding day will last!

I'm all for having your day, your way, but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to consider your guests at all.

Because those kind of people are ignorant selfish pigs?

Your neighbours brother and his bride to be are disgusting. How could they want to do that to children...their family?!

kitschkitty

shellsuit wrote: »

Because those kind of people are ignorant selfish pigs?

Your neighbours brother and his bride to be are disgusting. How could they want to do that to children...their family?!

I agree that is the most shallow and selfish attitude I've hard of in a good while, :eek: I'd have been hard pressed not to give them a slap - or at least a good verbal tongue lashing!

euronorris

shellsuit wrote: »

Because those kind of people are ignorant selfish pigs?

Your neighbours brother and his bride to be are disgusting. How could they want to do that to children...their family?!

The trouble is, other people perpetuate the problem. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone say 'But it's YOUR day. Do whatever YOU want.' to a bridezilla! And then they feel justified in their choices, whether they are reasonable or not.

On the other hand, I know that my Dad got quite upset when my sister refused to invite aunts, uncles and cousins that she hasn't seen in over a decade and with whom she's never had a close relationship with. There were quite a few arguments about that one, and my sister had to stand firm. She's not close to them, and never has been, and we have a huge extended family so it made sense to draw the line somewhere. But of course, that didn't fit in with Dad's wish to not upset anyone by not inviting them (I doubt they cared. We've never been invited to any of my cousins weddings).

Wedding planning really has the potential to bring out the worst in people.

PolishBigSpender

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

So you'd have people standing outside, and therefore missing the ceremony anyway?:rotfl:

There are usually loudspeakers outside the churches, so people can hear everything anyway.
The ceremony is the most important part of the wedding, what's the point coming just for the reception?
We even had some people coming only to the church, to witness us get married, then going home. And everyone invited to the reception was at the church, and this was rather obvious for us. Also, we didn't divide guests into "those, who are getting dinner" and "those, who only get some snacks". Everyone was there from the beginning (wedding was at 4pm) until late (last guests left at 5am).

PolishBigSpender

jellyhead wrote: »

Venues have a maximum capacity for fire regulation reasons - they don't allow people to stand at the back.

Maybe those of us who live in a town there the registry office only holds 40 people are more used to the idea of guests being on the 'reception only' list?

The alternatives are paying for a larger venue, which is outside many people's budget, or pretending to be interested in Christianity, and being married in a church - but I think that's the height of rudeness and could never do that.

If it's a choice between only having the 40 guests from the registry office at the reception, or inviting everyone else who WANTS to come then what would you choose? I'd choose to have 2 lists.

I've been to loads of receptions where I wasn't invited to the registry office, and I never feel offended. I have a massive family - we can't even fit cousins into the registry office let alone their partners and children. Having 2 lists is the only way to do it.

Hmmm... people somehow manage here... I was never invited to a reception without being invited to the actual ceremony. I often get the information about the marriage though, and I attend the ceremony without going to the reception afterwards.

jellyhead

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Hmmm... people somehow manage here... I was never invited to a reception without being invited to the actual ceremony. I often get the information about the marriage though, and I attend the ceremony without going to the reception afterwards.

But how do they manage if there's seating for 40 people? I have 38 cousins, and most of those have partners and children. So even if we missed out my husband's family completely, I couldn't get my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins into the building.

As for loudspeakers being outside churches ... I don't go to church! I think getting married in a church if you are not a follower of the religion is disgusting, it's such an insult to the church and to the marriage itself. Getting married before God only means something if you believe in Him.

shellsuit

jellyhead wrote: »

But how do they manage if there's seating for 40 people? I have 38 cousins, and most of those have partners and children. So even if we missed out my husband's family completely, I couldn't get my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins into the building.

As for loudspeakers being outside churches ... I don't go to church! I think getting married in a church if you are not a follower of the religion is disgusting, it's such an insult to the church and to the marriage itself. Getting married before God only means something if you believe in Him.

That's why we didn't get married in church. I don't go to church so didn't want to be one of those who only wants to get married at church because it would look pretty on the pictures or because 4 generations before me got married at the same church.


ETA : I've never seen a loud speaker outside a church, or a registry office.

GobbledyGook

The registry office in our town only holds 12 people and is only licensed as such so they are exceptionally strict on it. So it's quite common here for people to marry at the town hall with just their parents and siblings, if they only have a few, then have a larger reception. It's very common, but I think that's because everyone round here seems to come from a big family (I was the exception amongst my friends). I don't mind a reception only invitation, it's about celebrating their marriage to me, not necessarily witnessing it. In fact when I was younger I preferred an evening only invitation as all the weddings seemed to be incredibly long (and to an non religious person boring) Catholic ceremonies. I also dislike attending a long religious ceremony when you know the couple chose to get married in the church because it looks pretty in the photographs.