Would you pay to go to a wedding?

MrsE_2

Person_one wrote: »

There's definitely pressure though.

You see comments even on here along the lines of "If you really care about them you make it work" and so on.

There is no pressure from my dd on anyone, so long as I am there & for the groom so long as his mum & dad are there they are happy :-)

We take these type of holidays every year (I was in Sharm & Mexico last year - booked the Dom rep this year) so it's not unusual for us, same for the other parents.

I'm sure my dd doesn't expect presents from those she invites but can't go. The only people buying presents be the parents who are gifting some cash.

Bufger

FunWithFlags wrote: »

EDIT/UPDATE: This isn't officially confirmed yet from the horse's mouth but the latest news from bride's dad is that the bride has decided to select the set menu but rather than the cheaper £15 a head option, has plumped for the £18 a head option which is kind of her(!). No clue yet as to how she is going to ask everybody for the money since invitations have already gone out. OH is convinced she will ask everyone on the day and act like it was left off the invitation but I really don't think anyone can be that stupid so don't really know how she's going to manage to get the money off the guests. OH also mentioned to bride's dad that it's unlikely that we would be able to afford it and was bluntly told "well, you'll just have to". My brain just can't compute it anymore haha!

£18 per head and asking your guests to pay their own way?!

IF I even went (which i would highly doubt by this point) then they wouldnt be getting a wedding gift and i'd be taking my own booze. If they're asking for money on the night then I bet it'll kick off!

hightara

i think its very cheeky to ask a guest to pay for a meal....never heard of such a thing.:eek:

when me and hubby got married (huge family on both sides)

we used the local club (free)

two other family friends a photographer and dj offered their services for free.

hubbys friend a butcher supplied all the cold meats £200

mum and her sisters wanted to supply some dishes and ditto with my hubbys family.

we all arranged to make something different, had an open invitation to anyone that wanted to attend

couldnt believe the generosity of them all.

in the evening the local people who used the club came in and as there was so much food, plates where served to them too.

had the most wonderful day ever.

some guests also bought gifts even though we had told them we needed nothing only their attendance. (already had a home together).

yes we were lucky that we had friends and family who though not asked, wanted to help.
but we had enough money to supply everything before their offers,

if you want a big affair and can afford it great, if you want a big affair and have to depend on others to pay for it...you have got a cheek.

get real and have the wedding you can afford........:money:

Person_one

MrsE wrote: »

There is no pressure from my dd on anyone

I'm sorry, I'm sure she isn't directly pressuring anybody, but there is still pressure, and awkwardness, when you get an invite that you know you can't afford to accept.

Clueless969

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Once upon a time - before every bride had to outdo the last - if you had a limited budget then you hired the local community centre, set out some tables and had a buffet with cardboard plates and plastic tablecloths. Friends and family could offer to help with bringing stuff but that was as much contribution as was needed.

When did everything get to be about image?

Surely the most important thing on the day is that the bride and groom get married - in the presence of people who care about them and wish them well.

No massive gift lists held at John Lewis, no gimmicks for 'favours', no asking for money etc Just an invite saying 'we're getting married, come and join us, no need to feel guilty about the pressie or whatever, we just want you there because we want you to share our day'?

As Mr Punch would say - that's the way we do it!

Personally, haven't been to a family wedding for a very long time for a couple of main reasons.

1) We're not a close family and so I can see no point in spending the day with people that I have no real contact with except when an invite arrives for a birth/death/marriage.

2) If a family is spread over the UK, as mine is, it costs a serious amount of money just to attend any such celebration and, frankly, taking into account my first point, why would I attend.

Worked example - invite to a wedding 200 miles away would involve an overnight stay and if it's black tie (these "let's out do everyone else" weddings have a tendency to be) then there's clothing to hire (neither my wife nor myself own "black tie" clothes). If you have children to take along then the costs become even more outrageous.

So, 400 miles return by car is at leat £60
Bed and breakfast is another £60
Black tie hire is, I'm guessing, another £60
Present £30
Odds and end expenses like food/drink on the journey there and back £30

My calculator makes that £240 and then, in the question, I'm expected to pay for my share of the wedding breakfast :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

The other thing that is frequently forgotten is that the prospective bride and groom have probably lived together for quite a while and so have all of the conventional wedding presents. That really does only leave the option of cash or vouchers for a wedding present.

If I were to be invited to such a wedding and, for some reason, I actually wanted to go, then it would have to be pay for the food and forget the present.

duchy

Pressure?
Sounds like some people inflict pressure on themselves

I wouldn't go to a pay for yourself wedding of an acquaintance or distant family member ..... And I honestly don't think any of those close to me would come up with such an inappropriate idea.

If I ever got married again it'd either be over here registry office with close family and take them all out to dinner after or off to Vegas and if the adult children wanted to come with their kids pay for them .....other family and friends if they wanted to be there would be welcomed (and fed) but no expectation.

If I'm invited to distant weddings here or abroad then if its somewhere I'd like to visit I may decide to holiday or short break with the wedding thrown in but I wouldn't get annoyed by the fact it wasn't on my doorstep

MrsE_2

duchy wrote: »

Pressure?
Sounds like some people inflict pressure on themselves

If I'm invited to distant weddings here or abroad then if its somewhere I'd like to visit I may decide to holiday or short break with the wedding thrown in but I wouldn't get annoyed by the fact it wasn't on my doorstep

My attitude exactly.

tara747

MrsE wrote: »

If she did that she wouldn't ask anyone. No one is under any obligation at all to go. Only close family & friends will be invited anyway. If a couple of them decide to use it as their annual holiday it's a bonus.

This bugs me enormously. It's not a holiday if you have to spend at least a day of it (and probably longer) doing wedding-y stuff, and what if it's somewhere that you hate???

Everyone has different taste in holiday destinations. Some like 'traditional' resorts and package holidays, I hate them. I prefer independent travel.

A fairly close family member of OH's has mooted getting married in 2015 in a tacky European destination. There are no scheduled flights from here (only packages) so it would cost about £1,000 for me and OH just for travel and accommodation, plus we'd have to take a week's annual leave. NO WAY are we going. We're dreading the reaction when we say so but we won't change our minds.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

We are definately in agreement here. If someone were to invite me to a wedding abroad then it would be a no from me. It's ridiculous to expect people to have to give up holiday time and money for a time and place of someone else's choosing.

+1

MrsE_2

Person_one wrote: »

I'm sorry, I'm sure she isn't directly pressuring anybody, but there is still pressure, and awkwardness, when you get an invite that you know you can't afford to accept.

You can't say that. You don't know her relationship with her family & friends.
She will say "we are getting married on X in X, if you would like to come you are more than welcome, but we understand entirly if you can't & will share photos when we get bacl".

Thats not pressure.

mjbmjb

Would I pay to go to a wedding? - A big NO. The cheek of someone to even suggest such a thing. Tell them that it isn't the done thing. You're already paying for things like their wedding present, transport costs getting there and possibly even accommodation costs. Sometimes even suit hire. It's their day - they pay.

I find it bad enough at wedding receptions having to pay for over-priced drinks at the bar because of the choice of venue.

The cheapest way for wedding receptions is to hire a hall that's big enough and do the buffet yourselves. And fill up a couple of trolleys with bottles of wine, beer and soft drinks. Can easily be done for less than a grand. You don't need a disco. Wedding discos are crap.