Would you pay to go to a wedding?

coolcait

Funnily enough, I'm finding that this thread is making me consider how I really view 'modern' weddings.

I find that I'm pragmatic about wedding lists. Not entirely fazed by the idea of 'unusual' approaches to the whole wedding 'experience'.

The wedding list part isn't that much of a surprise. At heart, I'm a pragmatist anyway

The tolerance of 'unusual approaches' does surprise me. In general, the more 'unusual' it is, the less 'pragmatic' it is :rotfl:

Could this change of heart be because my mum - a woman of uncertain age (fortunately, because it means that my own age is equally fluid ), but definite convictions - was recently invited to a 'modern' wedding.

One which was held in a posh venue in the middle of nowhere, miles away from the nearest 'local' guest - and several countries away from the place where the bride, groom, and one 'side' of the wedding party actually live.

She loved it! Despite the fact that it didn't fit in with her previous 'convictions' on what constitutes a 'proper' wedding...

Maybe. Who can say.

(I remain unpersuaded that it is acceptable to ask the guests to pay for the meal at a posh wedding reception, without their prior agreement. I remain unconvinced that this is possible, given the pragmatic reality of having to pay a deposit, and other up-front payments. And I still believe that anyone who is invited to be part of a wedding has the right to say no, without being subjected to any kind of repercussions)

Gloomendoom

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Well certainly very annoyed and as I said it wouldn't change what I bought. If I want to know what to get I'm quite capable of asking.

Huh? That's what anybody that wanted to give a gift did do. There was no list.

I would and always have had what you call a simple invitation. This would include where the wedding is and at what time. Why would I need to be told the exact timings!

So you would know what to expect . Like the half mile walk from the church through the woods down to where the reception was held. Something that may not have been to everyone's taste or capability (in the event only a couple of elderly guests elected to be driven.) Like the fact that wedding was organised along the lines of a garden party/village fete with plenty of activities for adults and children alike to get involved in (hence the need to forewarn parents of the likelihood of messed up clothes.) So that you would have some idea of when to expect to be fed or entertained.

I could go on.

If there were something other than the usual then I suppose information may be needed but I can't imagine needing swim-wear at a wedding!

Not even if it was 29°C on the day and a pool was available? It was very, very popular.

Our wedding would possibly not be to everybody's taste. However, one rather rueful remark from a guest has stuck in my mind... "I didn't realise weddings could be like this."

We had fun, our guests had fun and because it was done 'in house', it didn't cost a fortune.



Edit: Yes, I know. Everybody says that.

Sidn22ey

I really hope she doesn't go on MSE and work out this is about her!

Gloomendoom

Sidn22ey wrote: »

I really hope she doesn't go on MSE and work out this is about her!

It's probably over and done with now anyway. This thread was started last September!

andygb

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Or are the weddings you go to always so conventional that an invitation is all you need? You know exactly what is going to happen because it will be exactly the same as the last wedding you went to, and the one before that.

I have to admit, that although we go to a couple of weddings a year (over the past twenty years - do the maths), every single one has been "conventional", from registry, through village hall receptions, wedding centres, stately homes (with marquee and jazz band) - not one has been unconventional. At no time were we expected to do anything out of the ordinary - get our kit off for instance (how tacky at a wedding:().
As all the invitations were sent out well in advance, we have always been able to organise our own transport and find somewhere to stay, and we have NEVER turned down a wedding invitation.
The only time that we have received "dress code" instructions, was twice, from the relations from hell, and we are no longer on speaking terms with them. Not content with saying what colour outfit we were to wear, they even tried to tie us down to a certain shop:eek:
I ended up buying a lighweight suit from Matalan (which also looks good when we go to Italy or the South of France), and in the photographs, I was the only one in a non creased, non sweaty, non designer suit. My OH also looked lovely in her TKMax dress.
At the other end of the scale I have photographed a couple of weddings (an absolute nightmare:(), and the worst one was where the bride, groom and family members looked scruffy in every photo, and they insisted on their little boys appearing in every shot - both wearing football shirts:eek:
I have never in my life heard of any guest having to pay for their meal at a reception.

Gloomendoom

Most of the weddings we go to are conventional too. There is nothing wrong with a conventional wedding, if that is what you want.

I've been to all sorts of weddings. Weddings where tables through the windows fights have broken out, to weddings where all there is to eat is cheese and I must admit, overall, I've enjoyed them all.

I must be easily pleased.

lazer

coolcait wrote: »

If you get 20 toasters from the guests at your wedding, your options are rather more limited.

A wedding list can serve a practical purpose - for guests as well as the couple.

No guest wants to feel that their carefully chosen gift is just one toaster out of 20. No matter how much the happy couple appreciate the thought.

Just wanted to point out we had no gift list (or at least not one that we told anyone about - set one up in Debenhams and bought stuff from it ourselves to get the free £50 gift card!).

We received no Toasters (did get 1 toastie maker), about half our guests give cash, the other half give presents (including some vouchers), some give a mixture of both.
We got very few duplicate presents - and some lovely unusual things.

Even if we did get 2 or 3 toasters, we will hopefully live nice long lives and I doubt one toaster would last us a lifetime.

There was only 1 thing i really wanted as a wedding present and my mum knew this and told my aunt and she got it for me!

I loved the surprise element in opening the presents - a wedding list would not have been the same!!

Idiophreak

lazer wrote: »

Even if we did get 2 or 3 toasters, we will hopefully live nice long lives and I doubt one toaster would last us a lifetime.

Looking at it the other way, though....If you assume a toaster lasts 10 years, you'd be up to 30 years of using toasters to other people's tastes before you could finally choose one that you liked...

And of course that assumes that toaster technology doesn't move forward in the next 30 years

ash28

coolcait wrote: »

Whilst I see the point you're making about gift giving being optional, I can also see that the bride and groom are in a very difficult situation.

They may have no 'expectation' of a gift. However, they will be aware that many of those who are invited to the wedding will 'expect' to bring a gift with them.

Because giving gifts is a part of existing wedding traditions. There's almost a societal 'expectation' that 'If we go to a wedding, we give the couple a gift'.

So, some guests would find it extremely rude to be told "No gifts required!"

In the same way that some guests find it very rude to be told "Cash only, please!"

I've been to all sorts of weddings where wedding present requests went from a selection of Waterford Crystal at John Lewis to money to "just bring yourself and celebrate the day with us".

The one that did pee me off a little bit was the Waterford Crystal list at John Lewis, it was pretty expensive - and the sub £50 (not that there were many) went first. £70 for a pair of wine glasses is beyond a lot of people.

We are going to a wedding in few weeks, the venue is a very nice country hotel (ex stately home) where rooms are £250 a night b&b, the wedding consists of the wedding (obviously) and afternoon tea. There is no reception as such. The happy couple don't want presents but would like everyone to join them for dinner in the restaurant and spend the money you would have spent on a wedding present on your meal.

Not too bad until you look at the menu and the cost - they do a set menu for £40 or you can have the A la Carte. With a drink and a coffee there would no change from £100 for 2 on the set menu. We can afford it but I do know people who have been invited who can't afford to spend that sort of money on a meal and if they had been buying something or giving money would have spent or given around £20 to £30. It's also on a Thursday - so not exactly a convenient day for a lot of people, but a cheaper day in the hotel for weddings than a Saturday.

This is the first wedding I have been invited to where you are asked to buy your own meal. The couple are on a tight budget and have chosen the cheapest option in a posh venue.

I haven't decided if we will stay and have a meal in the restaurant - it's not the cost - it's the fact it's in the restaurant with all of the other hotel guests and you have to book your table as normal....so you could be sitting anywhere. If they had allocated a number of tables in one area of the restaurant I would probably have the meal with them - but if we are to be placed anywhere in the restaurant - I'd probably eat somewhere of my choice and not theirs.

Unless someone has a list of presents we usually give money - they can spend it on whatever they like then. I know people who won't give money but will give vouchers. I don't mind wedding present lists either - I'd rather give someone something they want than something they might already have. It's just the lists like the Waterford Crystal list that I think are a bit of a cheek.

I do find some couples are greedy or perhaps it's thoughtlessness (the Waterford Crystal list), I remember a friend of my daughter who got married last year was almost apoplectic at the amount of money some people had given as presents (they asked for money) - it's quite put me off giving money now - I would hate to be the subject of the type of venom that DD's friend spouted over her wedding presents.....

Idiophreak

ash28 wrote: »

I remember a friend of my daughter who got married last year was almost apoplectic at the amount of money some people had given as presents

Hmm...I can see the headline now....

"Horrible person in no generous wedding gifts shock!"