Would you pay to go to a wedding?

Barryfan

The bride should not be asking family members to subsidise her wedding - it's her own fault if she can't budget, and I'd be extremely hacked off if the bride's father just told me I'd have to pay! Only you can decide how close you are the bride and whether you'd really want obe part of her day or not. My own daughter is getting married in May and has taken great pride in making a budget and sticking to it (and even coming in under budget for some items). As some one else said earlier, if the bride cannot afford her wedding now then she should wait until she can.

Sensibility

If people are to be asked to pay for their meal then this must be made very clear in the invitation then people know where they are. Weddings are a minefield, but sometimes it's worth biting the bullet for the sake of peace in the family.
Such bad manners to ask for paying for food though!! When I invite my friends round to my home for a coffee I don't charge them for the privilege!!
when I got married 22 years ago hen/stag 'weekends' were unheard of - expensive modern nonsense - and we had a sit down meal for 30 people which was lovely and affordable. If we couldn't have afforded it we would have either saved up until we were in a position to do so or had a cheaper option. We wouldn't have had the cheek to charge our guests.

kevmcfad

If I had my way (which I don't) then I'd refuse to go but still give them a gift of a meal voucher. I'd make sure it was for the same place as their reception just to pi$$ them off.

happyinflorida

Do you like them?

Are you a close family?

If not, just send a "Regret" card saying you can't make it - if they want to know why think up a good excuse first, like you've already booked and paid for a holiday and they won't refund or something equal to that.

If you want to go and are made to pay, then save up first.

If they are also expecting a present - get one from the £ shop or somewhere like that. They have some very good items in there, I got a vase for a friend that still had the M&S label on the bottom of it!!!!

Another relative of mine got us a really cheap vase for a wedding present - all our food and drink was included so when one of his daughter's got married I got her a really expensive vase from Debenhams that was in the sale! It was reduced from £90 to £15 so I was really pleased with that and the couple loved it, so win win all round!

Mark_Beech

I agree with others that this is VERY cheeky ... and symptomatic of the "have now pay later "culture that kids seem to subscribe to now.
This couple need to learn a lesson and come back down to earth. If half of their "guests" were to RSVP with an apology for non attendance ... perhaps they would get the message.
The other option of course is to attend - give a nice present .... but then leave without paying. This would then also be a lesson to the couples' parents .... who may then be required to pick up the tab for the unpaid food bill. After all ... the parents do have some responsibilities with respect to their offsprings' wedding!
This couple are clearly not going to be able to survive on their own for very long after they get married. If they can't budget properly for the wedding ... then they are likely to get into trouble with day to day finances too. Their parents have clearly not done a very good job of teaching them basic values, budgeting and money management.

ninjablossom

No.

If they really want to get married and share the memory with family and friends they should choose somewhere they can afford - they are hosting this party. They could ask people to bring a bottle - that would be better! (but not in keeping with the hotel standard by the sounds of it)

Choosing somewhere over their budget, is just buying into the 'keeping up with the joneses' big wedding to show off. As previous posters have said its all about indulging the couple wants on their day.

What's wrong with a quieter, simpler and most likely more chilled out and lovely wedding these days, that actually means something personal to the bride and groom instead of a boring hotel function with masses of guests they never speak to anyway just because 'thats what everyone does'.

And wedding food is generally crap hotel food, with limited choice. I wouldn't pay for that alone.

full-time-mum

FunWithFlags wrote: »

As an aside, I really hope she doesn't go on MSE and work out this is about her! :rotfl:

With an attitude like that, it's unlikely.
Doesn't bode well for their future financial health.

I'd be narked too. I just would skip the present or find some sort of mse gift that costs peanuts.

She can't seriously expect to collect £18 on the day and keep her friends.
If that happens then maybe you just say you're not hungry & slip out to the pub for a quick 2 for £10.

Lorac29_2

I have read this all with interest....weddings certainly can offend everyone!!

For my 2 cents...I would be horrified at having to provide a dish.....I work looooong hours with a loooooong commute and the thought of having to think of something, make it and take it to a wedding would not be for me- personally (and I mean personally- this is my opinion only!) I would much rather pay for my meal or contribute some money.

However, as others have said, I believe this should be on the invitation and be optional!

If the original poster is anything like me, once my feeling of irritation has been confirmed by others they will go anyway. If nothing else it will give you the opportunity to have a moan with the other guests! I would go, perhaps with a cheaper gift, perhaps not unless it really was out of my budget.

TBH all of this has rather put me off weddings!

*miaomiao*

securityguy wrote: »

Your choice. Sixty quid is the price of eating a la carte in an upmarket London restaurant: 120 pounds for two would certainly buy you a good meal, probably including decent wine too, at somewhere like Quaglino's. If you're paying that much for a mass meal at a hotel, then they've seen you coming.



So you chose a wedding venue that you couldn't afford and which couldn't fit sufficient people in it?



The word you were looking for was "no".



What's "lucky" about being invited to an evening do? Very few people go to !!!!-poor discos in suburban hotels as an active choice of the way to spend a Saturday evening, so I cannot imagine there is anyone who sees them as anything other than an obligation.

I'm afraid, Securityguy, your idea of a wedding seems to be a rather downmarket affair!

We know rather well how to live within our means. We're proud of affording our wedding which cost a fraction of the absurd amount that many weddings do.

We chose the upmarket wedding venue we wanted (unlike the downmarket suburban hotel you envisaged - btw, what's wrong with other peoples choices for their own wedding?), celebrated the value for money gorgeous civil wedding venue and we got the number of guests bang on.

We skipped the less important expenses (like the fabulous disco you mention), chose the Michelin menu at a bartered price, organised it all ourselves, and decided to treat our friends to the upmarket meal and excellent wine which to us was value for money and worth every penny.

Thing is, it's not your wedding, so a polite 'I'm sorry, I can't make it' suffices from grumpy folks like yourself who want to weigh in on someone else's celebration, especially when the couple getting married has gone to some trouble and not asked you to spend anything aside from coming to the wedding (and we had folks staying at ours, so moot point there), which you are free to politely decline spending out on.

*miaomiao*

Lorac29 wrote: »

I have read this all with interest....weddings certainly can offend everyone!!

TBH all of this has rather put me off weddings!

:rotfl:Haha...tell me about it. Husband and I have decided that organising another wedding and having to listen to everyone else's opinions is enough of an incentive to avoid divorce!