Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I agree but the problem is often that you can be told it's x months away so you have plenty time to save and be annoyed when you still don't want to go.

Or if you say no and then go on holiday somewhere else, or make a big purchase, you can get comments about your priorities.

Anyone else remember the wedding vs new sofa thread?

florere

msb5262 wrote: »

Thanks coolcait - that saved me a job!

Finally found the reference to the brother on page 4 of the responses, so at least I now know I am not stupid!:D

Clueless969

Person_one wrote: »

Or if you say no and then go on holiday somewhere else, or make a big purchase, you can get comments about your priorities.

Anyone else remember the wedding vs new sofa thread?

Indeed and I then point out that, as they've suggested, they are **my** priorities, not theirs.

[Deleted User]

lazer wrote: »

What if the reason for an oversee's wedding is that it is where the bride or groom is from - would that change peoples feelings about going to an oversea's wedding?

We had a smallish 'family & friends' Hindu wedding abroad in my husband's country, plus a party after, then 8 months later had our legal UK wedding here for our UK family & friends. Double planning, etc but it seemed the only fair, polite & nice thing to do!

We never expected anyone to travel to another country, indeed we were very grateful and happy that some close family & friends travelled 200 miles plus within England.

A plus point was that our Nepal wedding cost a quarter of what it would here :money: and a good part of it was paid for by a generous gift from my Aunt & Uncle who decided that, as we don't (can't) have children they would give us something as they buy Xmas/b'day pressies for all their great-nieces & nephews. Completely unexpected but wonderful!

I would never expect anyone to pay towards the wedding party costs, except maybe extra booze/drinks not provided by the couple.

marie-20

Well this is a bit awkward I was one of 'those' people who asked for family to pay for their own meals however we asked them to pay instead of a present.

My husband and I got married with 8 weeks notice (as soon as we were able!) as my hubby had a hematoma which the hospital thought had gone between his discs in his spine and his nerves which, if correct, may have left him paralyzed so we opted to get wed ASAP as I always planned on getting married at some point and wanted him to be stood at the end of the isle waiting for me. As it happens that hematoma disolved so we need not have got wed after all but as we had been together and living together for 7 years we didn't want any presents. All of our family bar one paid without any issues and gave us money towards the night do as well so all in all our wedding cost us £250 as I got my dress from TK Maxx for £35 as well as our daughters dress for £10 and our sons suit from a charity shop for £6.50 and we had to get married in the registry office rather than a church but our wedding day was perfect for us.

We had a hot buffet for our wedding meal which was £7.50 per head which was great as I couldn't and still can't imagine how all of the kids (familys as well) would have coped been couped up inside for a formal meal whereas they all got to play outside as the pub we went to closed it off for us for the full day at no extra charge.

Anyway I am waffling a bit however I guess my point is it would depend upon the circumstance as to whether it would bother me or not but I think I would happily pay for our meal but may not be willing to also buy a gift

Saturnalia

^ That's a sweet story. Glad your husband was ok after all.

Yours was a bit different though, I'd certainly contribute if a wedding had to be done on the quick & cheap due to circumstances.

You didn't have a list of "gimmes" and expect people to fund them though by the sounds of it! The couple in the OP have already turned down a cheaper menu for a more expensive one and it doesn't sound like they are stinting on other stuff!

securityguy

Person_one wrote: »

Or if you say no and then go on holiday somewhere else, or make a big purchase, you can get comments about your priorities.

Which you ignore.

You're under no obligation to have anything to do with your family just because they're your family. If you enjoy spending time with them, great. If you don't, there's plenty of other things to be doing. Family should be treated exactly the same as friends: if they get to the point where the relationship is causing you more trouble than it's worth, then stop it. You're under no obligation to spend time and energy on people who you don't like, just because they happen to be relatives.

securityguy

(Answered my own question with search)

Person_one

securityguy wrote: »

Which you ignore.

You're under no obligation to have anything to do with your family just because they're your family. If you enjoy spending time with them, great. If you don't, there's plenty of other things to be doing. Family should be treated exactly the same as friends: if they get to the point where the relationship is causing you more trouble than it's worth, then stop it. You're under no obligation to spend time and energy on people who you don't like, just because they happen to be relatives.

The issue isn't about feeling obliged by relatives because they are relatives for me, I certainly don't feel that!

Its not as simple as you're suggesting though.

When somebody you are close to, somebody you like, somebody you've cared about for years or decades starts to lose the plot a bit because of the constant stream of 'you're a princess its your special day' messages they are getting from the wedding industry (magazines, websites, other brides on forums, advertising, TV programmes etc.) then you don't just ditch them after everything because of this one blind spot!

You have the very awkward and sensitive task of trying to bring them back down to earth a bit! I've usually found that my friends are pretty sensible about their weddings, but hen parties can get waaay out of hand and cost a fortune!

slimbo

Pay for present or pay for meal. Not both. Simples!!