Would you pay to go to a wedding?

milvusvestal

What a confounded cheek!

If someone wants a lavish wedding, then the only persons to fork out the extra money are, foremost, the bride's father, with the bride and groom following a close second. Clearly your friend has no respect for guests, and is treating them like serfs.

If I were you, I'd find something else to do on the day.

tara747

This couple and their families should be ashamed. No WAY would I accept their invitation. How the hell do they propose to collect the money, btw? :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

lazer wrote: »

If you have no-one in your life sufficinetly close enough in your life that would spend £1k to see them get married, then I pity you.

If your child was getting married - would you miss it because it was going to cost too much to get there?

There is some people in my life that i would be very upset to miss their wedding and would do anything in my power to go to it.

I agree that some brides and grooms do think that that the world revolves around their wedding, but equally I think that some people have got so selfish that they wouldn't attend a wedding due to some small insignificant factor such as them having to wear a particular colour or being asked to give money as a present (yes these things are unreasonable demands - but usually not that difficult to do).
Do people not do things they don't want to do just to make their friends and family happy anymore? Is there no spirit ofgive and take.

If my sister was getting married and wanted me to pay for the meal, I would resent it, but I would not miss my sisters wedding over it (and would deduct it from the present)

I go to friends birthday parties when I don't want to because I know that my firend wants me there, and would go to weddings too even if i didn't want too!

So you'd spend £1,000 to go to a family member's wedding, but if your sister asked you to pay for the meal at hers, you'd deduct it from the cost of your gift??? Doesn't make sense.

cazpost wrote: »

I think I'd be tempted to go,but take my own packed lunch
If you don't have the money to afford the meal,then tell them you will attend the do,but wont have anything to eat,thank you.Sit in the corner and munch on your own sandwiches while everyone else is eating their meal.

If you have already given them a contribution towards the wedding,they really are taking the mickey.

If you want to have the meal,then definitely get them a smaller present,or no present at all. why should you get into debt just so they can have a showy wedding.

Oh, come on, that's taking it a bit far, I assume that you're joking?? Decline by all means and don't feel one bit embarrassed about it, but taking a packed lunch...? :eek:

*miaomiao* wrote: »

I'm afraid, Securityguy, your idea of a wedding seems to be a rather downmarket affair!

We know rather well how to live within our means. We're proud of affording our wedding which cost a fraction of the absurd amount that many weddings do.

We chose the upmarket wedding venue we wanted (unlike the downmarket suburban hotel you envisaged - btw, what's wrong with other peoples choices for their own wedding?), celebrated the value for money gorgeous civil wedding venue and we got the number of guests bang on.

We skipped the less important expenses (like the fabulous disco you mention), chose the Michelin menu at a bartered price, organised it all ourselves, and decided to treat our friends to the upmarket meal and excellent wine which to us was value for money and worth every penny.

Thing is, it's not your wedding, so a polite 'I'm sorry, I can't make it' suffices from grumpy folks like yourself who want to weigh in on someone else's celebration, especially when the couple getting married has gone to some trouble and not asked you to spend anything aside from coming to the wedding (and we had folks staying at ours, so moot point there), which you are free to politely decline spending out on.

I take it you mean haggling, not bartering... sorry for the pedantry but this always makes me giggle!

Gra76

I went to my sisters wedding on New Years Eve. It cost them a fortune. If she'd have asked me to pay anything towards it quite frankly she'd have offended me so much I don't think I'd have gone.

I don't expect anyone to ask for help affording a wedding. If they can't afford a big fancy wedding then they should be getting married in a registry office and having a couple of drinks in the pub afterwards.

Tinks32

When we got married we just wanted all our friends and family to have a fantastic nosh up! We did a joint 70th birthday party(my mum's) and wedding partyWe did afternoon tea from 2pm until 4.30pm, massive spread (buffet of sandwiches (Ma Larkin style and chocolate fountain for the kids and cream cakes). Our whole wedding came to £2500 including outfits for myself, new husband and 3 children, the cake, decorations, food and the hire of our local bowling green (£10, because i get it cheap being a member of neighbor watch) Guests had to by their own drinks at the bar, (being a social club they were very cheap). Our friend who owns a black cab drove us to the Registry office, our other friend who is a photographer did the photos. My other friend did my make, another did my hair.
We didn't ask guests to buy us anything (left that bit off the invites, thinking everybody would breathe a sigh of relief) instead we had some many of them checking what we wanted, we said we just wanted them to come and celebrate with us... When our reception was over we found that many of them had added money to the congrats cards the total was a whopping £1000 (which we took as spending money for our honeymoon, our 1st holiday abroad after 10 years together, we took the kids and my mum came too). I had a wonderful day and am proud that i did it so cheaply. Everybody who came said what a refreshing and relaxing day it had been.
I can't believe the cheek of your friend, Maybe you should take a pack lunch with you instead! If it were me I wouldn't go.... Good luck in your decision making!

pjcox2005

I don't get the fuss, I appreciate it's tradition to provide food but some people need support.

If I went out with a friend to a restaurant I wouldn't expect them to pay.

If a friend organised a birthday meal, I wouldn't expect them to pay for everyone. Same for funerals, christenings etc

Likewise I don't expect a free bar at these events so someone pays for what I want to drink. If they've given fair warning then I would either accept or decline based on the facts, but I'd happily pay money to be part of someones day if they were close to me.

Spendless

I *might* pay to attend a wedding. Depends on the financial situation with the couple concerned, my own finances and how well I knew them. I once paid to attend a colleague's 21st birthday and so did 99% of the people invited. I felt sorry for the situation she was in, kicked out and 'disowned' by her JW parents for dating someone at work who wasn't a JW, she was living alone in a flat on a low income (before the days of NMW and she got no financial help with rent) so when she wanted to do something to celebrate a special birthday, I was more than happy to pay my costs.

I wouldn't pay to attend an OTT wedding, when something simpler could have sufficed though.

Fujiko

I have just read most of these posts, but am still not clear how close the "family member" is. A distant cousin, perhaps? I'm afraid I am with those who say the idea of paying for a meal is a terrible idea. Why should anyone effectively subsidise the bride's wish to have a wedding way over what she or her parents can afford? If I were her husband-to-be I would worry that he is marrying someone with little financial sense and likely to have an irresponsible attitude to money - or perhaps he is the same? This is just ostentatious nonsense. Don't go - and make sure the bride knows the reason why!

Gloomendoom

milvusvestal wrote: »

What a confounded cheek!

If someone wants a lavish wedding, then the only persons to fork out the extra money are, foremost, the bride's father,

Is this still the norm?

tara747

Spendless wrote: »

I *might* pay to attend a wedding. Depends on the financial situation with the couple concerned, my own finances and how well I knew them. I once paid to attend a colleague's 21st birthday and so did 99% of the people invited. I felt sorry for the situation she was in, kicked out and 'disowned' by her JW parents for dating someone at work who wasn't a JW, she was living alone in a flat on a low income (before the days of NMW and she got no financial help with rent) so when she wanted to do something to celebrate a special birthday, I was more than happy to pay my costs.

But that was voluntary, I assume, and a lovely gesture on your part.

This is not voluntary, it's vulgar.

Spendless

tara747 wrote: »

But that was voluntary, I assume, and a lovely gesture on your part.

This is not voluntary, it's vulgar.

Sort of. She said she was having a 21st and if anyone wanted to come it would be £x amount (think about £15-£20, this would be more than 15 years ago). I know the woman I shared a desk with thought it terrible she was asking for people to pay to attend her birthday bash, but I really didn't mind.