Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Liz_Rhodes

Speaking as someone who went to their own wedding on a Park and Ride and had a party where everyone brought a plateful of food to share (25 years ago), you can guess that I have no sympathy with this tyrannical bride. Why do women think this is their great opportunity to act like spoilt brats? The groom should look carefully at the writing on the wall, unless of course he is colluding in this ridiculous and impertinent charade.So, no, don't go!:mad:

lostinrates

daisiegg wrote: »

I HATE it when people say this. My parents had a huge knees up for their wedding and are still very happily married 26 years later. All of their generation in our family were the same - enormous family weddings with hundreds of guests and big white dresses and hats and flowers and terrible amounts of 'fuss' and, shock horror, no divorces or separations 30 years later even though they had those big weddings!And yet people in that generation with big weddings do get divorced. Perhaps the reflection is good on other aspects of your family life rather than their weddings!

OH and I are planning what some might call an extravagant wedding (though we are paying for it ourselves and not getting into any debt) Here is a huge difference, debt can increase stress and expectation of the worth, and paying for yourselves removes the opportunity for mother of the bride symptom...and yes, this happens a,and it is because we are so overjoyed and ecstatically happy to be getting married that we want to celebrate with our friends and family and have them share in our happiness and give them all a fab day.

You might hate when people dismiss the worth of big weddings but this is also fairly dismissive of people who chose the other option. We had NO family at our wedding, and we were absolutely overjoyed and ecstatic. We had a romantic day, holding hands almost from start to finish, waking together, getting ready together, coming home together. Our ecstasy and joy might have been quieter but it was very, very sincere, I'm sure none of our guests will be complaining that they are coming to a wedding with lots of 'fuss' when they are coming to a beautiful venue, coaches are being put on for them, there is no specified dress code to conform to, we have not sent out a gift list and they are being given plenty of good food and drink all day. But apparently all the 'fuss' means our relationship is doomed?

I think it is very judgemental and unkind to say that if someone has a big wedding their marriage will be short.

ETA also wanted to say, I hear it often but have yet to see any evidence of 'weddings bringing out the worst in people'. Mine is very close now and so far, if anything, planning and preparing for this day has brought out the BEST in us and those around us. It has brought families together, re-cemented old friendships and even kick started new ones. There has been no animosity or aggro or stress or anyone showing the worst side of themselves.... (yet!!!)

You are lucky that you have seen no evidence of weddings bringing the worst out in people, or perhaps....less observant. We were anning a rather larger wedding and I was horrified at the decisions and opinions and bossiness of both my mother and my husbands father, and step mother, who had met my husband just a handful of times and was writing to me telling me what I should do and what my parents should pay (and that we shouldn't be getting married anyway because it is an outdated anti women convention and besides, we were doomed)and all sorts of outrageous things. These are normally rational (well, mainly) and well respected peoplle. They, none of them, can see how outrageous their expectations of each other and us were. I think a lot of peoplle organising weddings probably cannot see when their beautiful ideas cross into slightly unreasonable territory.

I am not, btw, saying your day sounds unpleasant.

MrsE_2

FunWithFlags wrote: »

Recently we were invited to a family member's wedding. The evening do is at the local rugby club and there's going to be either a buffet or a set meal, bride hasn't decided yet. One of her deciding factors is cost. The budget for the wedding is a couple of thousand and the venue cost has eaten the rest of the money up. As a result, the bride has told us she is considering asking each guest to pay for their meal which (if I remember correctly lol) is about £15 a head if she chooses a set menu meal or £8 a head for a buffet setting. I was quite surprised and admit I feel a little disgruntled that to go to the wedding we would be expected to fork out £30 on top of the wedding gift. Part of me feels like £30 is not much in the grand scheme of things to be part of someones special day but the other part of me feels like it's a bit cheeky! [ETA: £30 covers nearly two weeks food for us on a good fortnight lol!] I don't expect to be fed at the wedding so would not have been bothered if there wasn't any food but I feel a little annoyed that we are expected to contribute (in a manner) to their wedding budget when they have already begged money off family for the initial budget and then still overspent.

In comparison, another family member has just sent out her invites to us all and is having a much lower key venue for the reception and has said meals are provided and gifts are nice but not a must (still getting one though). I'm rambling now (always do that!) but I think I'm trying to say I feel a bit annoyed that the first bride is expecting us to subsidise her dream wedding iyswim.

It has got me wondering though if this is a normal request with weddings now that I didn't know about and also got me wanting to ask, would you pay to go to a wedding?

EDIT/UPDATE: This isn't officially confirmed yet from the horse's mouth but the latest news from bride's dad is that the bride has decided to select the set menu but rather than the cheaper £15 a head option, has plumped for the £18 a head option which is kind of her(!). No clue yet as to how she is going to ask everybody for the money since invitations have already gone out. OH is convinced she will ask everyone on the day and act like it was left off the invitation but I really don't think anyone can be that stupid so don't really know how she's going to manage to get the money off the guests. OH also mentioned to bride's dad that it's unlikely that we would be able to afford it and was bluntly told "well, you'll just have to". My brain just can't compute it anymore haha!

As an aside, I really hope she doesn't go on MSE and work out this is about her! :rotfl:

If you do go, you shouldn't be under any obligation to buy a gift.

blue_angel

FBaby wrote: »

This is exactly my feeling about it. So much more personal and less commercial. I don't want a stupid vase, or cutlery that I could buy myself, or that I won't remember who it comes from.

I disagree. We had a John Lewis gift list, and I will often say "use the black dish that M&N bought us", and we take the picnic rug from J&A out everytime we head off for a day trip or camping...

Just two examples, but I value the gifts that each of our guests gave us. Those who gave cash/vouchers are much more difficult to remember though....

debbiesmum

I agree with the other comments about costs of weddings today. If you can't afford something - don't expect others to pay for you.
So often today - young people seems to have lost sight of what's important about a wedding day - it's about the 10 mins in front of a Registrar, 20 mins in front of a vicar or an hour in front of a priest - making vows to one another. All the rest if really lovely but it's not what's important.

Person_one

lazer wrote: »

If you have no-one in your life sufficinetly close enough in your life that would spend £1k to see them get married, then I pity you.

I earn less than £900 a month, lots of us do. Would you spend more than a month's wage to watch somebody sign a contract?

shoeaddict2310

No.. Dont pay its out of order for her to even ask. This really shocked me i cant believe bridezilla is so greedy. If she does go the pants on fire route and says it was left off the invite by accident shes going to be in for a very rude awakening. I wouldnt pay. First youve got to buy an outfit then a gift then transport there and back and drinks when your there.. No ones going to have it in there budget to payout without notice.. Besides when it comes down to it its her dream wedding and her chioce of food so its down to her to pay..

oldnewhand

An absolute cheek to INVITE someone to join in your celebration and the expect them to pay for the priviledge. If making a song and a dance about things is what makes this couple happy (and it seems that way) they should be prepared to pay for your meal whilst you are helping them make this a day for them to cherish.
In my humble opion it doesn't matter a jot how swanky the venue is, or how posh the clothes etc. it is the sincerity of the vows shared in front of people that matter to you. I made my dress and cake, the reception for about 20 in a country pub was the major part of our present from my parents, my in laws gave us the £300 deposit for our house 43 years ago. We were happy and are still married. Our daughter's dress was bought in a sale and I did the catering for her and her husband in our house, helped by a neighbour. My mum said it was one of the nicest weddings she'd been to. She's been happily married for 20 years.
Money won't improve the day and longevity of the marriage. You could just go to the ceremony to wish the couple happiness, give them a useful gift and decline the bun fight. I can't see the marriage lasting with their budgetting skills.
Cut your cloth according to your means.

sweetiepiedave

How very British a thing it is to invite people to a celebration and then expect them to pay. If anyone did that in just about any other country (and just about nobody would), it would be a matter of social ignominy for the person concerned. An invitation means everything is on the person doing the inviting. But here we merrily 'invite' people to, say, our retirement celebration and say, by the way, the meal is £30.

To try this for a wedding would, anywhere else, be a disgrace to end all disgraces. It should be here too. And there's an easy solution. Don't fall out with anyone, just make an excuse and don't go. That's what I always do when I'm told I've got to pay. If enough people do that, this particular bride will soon get the message.

Loulou441

The Bride's father has shown how little they think of you by saying that you will 'Just have to' be able to afford it!, how dare they demand that you pay for their celebration in this way.
This illustrates exactly why some people are in a terrible mess, they don't think they have to save for what they want and now this couple want you to bail them out! and apparently her father doesn't see anything wrong or embarrassing about it! My husband and I would be mortified if my children thought of doing this. They don't HAVE to get married they WANT to!,!
You seem to be a thoughtful person who is being taken advantage of and you should not be made to feel guilty. Stick to your guns knowing you are in the right!,!