Would you pay to go to a wedding?

System

No. I'd pay for a room in a hotel, a wedding present of course but thats as far as i'd go i am afraid.

Sensibility

If you still really want to go to this wedding !!! Then pay for the meal, but reduce the cost of the wedding gift accordingly. If I had a sister in law to be like this though I would avoid the wedding - probably just buy a gift.
How some people can spend thousands on hen nights, weddings etc. is beyond me. They are completely missing the point - it's about a lifelong commitment to each other not the party!

securityguy

lgs6753 wrote: »

I've been invited to a wedding abroad by a close family member. ...All in all, the 'entry fee' is likely to be £1000 per couple!

So don't go. Spend the grand on something else, or don't spend it at all. Easy. There's no-one sufficiently close that you need to spend a thousand pounds just to watch them get married. It's the sense of obligation that self-indulgent brides are playing on, and it would be better for all concerned if they found themselves the only people in a large venue.

CH27

lgs6753 wrote: »

I've been invited to a wedding abroad by a close family member. It's in the school holidays, so flights are going to be about £300 each, even on a budget airline. The venue is some way from the airport, so a hire car will be necessary. Another £200. The couple are paying for accommodation for three nights, but not food (except presumably at the ceremony) so that's another expense. All in all, the 'entry fee' is likely to be £1000 per couple!

We've not been asked to contribute directly, but I can think of a few things I'd rather spend a grand on!

Why go? Spend the money on something you want or need.

lazer

securityguy wrote: »

So don't go. Spend the grand on something else, or don't spend it at all. Easy. There's no-one sufficiently close that you need to spend a thousand pounds just to watch them get married. It's the sense of obligation that self-indulgent brides are playing on, and it would be better for all concerned if they found themselves the only people in a large venue.

If you have no-one in your life sufficinetly close enough in your life that would spend £1k to see them get married, then I pity you.

If your child was getting married - would you miss it because it was going to cost too much to get there?

There is some people in my life that i would be very upset to miss their wedding and would do anything in my power to go to it.

I agree that some brides and grooms do think that that the world revolves around their wedding, but equally I think that some people have got so selfish that they wouldn't attend a wedding due to some small insignificant factor such as them having to wear a particular colour or being asked to give money as a present (yes these things are unreasonable demands - but usually not that difficult to do).
Do people not do things they don't want to do just to make their friends and family happy anymore? Is there no spirit ofgive and take.

If my sister was getting married and wanted me to pay for the meal, I would resent it, but I would not miss my sisters wedding over it (and would deduct it from the present)

I go to friends birthday parties when I don't want to because I know that my firend wants me there, and would go to weddings too even if i didn't want too!

securityguy

lazer wrote: »

If your child was getting married - would you miss it because it was going to cost too much to get there?

Yes. If they were demanding that a large number of people cough up a grand to underwrite a purely selfish project, I wouldn't support them and I wouldn't feel bad about it. If they want to get married in far-away-land, then that's entirely their choice. As their father, I would feel embarrassed that they were imposing on other people to that extent, and would not wish to be seen to be encouraging or enabling it. Weddings abroad are fine; weddings abroad that involve other people going are just taking money, time and (often) holiday entitlement from people who may well feel unable to say no. Someone needs to say no.

Do people not do things they don't want to do just to make their friends and family happy anymore? Is there no spirit ofgive and take.

In the case of extravagant demands being placed on the "guests" (or "extras" as one might more accurately describe them), I can see the take. I just can't see the give.

I go to friends birthday parties when I don't want to because

I have got time on my hands.

Mardymadam

I would pay up for the wedding, and then send an invoice for the gift before passing it over !

nczm

I think it would be different if the bride had said up front that everyone needed to pay if they wanted to come, but like someone else has said I think she's overspent and is now begging guests for money to finanace her dream knowing not many will refuse. You either take the hit and go or make a stand and pull out. Regarding the poster who's going to have to pay £1k - myself and the other half are planning a destination wedding, we've set it out to people straight from the engagement that if they want to come that's fine and we will arrange a wedding to cater to guests otherwise its going to be the two of us no other costs required

cazpost

I think I'd be tempted to go,but take my own packed lunch
If you don't have the money to afford the meal,then tell them you will attend the do,but wont have anything to eat,thank you.Sit in the corner and munch on your own sandwiches while everyone else is eating their meal.

If you have already given them a contribution towards the wedding,they really are taking the mickey.

If you want to have the meal,then definitely get them a smaller present,or no present at all. why should you get into debt just so they can have a showy wedding.

Brian_Steele

I have been invited to a foreign wedding before, which would necessarily have cost a small fortune (had a baby, so declined in the end). The couple acknowledged the cost and said that they would not expect people to fork out for a gift too.

I think rather than miss out on a big family do, perhaps other family members should make a pact not to buy gifts (or get a token each or club together for one gift between them), perhaps saying you inderstand that they would rather have your presence than your presents.

As for not telling people they have to pay until they get to the reception, that is a recipe for the mother of all family feuds. Everyone will be grumpy all evening and it will be a very unhappy occasion, and then half the guests will never speak to the couple (or their parents if they share the credit/blame) again. A cash bar is one thing, but I'd rather bring sandwiches and then pig out on cake afterwards!