Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Idiophreak

andygb wrote: »

I don't see the point of adults (or even children) making lists of things which they want, why not just buy tem yourself?
What about the people who are not financially well off? Do they just sit on the side watching everyone else opening all these presents?

Two very different points in two adjacent paragraphs, there...

Why not just buy them yourself? Not everyone has infinite money that they can just buy everything they want when they want it...Personally, I have a set amount of spending money each month - and if I spend all of that *then* see something else I like, I add it to my list.

As to people who don't have much money - personally, I feel the list is even more valuable in that situation - as money's harder to come by, it's even more imperative that they don't waste it on things the receiver just doesn't want. As Gingernutty says, it's just about ensuring there's something to suit all budgets. For instance, my list always has wine on it, it always has socks, it always has those little Lindt chocolates...So there's always something on there for <£3...

I imagine the inverse is true in this situation, too. If I were broke and really needed a new kettle, or was desperate to see a certain film in the cinema etc - I imagine I'd be thankful for someone giving me a couple of decorative candlesticks...but I may be more appreciative of the things I really wanted or needed....

andygb

Idiophreak wrote: »

Two very different points in two adjacent paragraphs, there...

Why not just buy them yourself? Not everyone has infinite money that they can just buy everything they want when they want it...Personally, I have a set amount of spending money each month - and if I spend all of that *then* see something else I like, I add it to my list.

As to people who don't have much money - personally, I feel the list is even more valuable in that situation - as money's harder to come by, it's even more imperative that they don't waste it on things the receiver just doesn't want. As Gingernutty says, it's just about ensuring there's something to suit all budgets. For instance, my list always has wine on it, it always has socks, it always has those little Lindt chocolates...So there's always something on there for <£3...

I imagine the inverse is true in this situation, too. If I were broke and really needed a new kettle, or was desperate to see a certain film in the cinema etc - I imagine I'd be thankful for someone giving me a couple of decorative candlesticks...but I may be more appreciative of the things I really wanted or needed....

We had a bad situation with certain relations years ago, where they (the SiL) tried to dictate how much we would spend on them (particularly the nieces and nephew) and she wanted receipts as well so that they could change the presents (they just wanted to check up how much we were spending on them).
I then decided that it was time the whole present thing stopped, as they were expecting £25 a time for birthdays and Christmas.
We kind of fell out after that - no great loss as far as I was concerned.

Person_one

Idiophreak wrote: »

Two very different points in two adjacent paragraphs, there...

Why not just buy them yourself? Not everyone has infinite money that they can just buy everything they want when they want it...Personally, I have a set amount of spending money each month - and if I spend all of that *then* see something else I like, I add it to my list.

As to people who don't have much money - personally, I feel the list is even more valuable in that situation - as money's harder to come by, it's even more imperative that they don't waste it on things the receiver just doesn't want. As Gingernutty says, it's just about ensuring there's something to suit all budgets. For instance, my list always has wine on it, it always has socks, it always has those little Lindt chocolates...So there's always something on there for <£3...

I imagine the inverse is true in this situation, too. If I were broke and really needed a new kettle, or was desperate to see a certain film in the cinema etc - I imagine I'd be thankful for someone giving me a couple of decorative candlesticks...but I may be more appreciative of the things I really wanted or needed....

As a bona fide poor person, I just want to point out that we don't all feel that way!

I don't like this new meaning of gift giving at all, it sounds like nothing more than shopping by proxy to me. If all people want is stuff they choose themselves then we may as well stop bothering and all just hold on to our own money!

tara747

MrsE wrote: »

Well luckily for us, we take a certain similar type of holiday & the location has been discussed with the immediate family who will be going & we are all happy with Mexico.

You're not invited so it shouldn't bug you where my DD is getting married.

It bugs me that strangers on a forum think its ok to be rude about people who choose to do their wedding a little bit different (and cheaper) than the norm.

Perhaps you don't travel very often, but destinations to where there are no scheduled flights & that are served by the package companies, well you can get a flight only ticket from a package operator.

Excuse me. I couldnt give a hoot where your daughter gets married. You said that she was purposely sending invitations to people whom she knows can't attend. That, in my opinion, is fishing for presents. I've seen it a hundred times. And I am entitled to my opinion.

Oh and I do travel quite extensively and often, thank you. I simply don't want to go to package holiday destinations, I don't find them at all interesting. I prefer independent travel, as I've said. So, flight-only package or not, we'll be giving it a miss. :cool:

Clueless969 wrote: »

There seems to be far too many folk on here that are taking the comments personally - I'm reasonably sure that none of the comments are aimed at anyone specific but are just folk speaking from personal feelings and experience.

Personally, as I've already hinted, I need a very good reason to attend anyone's wedding. If any of my children decided to get married in their "overseas dream location", they would be doing it without me. Yes, I do love my children but picking an "overseas dream location" and expecting even one's nearest and dearest to turn up because you've decided that's what you want is, as far as I am concerned, 100% selfish.

The presumption that anyone's family members might have the time to spare or a large sum of money to spend on a holiday that happens to coincide with the "happy day" is unreasonable.

Again personally, there is no way that I would attend any wedding that was out of my financial reach as I would not, even for my children, go into debt just to be there for their happy day. I would also like to think that my children would be more considerate than to put their close family under that sort of pressure.

Just my personal tuppence worth.

Beautifully put. :A

Idiophreak

Person_one wrote: »

As a bona fide poor person, I just want to point out that we don't all feel that way!

I don't like this new meaning of gift giving at all, it sounds like nothing more than shopping by proxy to me.

So you'd actually rather give someone something they'd simply throw away, than something you knew they'd like?

Each to their own, I guess.

ETA: thought I'd respond to your "shopping by proxy" comment, too - and I guess it kind of is, really....but that's the point, for a lot of people...They want stuff. They can't afford stuff...So someone else shops for them and buys them the stuff they want. I don't really see much wrong with that...

Kayalana99

Idiophreak wrote: »

So you'd actually rather give someone something they'd simply throw away, than something you knew they'd like?

Each to their own, I guess.

This is why I don't buy christmas/birthday cards.

Why buy something that is just going to go in the bin when you can spend extra on the gift. :T

Person_one

Idiophreak wrote: »

So you'd actually rather give someone something they'd simply throw away, than something you knew they'd like?

Each to their own, I guess.

ETA: thought I'd respond to your "shopping by proxy" comment, too - and I guess it kind of is, really....but that's the point, for a lot of people...They want stuff. They can't afford stuff...So someone else shops for them and buys them the stuff they want. I don't really see much wrong with that...

I like to put time, thought and effort into choosing something that will hopefully be a pleasant surprise for them and will convey the fact that I care about them.

If you think gifts are just one more way to get the stuff you want, I really think you're missing out on a lot.

warehouse

I don't get, I really don't. If YOU are getting married then YOU pay for everything. Guests DON'T pay. Period.

When I married my beautiful Wife in 1995, we paid for everything. Our guests din't have to pay a single penny. We worked very hard to save up to pay for everything, and were bl**dy proud we managed to do so. I still remember the cost, we did the lot, including honeymoon, for £13K.

Since then all our friends have married and every one had the reception in a posh hotel where drinks and rooms were ridiculously overpriced. That's all I remember about any of them.

You invite, you pay. It's not a difficult concept to understand.

Saturnalia

When my sister and BIL got married, they had their afternoon do at a posh hotel but then had their evening disco do in the concert room at the local working men's.

They said that they had been to enough posh venue night dos where guests were nursing a half-pint for hours. At the afternoon, wine and water were served with lunch and the afternoon bar prices weren't all that dear, but for the night reception, they wanted everyone to let their hair down and party without being bankrupted.

And the room looked very nice as we'd all gone round the afternoon room and picked up the flowers, balloons and other fripperies that had been paid for and we were allowed to take, and we used them to decorate the night room.

And the town guests all volunteered to put up the out-of-towners at their homes, so no-one stayed in a hotel unless they chose to and taxi-sharing was cheaper.

warehouse

Saturnalia wrote: »

When my sister and BIL got married, they had their afternoon do at a posh hotel but then had their evening disco do in the concert room at the local working men's.

...and I bet it was a fantastic night too?