Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Idiophreak

Person_one wrote: »

Oh come on, you knew what point I was making. If its unacceptable for children though, it should be even less so for adults old enough to get married surely!

Demanding presents is always unacceptable. Yes. But, in reality, nobody ever "demands" presents for their wedding. The worst most could be accused of is "expecting" people to give gifts - which is, I feel, quite forgiveable...I certainly feel, as a guest, that I'm "expected" to give a gift, so I don't see why it's rude, as the host, to imagine other people would feel that way and try and advise them how best to spend that money.

But then I'm 29 and I still exchange Christmas lists with my sister, who's 32 and, indeed, my parents who are...well, rather older. You know what, it's great. People actually get stuff they want, and people get to give gifts the other people actually enjoy and use. You should try it.

Person_one

Idiophreak wrote: »

Demanding presents is always unacceptable. Yes. But, in reality, nobody ever "demands" presents for their wedding. The worst most could be accused of is "expecting" people to give gifts - which is, I feel, quite forgiveable...I certainly feel, as a guest, that I'm "expected" to give a gift, so I don't see why it's rude, as the host, to imagine other people would feel that way and try and advise them how best to spend that money.

But then I'm 29 and I still exchange Christmas lists with my sister, who's 32 and, indeed, my parents who are...well, rather older. You know what, it's great. People actually get stuff they want, and people get to give gifts the other people actually enjoy and use. You should try it.

29 and still doing a Christmas list? Ok, nevermind then, maybe everybody else is sane and its me that gone mad.

Idiophreak

Person_one wrote: »

29 and still doing a Christmas list? Ok, nevermind then, maybe everybody else is sane and its me that gone mad.

Yep, and birthday lists too.
ETA: I will give a list when it's asked for, to make the buyer's life easier. I don't thrust it on them, and I'm happy and thankful to receive anything, whether it be on the list or [STRIKE]random junk[/STRIKE] a thoughtful off-list gift...;)

On the balance of probability, I think you'd have to accept that you're mad. (if "disagreeing with other people" is your definition of mad, anyway). Think about it, you've got wedding gift registries, bliss list, honeymoon wish lists, then you've got amazon wish lists, wiggle wish lists....there are thousands of different places that offer these things - because a lot of people think they're a really obvious, good idea.

BTW, I hope I'm not coming across as sounding too ungrateful - I do of course appreciate gifts that take time and thought to get right - in fact, these are often the best...but I generally get them from people who know me pretty well. If my sister says "I saw this in a shop and thought of you..." I know it will probably be something I don't have and that is to my taste...sadly, the same can't be said of my extended family, or work colleagues, or school friends, or a bunch of other people that get invited to weddings...and it works both ways. I don't know what to get someone I've not seen for a few years, who I used to go to nu-metal gigs with, as a wedding present...a new slipknot poster? the latest Marilyn Manson biography? probably not, eh...So what then? Toastie Maker? Sea shell picture frame? hmm...

Saturnalia

Hee hee, my parents always ASK my sister and me to make a Christmas List! And I always ask people if there is something specific they'd like for a special occasion. My nephew has an Amazon wish list for his upcoming 4th birthday, that's because he loves books and the family always buy him lots of them but he always ends up with quite a few duplicates. With the list, we aren't wasting our money buying him ones he already has and his parents aren't trying to exchange them, especially now they have a 3-month old to look after too.

But back to weddings. I'm happy to get a gift list for exactly the reasons above - I know I am giving the bride & groom something they need or want and would use. The only time I'd think a gift list was cheeky would be if they had lots of very expensive gifts on it and nothing at a cheaper end of the scale. Especially when the couple and their families and friends are by no means rich!

I suppose if I moved in wealthy circles where £100s on a gift was nothing then it would be the norm... but that isn't a problem I have. :-)

skivenov

Idiophreak wrote: »

Meh...I don't like waste. The idea of people buying me a bunch of toasters, nude figurines, crystal salt cellars and Lilliputia Lane cottages was quite horrifying. They spend their money, you have junk to either a) stick in the attic for the rest of your life b) just throw away.

Personally, I liked the people that came to my wedding...so really just didn't want them wasting money...

Think that's exactly it. It's not about the money, I think everyone present had got as little as each other, it's about the people.

To be fair, it was probably the best reception I've ever been to. Function room of our favourite pub, Eat and drink what you want, kareoke, bit of a boogie, and few games of pool. Got to love having simple tastes!

Person_one

So 'its the thought that counts' has pretty much gone out the window now? not relevant anymore?

I still like it.

Gingernutty

Person_one wrote: »

So 'its the thought that counts' has pretty much gone out the window now? not relevant anymore?

I still like it.

It's the thought that counts can turn into "what were you thinking?!"

People have less money these days and certainly can't afford to waste it on unappreciated stuff that isn't going to be used.

A Christmas/wedding list is a good idea, just as long as there are gifts to suit all budgets and not just expensive stuff.

The giver knows the gift is wanted and will be used and the receiver gets just what they wanted.

spectacularkneepads110

Just read from start to end.... My my how opinions differ!

To answer the original question, I would probably still go but I wouldn't pay. OP, please come back and tell us what happens/happened. :rotfl:

In the case of a quick wedding organised due to illness etc (as in Marie-20's case) id absolutely contribute. Completely different scenario though.

Other thoughts as I read the marathon thread...

If never been to a wedding that didn't have loads of night-time only people show up.

I've been to weddings where I was only important enough for night and not for day and didn't feel the slightest bit offended.

I have no issues giving the happy couple money as a gift if they already have towels and a kettle from living together (which lets face it, is the norm these days). Wedding lists are a godsend - I'm awful at present buying in any situation.

I went to a wedding many years ago as a night-time guest only and we chose (well, my then-girlfriend chose) an ornament thing which I thought was horrible and I now know... So did the bride and groom :rotfl: (Bride is a very close friend of mine). In that instance, they specified no gifts, but my girlfriend felt uncomfortable showing up empty handed. We should have given cash - although they are very well off so somehow that didn't seem quite appropriate either.

andygb

Person_one wrote: »

29 and still doing a Christmas list? Ok, nevermind then, maybe everybody else is sane and its me that gone mad.

We don't do presents any more, because we feel that there is too much competing, too many difficult decisions.
So we turn up at birthdays, Easter, Christmas, with a card, flowers/bottle of wine and enjoy the company - it takes all the pressure off.
I don't see the point of adults (or even children) making lists of things which they want, why not just buy tem yourself?
What about the people who are not financially well off? Do they just sit on the side watching everyone else opening all these presents?

missile

I hate cliff hangers. OP tell us what happened next?