Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Saturnalia

warehouse wrote: »

...and I bet it was a fantastic night too?

Yes it was!

Our parents have been members of that club for donkey's years, my sister and I grew up being taken there on a weekend, and I worked behind the bar there for a few years. So all the regulars in the main room came in to congratulate bride and groom, we knew all the bar staff so had a good chat with them all, and the Vicar who married them earlier that day drinks there so he came in and mingled for most of the night.

All the guests said what a great night and nice atmosphere it was in there. Really personal and friendly. It wouldn't have been the same in a venue where we weren't regulars.

Mrs_Optimist

Fascinating posts.

This isn't strictly wedding related but a family member has recently got engaged and is having an engagement meal which we are all expected to attend, being family. We had no say on the menu or price but were told it was a set menu of £25 per head. For 2 courses. No child options. As we have 2 children we will be lucky to get much change out of £125 after factoring in 4 meals and drinks (and we have to travel a 200 mile round trip too so there will be petrol costs in addition to that). As it is immediate family we feel no option but to go as we will be the only family members not in attendance otherwise. We are also the only family members with children, so whilst most have to pay for 1 or 2 meals we have to pay 4. I wish people would give more consideration when arranging these things.

Another invite is for a distant relative having a 60th party. She has cheekily asked for gift vouchers for a certain jewellery store to "buy herself an item of jewellery with the vouchers that she can wear and think of us all whilst wearing it - as well as a reminder that she is now 60". Needless to say we WILL NOT be attending that particular party. She wont be getting a damn card either,, cheeky mare!

Whatever happened to just being happy that guests turned up to share your special day. When did weddings stretch from one day, to a stag/hen weeked in addition?

Idiophreak

Person_one wrote: »

I like to put time, thought and effort into choosing something that will hopefully be a pleasant surprise for them and will convey the fact that I care about them.

If you think gifts are just one more way to get the stuff you want, I really think you're missing out on a lot.

I think the key word there is "hopefully"...and, to be honest, if I were rich enough, I'd probably take "hopefully" as a good enough reason to give someone something I thought they might like. As it stands, however, I'm happier *knowing* that the money I spend is being invested in something they actually want/need.

I fully get the point you're making - and as I said before, I think that "off-list" gifts can be some of the best - I just have a lot of stuff I know I want and like to get some of this stuff, maybe before all the other stuff that other people think I *should* want...

POPPYOSCAR

Person_one wrote: »

I like to put time, thought and effort into choosing something that will hopefully be a pleasant surprise for them and will convey the fact that I care about them.

If you think gifts are just one more way to get the stuff you want, I really think you're missing out on a lot.

I used to spend a lot of time and effort into choosing gifts, stressing out in the process.

I have with experienced learned that it is just not worth it most of the time, as what I might feel is a thoughtful gift, although appreciated is not what they would actually want. So now I always ask if there is something specific they would like.

I know a couple that were given a spa day experience. They went only so as not to offend the giver. They did not want to spend the time there and did not enjoy the day and lied when asked about it.
I would rather not put someone in that position in the first place.

freddiesmum09

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

Fascinating posts.

This isn't strictly wedding related but a family member has recently got engaged and is having an engagement meal which we are all expected to attend, being family. We had no say on the menu or price but were told it was a set menu of £25 per head. For 2 courses. No child options. As we have 2 children we will be lucky to get much change out of £125 after factoring in 4 meals and drinks (and we have to travel a 200 mile round trip too so there will be petrol costs in addition to that). As it is immediate family we feel no option but to go as we will be the only family members not in attendance otherwise. We are also the only family members with children, so whilst most have to pay for 1 or 2 meals we have to pay 4. I wish people would give more consideration when arranging these things.

Another invite is for a distant relative having a 60th party. She has cheekily asked for gift vouchers for a certain jewellery store to "buy herself an item of jewellery with the vouchers that she can wear and think of us all whilst wearing it - as well as a reminder that she is now 60". Needless to say we WILL NOT be attending that particular party. She wont be getting a damn card either,, cheeky mare!

Whatever happened to just being happy that guests turned up to share your special day. When did weddings stretch from one day, to a stag/hen weeked in addition?

Wow!! Some people have a cheek! And some people are just so unconsiderate... sorry but an engagement dinner, and £25 a head:eek:? Do people not think of the family members with kids/on benefits/low incomes when they plan this stuff? Why can't the newly engaged couple host everyone round theres if they want to celebrate it so much?

I have a sort of similar situation... Friend of mine getting married... started off so excited for her... I am currently dreading both the wedding and the hen do and have gone off the bride considerably since shes been engaged.

The hen do price has gone up and up, and started with a very basic cheapish plan (which at the time I budgeted for and I agreed to go!)

I now have to take along to the hen do: £10 cash for food/decorations, a contribution of food (each of the 12 guests have been given items to bring) roughly £5 each, Plain t-shirt that will get ruined, Present for the Hen £5, Some baked goodies ie cake, Chocolate

Plus most of the other girls going are going out in the eve so will need an extra £50 or more for taxi/drinks (where they are planning on going is miles away so I got out of this)

This whole plan just seems a bit much for me. If/when I get married I am planning a really simple/cheap hen do. Will pay for the lot myself and treat my best friends and closest family members... Its the people that make it, not the amount you spend on food/decs. Same with a wedding, the idea of charging people for their meal just makes me feel sick, how do people think this is acceptable?

Anyway it gets worse....

Also included with the wedding invitations were JL gift list numbers... all sounds ok and as you'd expect.. til the day the gift list opened...

Logged onto facebook to see the bride had announced her excitement that the gift list had opened..including the gift list number. The next day the groom does exactly the same... I was cringing for them.:o

gloriouslyhappy

Personally, I don't think it's right to ask people to pay for your wedding although requesting honeymoon contributions seems to be more common these days. When we married year before last, we had a lovely registry office wedding followed by an afternoon tea in the community room of our local museum. My friends, family and I decorated the community room the day before with items from our local street market, which was a big giggle and also served as my 'hen party'. I paid for the caterer who made and served a traditional afternoon tea - cucumber sandwiches and scones etc, and I provided the drinks and 2 tier wedding cake which I made - champagne and sparkling elderflower from Costco bought well ahead of time when good bargains came up. I bought my dress from a bridesmaid website for not very much and did all the flowers myself with blooms, ribbon and pots from the market eked out with greenery from the garden, and hubby wore his suit - with a new tie. We had the evening party at home with boxes of wine and party sandwich platters from Costco plus cakes I'd baked and frozen ahead of time.

The invites, from vistaprint, stated 'no gifts please but feel free to bring a bottle of bubbly to the party' and most people did so we were a very merry group. We were very touched by all the people who made an effort to attend from in UK long distance and overseas, family and friends living nearby offered beds so no one needed a hotel unless they especially wanted one. There were 50 guests (all the registry office holds) for the wedding and tea, and 100+ in the evening, our house was bursting at the seams but no one seemed to mind. Everyone brought a camera and emailed us their photos next day, and those with cars offered lifts between the RO, museum and our house. Usually it's the couple who send out 'thank you' letters afterwards, but we ended up getting lots of letters thanking us for one of the nicest and most relaxed weddings they'd attended! Including clothes, fees, caterer, food, wine, rings (wedding bands only - my engagement ring came from an elderly aunt left to me in her will the year before, which hubby paid to have reset in a design we both liked), invites, flowers and some small thank-you tokens, we spent the grand total of £1475.23.

Even if I'd had a bigger budget, I wouldn't have changed a thing, it was a special day very personal to us with all our special people there to celebrate with us, and no financial worries for us, or more importantly, for our guests. Happy memories, which is what it's all about!

meritaten

freddiesmum09 wrote: »

Wow!! Some people have a cheek! And some people are just so unconsiderate... sorry but an engagement dinner, and £25 a head:eek:? Do people not think of the family members with kids/on benefits/low incomes when they plan this stuff? Why can't the newly engaged couple host everyone round theres if they want to celebrate it so much?

I have a sort of similar situation... Friend of mine getting married... started off so excited for her... I am currently dreading both the wedding and the hen do and have gone off the bride considerably since shes been engaged.

The hen do price has gone up and up, and started with a very basic cheapish plan (which at the time I budgeted for and I agreed to go!)

I now have to take along to the hen do: £10 cash for food/decorations, a contribution of food (each of the 12 guests have been given items to bring) roughly £5 each, Plain t-shirt that will get ruined, Present for the Hen £5, Some baked goodies ie cake, Chocolate

Plus most of the other girls going are going out in the eve so will need an extra £50 or more for taxi/drinks (where they are planning on going is miles away so I got out of this)

This whole plan just seems a bit much for me. If/when I get married I am planning a really simple/cheap hen do. Will pay for the lot myself and treat my best friends and closest family members... Its the people that make it, not the amount you spend on food/decs. Same with a wedding, the idea of charging people for their meal just makes me feel sick, how do people think this is acceptable?

Anyway it gets worse....

Also included with the wedding invitations were JL gift list numbers... all sounds ok and as you'd expect.. til the day the gift list opened...

Logged onto facebook to see the bride had announced her excitement that the gift list had opened..including the gift list number. The next day the groom does exactly the same... I was cringing for them.:o

At the wedding I mentioned my DD and DIL have been invited to the hen 'do'. she wants £100 deposit - for what they have no idea as its a 'surprise'! Well, surprise surprise, both DD and DIL said 'Bu99er that, we are not going'! we were not planning on spending £100 on the hen do!
I am dreading this bluddy wedding! I wish them well (they have lived together a couple of years - but, I would rather not go to this posh venue - spend on one day what it would cost for a weeks holiday (which I am desperate for but will have to forego) all because bride wants to have 'the wedding of her dreams' - yeah and my nightmare!

Saturnalia

Aaargh, hen dos! My best-friend-since-infant-school is having a 2-night city break this summer. So far £80 for the hotel. Then travel costs (fair enough as if she had had her hen in our hometown I would have had to have travelled anyway). I don't know yet what daytime activities are planned as she is still at the getting numbers stage, but there will certainly be two nights out on the town, two restaurant meals and the dreaded bill-splitting, two lunches to buy, sashes and t-shirts and willy-themed novelties... I've tried doing the maths and it is eye watering.

She is my closest friend and there's no way I could bear to not go - but it is a heck of a lot of money to find as I am already skint. And there are other things I was planning to save money for.

And I have her wedding itself and a family christening to attend this summer.

wik

I would never go to a wedding where I had to pay for my meal!

Last year an old friend of the family got married, and the wedding was 200 miles away, he wrote in our invite that us attending was all the present he wanted, But my darling mum had always said you never go to something empty handed, I was very short of money - so spent £5 on a very basic - but big wooden photo frame... (ohhhh and when it came to outfits - as was so far away and we didnt know many peeps - we all recycled outfits we had at home )

A while later got some photos sent of thier new house, and was so happy to see they have one of thier wedding pics on the wall in my frame

ohhhh and whispers.... I am 46 and still do wish lists for birthdays and Christmas, as does my 71 year old dad and my darling monsters... It makes life so much easier, and none of us get things we dont want! we all list 5 or 6 things, and then all can look, choose and tell the others what has been got

MrsE_2

Saturnalia wrote: »

Aaargh, hen dos! My best-friend-since-infant-school is having a 2-night city break this summer. So far £80 for the hotel. Then travel costs (fair enough as if she had had her hen in our hometown I would have had to have travelled anyway). I don't know yet what daytime activities are planned as she is still at the getting numbers stage, but there will certainly be two nights out on the town, two restaurant meals and the dreaded bill-splitting, two lunches to buy, sashes and t-shirts and willy-themed novelties... I've tried doing the maths and it is eye watering.

She is my closest friend and there's no way I could bear to not go - but it is a heck of a lot of money to find as I am already skint. And there are other things I was planning to save money for.

And I have her wedding itself and a family christening to attend this summer.

When did stag & hens do stop being a night on the !!!! & become a holiday?