Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Person_one

purpleweasel wrote: »

This was the problem at our wedding - we didn't want to ask for gifts as we had lived together a long time first but my Mum insisted that some people would buy us something anyway so we might as well be specific. We asked for money towards a specific item for home improvement so people knew it wouldn't just disappear into a pot. I like the idea of asking for specific items for honeymoon & sending pictures to the givers though

My sister wanted to invite people to bring a picnic to the park and have it like a fete with games etc - no worries about how many people they could invite on a very tight budget - but in the end sadly the weather won and she had to go for the local pub instead.

You're never supposed to ask for anything, even if you're setting up home together. There's nothing worse than a begging letter in an invitation!

You're supposed to wait for people to ask you (or your mum or bridesmaids etc.) and then you can offer a helpful suggestion.

(I don't mind giving money at all, its much easier, but I loathe getting an invoice. Especially if its in the form of a godawful poem.)

Mojisola

MrsE wrote: »

She will invite others, but we don't expect they shall attend, nor are they under any pressure to.

That not an invitation - that's just a notification that she's getting married.

I would find it a bit insulting to be sent an invitation following a discussion - well, we know Moji won't be able to afford to come but we'll sent her an invite anyway and then no-one can say we didn't think of her.

If a couple want a small wedding abroad, be honest about it and just invite the people they really want to be there.

Cimscate

When my nieces and nephews have got married I've given them around £25 for a wedding gift. I'm sure they would never ask for a contribution to food but if they did would still give £25 and it would have to cover the food as well. I think what they are asking is VERY bad form

lazer

tara747 wrote: »

So you'd spend £1,000 to go to a family member's wedding, but if your sister asked you to pay for the meal at hers, you'd deduct it from the cost of your gift??? Doesn't make sense.

If i paid £1k to go to a wedding, they wouldn't get a gift at all (or maybe a small momento just and a card). I wouldn't pay a £1k to go to some peoples wedding, but I would for others - including siblings.
Presence is more important that presents.

Person_one wrote: »

I earn less than £900 a month, lots of us do. Would you spend more than a month's wage to watch somebody sign a contract?

If I had it I would if it was someone close to me like a son, daughter, brother, sister or very close friend.
If I had savings for a house deposit, big holiday, my own wedding or retirement, I would use those savings and go to the wedding and delay whatever I was planning (if possible) until I had it saved again.
Would I get into debt for it - I honestly don't know, depends on how secure my job was and how quickly I could pay it back (I don't generally advocate getting into debt - but to attend my own childs (or someone elso very important to me) wedding I maybe would - I would at least seriously consider it.

To me a wedding is more than signing a contract, it is declaring you love for each other and making a lifetime committement to each other - although I also think it doesn't matter what you think of marriage, it is what the people getting married think of it, if they view it as a milestone in their life and the marriage is very important to them, then i imagine it is important to them that their friends and family are there (if invited!).

I don't agree with charging people to attend your wedding and I would be so ashamed if any of my family did this - but I would still go!

I got married 4 months ago and it was relatively expensive, it was not a budget wedding, but we could afford it and did not get into debt for it. We also considered our guests when booking the venue, was it accessible, was accommodation available etc. We provided food (sit down meal & evening buffet) and some drink (but not a free bar), good entertainment etc. My husbands parents paid for the accommodation for some people that had travelled from abroad (with them), we paid the accommodation for siblings, parents etc.

We were aware that people had paid money to get outfits, travel and stay for our wedding and we were also aware that people buy very generous presents and wanted to return their generousity by providing them with the best food and drink we could afford. We also did not include any gift list or silly poem with the invitations!

Brides and grooms should consider their guests when booking the wedding too, If i had a foreign wedding, I would not expect guests to come, I would be very happy for them to come but wouldn't expect it - if I wanted a big wedding with family and friends I would have it more local so that everyone could attend!

Guests should also consider the feelings of the Bride & Groom though - if the Bride and Groom have spent money going to your wedding, or birthday parties etc, do you not think you should therefore go to theirs?

pippinpuss

What a blooming cheek!

If you can't afford the wedding feast wait a few months until you can or downscale your plans. My own wedding (30 yrs ago) was a buffet style meal with guests helping themselves & sitting at booths. They sat with who they wanted, not where we put them with people they didn't know. One way of keeping cost down.

If they insisted we pay they wouldn't be getting a gift.

I've just declined an invitation to a wedding in April as it includes flights, hotel stay, car hire etc would have cost approx £1000

Lilith1980

lolavix wrote: »

I understand the other side though - if i was to get married, I have many aquantainces (sp) and not so close friends who I would be happy to have at a reception and would be glad to see, but I wouldn't be as happy to have a rammed wedding service and a sit down meal for them all...

We're planning on having a late registry office ceremony (4pm) and the reception buffet from early evening. We are only having close family/friends at the ceremony because we don't particularly want to invite all and sundry to the most important part of the day.

We have a few extra people invited to the evening reception and we're happy for those people to come and celebrate with us in the evening, but they are people I don't feel close enough to to have them at our ceremony. I don't see the problem with that, and if they do then they can decide not to come. Simples!

And yes, I do think it's a cheek to ask guests to pay. We're doing a late ceremony and buffet because it will be cheaper for us, thereby leaving us money to feed our guests!

silverswan

What's wrong with asking her outright if she's decided what she's doing about the meal. There are so many ifs and buts here. Is it free? is it £15? is it £18? Ask her, and also ask how she's going to get the money from the other guests as there was no mention of paying on the invitation. Then say (if it's £15 or £18) we really can't afford that with everything else, but what would you like as a present?
Be more forceful with her as she sounds like she could walk all over you. If you don't want to go then don't.
On the other hand she might have a comic side that no-one knows about yet and has never had any intention of charging for the meal!(Aye right!)

dorisbonkers

No way. Just turning-up is a big enough outlay these days with the costs of travel, overnight stay etc. By the time you add the gift and a few drinks, you can say goodbye to at least a couple of hundred quid. Tiddlywinks had the right idea. Have a big wedding if you and/or your parents can afford it, but for yer average punters, that 10 or 20 £k would be far better spent on a mortgage.

suki1001

I think originally I said I wouldn't mind, but I've changed my tune since your update- what a bare faced cheek!

My way would be have a cheaper wedding and pay for everyone. To say "well you'll have to" afford it - i.e. not giving you a choice, is extremely rude.

I'd be happy to chip in if someone genuinely strapped, but if I couldn't afford it, I'd go to iceland and have the reception in my living room! might not be posh, but I think the getting together bit is more important.

tara747

Person_one wrote: »

Really, I think she should only invite people she's willing to pay for. It's still too much to ask of guests even if you expect them to say no, they'll still feel obliged/awkward.

I agree. I think that we all know someone who's received an invitation to a destination wedding that the B&G knows they won't be able to attend, and thought: they're just angling for gifts, aren't they?

lazer wrote: »

If i paid £1k to go to a wedding, they wouldn't get a gift at all (or maybe a small momento just and a card). I wouldn't pay a £1k to go to some peoples wedding, but I would for others - including siblings.
Presence is more important that presents.


If I had it I would if it was someone close to me like a son, daughter, brother, sister or very close friend.
If I had savings for a house deposit, big holiday, my own wedding or retirement, I would use those savings and go to the wedding and delay whatever I was planning (if possible) until I had it saved again.
Would I get into debt for it - I honestly don't know, depends on how secure my job was and how quickly I could pay it back (I don't generally advocate getting into debt - but to attend my own childs (or someone elso very important to me) wedding I maybe would - I would at least seriously consider it.

To me a wedding is more than signing a contract, it is declaring you love for each other and making a lifetime committement to each other - although I also think it doesn't matter what you think of marriage, it is what the people getting married think of it, if they view it as a milestone in their life and the marriage is very important to them, then i imagine it is important to them that their friends and family are there (if invited!).

I don't agree with charging people to attend your wedding and I would be so ashamed if any of my family did this - but I would still go!

I got married 4 months ago and it was relatively expensive, it was not a budget wedding, but we could afford it and did not get into debt for it. We also considered our guests when booking the venue, was it accessible, was accommodation available etc. We provided food (sit down meal & evening buffet) and some drink (but not a free bar), good entertainment etc. My husbands parents paid for the accommodation for some people that had travelled from abroad (with them), we paid the accommodation for siblings, parents etc.

We were aware that people had paid money to get outfits, travel and stay for our wedding and we were also aware that people buy very generous presents and wanted to return their generousity by providing them with the best food and drink we could afford. We also did not include any gift list or silly poem with the invitations!

Brides and grooms should consider their guests when booking the wedding too, If i had a foreign wedding, I would not expect guests to come, I would be very happy for them to come but wouldn't expect it - if I wanted a big wedding with family and friends I would have it more local so that everyone could attend!

Guests should also consider the feelings of the Bride & Groom though - if the Bride and Groom have spent money going to your wedding, or birthday parties etc, do you not think you should therefore go to theirs?

You would delay your own wedding, house purchase or retirement to spend £1,000 attending a family member's wedding??? :eek:

And possibly get into debt to attend if it were your son/daughter? :eek::eek::eek::eek:

No way would we have let our parents be out of pocket to attend our wedding; we gladly paid for their accommodation and wouldn't have allowed them to pay themselves. If it had been abroad, we'd be paying for their flights as well.