Would you pay to go to a wedding?

MiddyMum

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

We weren't discussing your wedding - we were discussing your fictional nephew's wedding. And the 15 includes partners, with up to 3 singles maybe.

We both know the reason you're refusing to answer, so don't kid yourself.;)

But I have answered...what part don't you understand? As for kidding myself, I think I have been pretty real on this thread. Or do you not like it when someone has a different opinion to your own?

suki1001

I wouldn't mind contributing towards a wedding meal, but I'd be annoyed if it was added as an afterthought and it was demanded rather than asked. To me it's not what you do - it's how you do it.

I get the impression, the bride to be would be a bit of a pain whether or not she had done this. Seems to have the decorum of a lump hammer.

FBaby

cazziebo wrote: »

There is something special about cooking and sharing food with others - and meant the buffet was far more exciting than many a professional job.

This is exactly my feeling about it. So much more personal and less commercial. I don't want a stupid vase, or cutlery that I could buy myself, or that I won't remember who it comes from. However, a book about compliments about the special dish cooked by my mum, or my friend from Turkey, pictures of the buffet with those dishes cooked specially for us, the different tastes and flavours from different countries, this would leave so much nicer memories than a standard commercial buffet that will never be as nice as what my guests could offer.

A wedding ceremony is made special by its memories. I wonder what type of buffet would leave me with the most precious ones (assuming no-one gets poisoned!!!)?

19lottie82

FBaby wrote: »

Yet it is quite common to expect guests to pay for their own restaurant bill when celebrating big birthdays. Is it really that different?

Well ive never been invited out for a meal for someone's birthday where it's been paid for (usually everyone else chips in to buy the bday boy / girl their meal!) and likewise I've never been to a wedding where I've been asked to pay for my own dinner, so yes!

seashore22

FBaby wrote: »

Arggg, I thought of doing that and my partner said no way!!! We are in our 40s and most of our friends are excellent cooks and love doing it. We don't need wedding presents and I know it can be quite stressful for guests to choose something when the couple already have everything, so i thought doing a 'dish' list, where people could either buy something or make it themselves, or of course not bring anything, was a nice alternative. I know my closest friends and family would like this much better and it certainly would be a cheaper option for guests than a present, but if it is seen as rude, than clearly I will quickly forget about it!!!!

We did this for our wedding 28 years ago. We were part of a church at the time, had very little money and wanted to have the whole congregation, friends and family as guests. We made some of the food ourselves, provided the drinks and, those who wished to, bought along a plate of food. It certainly wasn't the plushest wedding I've ever been to, but it was very relaxed and I don't think anyone minded.

I've also provided plates of food for a friend who did a similar thing. I enjoyed doing it and it felt more special than just buying them a present.

My daughter got married a month ago and it was a completely different affair. We paid for the food and drink and tried to make sure that the guests paid as little as possible to be there. There were canapes, 3 course meal and a free bar.

Everyone was invited to the whole day, although it was a fairly small wedding with 70 guests. It felt like the right thing to do and we were obviously fortunate that we could afford it.I've always felt a bit like a second rate guest when invited to just the evening and the wedding never seems to flow well when extras turn up later. We've arrived when the speeches are still going on and it felt very uncomfortable.

If we didn't have the money things would have been very different. A much cheaper venue and probably cheaper food. But there is no way on earth that I would have been happy to ask guests to pay for their own meals.

I know that it cost some members of our family a fortune to attend my daughter's wedding. One had to hire a car and many had to pay for two nights accommodation, travel expenses, posh outfits and a wedding gift. We appreciated what they did so much and wanted to ensure that they all had a wonderful day too. It's really not all about the bride!

FatVonD

I work with someone that couldn't afford the wedding venue she wanted (she had to hire the whole hotel, including rooms) unless she charged her guests £70 each (that's per person so £140 per couple) to come to the wedding and stay overnight. She actually thought she was doing her guests a bit of a favour by letting them have the room that cheaply(!) as the happy couple would be paying the first £80 of the room bill.

Several of us in the office (who weren't invited anyway) told her we considered it bad taste to charge someone to come to your wedding so she opted for a less prestigious venue that they *could* afford.

The same girl asked someone at work to design her wedding invites for nothing (nearly getting him sacked in the process but that's another story) and then, once the poo had hit the fan she asked him to do her table plan and place settings in the same style but from home and she would pay him £100. She left him £40 (in vouchers) on his desk when she went off for her nuptials and said it was less because her husband to be (who he has never met!) is going to take him out for a drink instead!

I took great delight in declining to contribute to her collection.

raven83

FatVonD wrote: »

I work with someone that couldn't afford the wedding venue she wanted (she had to hire the whole hotel, including rooms) unless she charged her guests £70 each (that's per person so £140 per couple) to come to the wedding and stay overnight. She actually thought she was doing her guests a bit of a favour by letting them have the room that cheaply(!) as the happy couple would be paying the first £80 of the room bill.

Several of us in the office (who weren't invited anyway) told her we considered it bad taste to charge someone to come to your wedding so she opted for a less prestigious venue that they *could* afford.

The same girl asked someone at work to design her wedding invites for nothing (nearly getting him sacked in the process but that's another story) and then, once the poo had hit the fan she asked him to do her table plan and place settings in the same style but from home and she would pay him £100. She left him £40 (in vouchers) on his desk when she went off for her nuptials and said it was less because her husband to be (who he has never met!) is going to take him out for a drink instead!

I took great delight in declining to contribute to her collection.

Gosh, what an absolute grasping, self obsessed mare she sounds! I am surprised she had any friends to invite with that sort of attitude :eek:

barbiedoll

When I married my husband, we had pennies to spend. I wore the outfit that I had bought when I was asked to be a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding (I ended up not going but that's another story!), we did the food ourselves and got two cake tiers from M&S which I decorated myself. We got a few bottles of sparkly plonk and we had two bottles of champagne bought for us by guests, which we shared out for the toast. To celebrate with us we had our best friends, our small families, my husband's kids and our son who was 14 months old (and whose outfit ended up being the most expensive of the three of us because I found a tiny waiscoat and matching trousers in a sale in a posh baby shop!) We had a lovely day, our neighbour took the photos, my brother managed to get a mate with a Mercedes to take us to the registry office and I felt like a million dollar bride, marrying the man I loved.

My best friend spent more than £12,000 on her wedding day, she spent almost £2000 on the photos alone, almost all of which featured her chief bridesmaid, who ended up running off with the groom three months later. :eek:

It doesn't matter how much your wedding costs, it only matters who you are marrying.

And OP, your sister-in-law sounds like a !!!!!!, I'd tell her to do one. If she'd rather have a present than her brother at her wedding, let her go without both. What a stupid woman. :mad:

lazywife

Nope, not normal to pay for meal for yourself. I think if they can't afford it, then invite everyone for a drinks reception, then everyone expects to buy drinks.

Tiddlywinks

Idiophreak wrote: »

*Sigh*

I don't really think this has anything to do with "wanting gifts" at all. It has to do with the high cost of catering wedding breakfasts vs the comparatively low costs of evening buffets.

I'm glad you've never been in the position where you couldn't afford to have everything you wanted.

In the 'real world' people need to realise that sometimes things are financially out of reach... and adapt accordingly... not expect others to subsidise their excesses.

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Don't you mean "once upon a time, when everyone lived in the same place"?;)

People don't need to be local to help out with catering for a small DIY 'do'... they can bring non-perishables, stay with local relatives or whatever. It just needs a different way of thinking.

FBaby wrote: »

Arggg, I thought of doing that and my partner said no way!!! We are in our 40s and most of our friends are excellent cooks and love doing it. We don't need wedding presents and I know it can be quite stressful for guests to choose something when the couple already have everything, so i thought doing a 'dish' list, where people could either buy something or make it themselves, or of course not bring anything, was a nice alternative. I know my closest friends and family would like this much better and it certainly would be a cheaper option for guests than a present, but if it is seen as rude, than clearly I will quickly forget about it!!!!

I really don't think doing a DIY buffet with guests bringing their 'star' dishes would be seen as rude... especially if you major on the fact that you want it to be about having your friends and family close and involved in your special day... I'd be flattered to be honest (although, a bit ashamed if my 'special' was outed as an M&S line ).