Would you pay to go to a wedding?

CAB

I would go.

I would take my whisky bottle, my coffee can and my soap tablet box.

I would start paying in coppers, then work up through the 5ps, then the 10ps, 20ps and finally through the £2 coins.

Do you think you have £30 of change? I am sure I do.

Seriously, I think it is a valid protest. No-one can accuse you of shirking or freeloading.

scotsbob

As it's family I would go and pay.

However, the cost of paying for the meal would be reflected in the cost of my gift.

Ladyhawk

jackomdj wrote: »

Lunch at Le Manoir (which we love) would have cost them a pretty penny. We said in passing when we went there for OH's 40th how lovely it would be, but then we realised none of our immediate family would appreciate it.

But it was only for 8 people so not that expensive compared to a "proper" wedding

pinkshoes

I'd go and pay for the meal, but would deduct the meal cost from the gift budget, and just send a card. If the bride kicks up a fuss at the lack of gift, then smile politely and ignore her! How rude!!

Has this wedding taken place yet?

Avon2001

FunWithFlags wrote: »

OH also mentioned to bride's dad that it's unlikely that we would be able to afford it and was bluntly told "well, you'll just have to"

Personally speaking, I'd be very tempted to decline the invitation on the grounds that I'd be very concerned about it turning into the thin end of the wedge. The word "invitation" implies that you can agree or not. That's the main difference between it and the word "order". Get steamrollered into this and you risk having variations on the theme for many years to come (particularly when they start having kids). I'd put my foot down now. Frankly I don't think you'd be missing much if they started sulking and ignoring you.

megela

pinkshoes wrote: »

I'd go and pay for the meal, but would deduct the meal cost from the gift budget, and just send a card. If the bride kicks up a fuss at the lack of gift, then smile politely and ignore her! How rude!!

When I was asked to pay over £300 for my 2 daughters bridesmaid dresses this was most definitely reflected in the cost of the gift, as I felt I was financing their wedding enough already! Further justified by the note with the invitation stating they didn't expect wedding presents, but gift vouchers for certain stores would be acceptable.

*miaomiao*

Not sure why some people think their wedding should be paid for by others!In this case, go and don't give an extra gift in addition to the food costs you'll be covering.

We were married last year and had a wedding we could afford. We found it pretty difficult on what to do about the gift bit so we said what we wanted most: for people to come to the wedding. If they still wanted to get us a gift, we would love something off our wedding list (which was a mix of inexpensive items) or a contribution to driving around Europe in the car for our honeymoon to be taken in 2013.

It felt like a catch 22 we couldn't win in some peoples opinion whatever we decided. Lots of people did want to get us a gift and kept asking about this from the point we decided to get married, so we decided to be honest rather than get 40 toasters which we didn't need and would be a waste of our friends' and families' money.

gaily

Er - No.

When you get invited to a wedding, you get invited as a guest of the couple. I think all of us would expect to turn up to a wedding with money in their pockets for drinks, but if you are invited to the service then you are normally invited to the wedding breakfast - which should be part of the invite (unless specifically pre arranged otherwise).

If you go for the evening do, then you know you may get fed, but not how much, or when, so I normally make sure I've had something light, in case we're making a break for the chippy on the way home. I wouldn't expect to turn up to an evening do and get hit with a bill for food - that I have not chosen.

I have been invited to evening do's where the couple have advised us in advance that they would not be putting on food, but that the kitchen would be open for bar meals.

I've also been to registry office do's where we had arranged to all buy our own meals at the pub afterwards, and the couple and the closest family were on one tab, and we picked up our own - all pre arranged, and all taken into account with their budget.

The way this bride is going about things is BANG OUT OF ORDER - you could go, decline to eat, and decline to pay. If she couldn't afford it, she should have gone to a cheaper place, or waited longer to get married.

I wonder what the future hubby thinks.....

Mathul01

I got married last year and I would never have dreamed of asking the guests to pay for their meal. It is expensive to attend a wedding and many guests travelled a long distance, paid for hotels, outfits etc..it was enough to just have them attend. We had a budget and if we couldn't afford something we didn't have it. Whatever budget you have I think that still applies. If I went to the family wedding I definitely would spend less on the gift or that would be the gift. In some circumstances if it were a low key wedding with a pub meal afterwards where I choose what to eat I wouldn't mind paying but I wouldn't be happy paying for some princess wedding!

*miaomiao*

MiddyMum wrote: »

No I bloody would not, I am a guest! I also dont go to weddings where I am only invited to the reception either. This tells me that they only want a gift and I am not important enough to be at the church.

Answers like this tell me how little you care about your friends - no wonder they invited you to the evening only. Shame you didn't think about the fact that they cared and perhaps couldn't afford the daytime meal (which for our wedding was 60 quid per person) or couldn't physically squeeze you into the building (which was also the case at our wedding where we had 68 guests without an inch left to spare). I'm afraid when you start adding up the total number of guests after your family has had a hissy-fit over the relatives you didn't invite and they have a big family plus a few of your friends and multiply this by two for your partner's guests, you'd be surprise how fast it goes.

So count yourself lucky to be asked to the evening and don't bring a gift if you don't want to. As a matter of fact, it's usually not even close to free to invite people to an evening do. Talk about a storm in a teacup.