Home educate?

mrs_sparrow

LTP123 wrote: »

Does it no come across, in spite of what I have experienced, I am exploring all options available to my daughter?

School, your right, will probably be great for her. However, peer pressure is a big part of school. Whether we like it or not, children follow the crowd whether we like it or not. Fitting in is more important than your own values. It's a very small minority who keep there heads down and don't buckle under peer pressure.

My daughter does not follow that peer pressure so that does not follow what you are saying. How do you know your daughter is not going to be in that minority?

I am not saying do not do it, I am saying do not let YOUR experiences cloud your view.

shellsuit

meer53 wrote: »

So if they don't experience it, how do they manage to have the confidence to make their own decision as to whether they want to "follow the crowd" or to "fit in" ?

You can't possibly shield children from either of these situations, whether HE or not. Most children have groups of friends, a lot have older siblings, it's part of life.

My son and daughter (she is still at school) are completely different, as are most kids. My son decided quite early on at Grammar school that he didn't like the "cliquey" kids and stayed with his close friends. Up until then he was happy to go with the flow.

My daughter on the other hand, is more than happy to "follow the leader" for now. There are fallings out every single day, "she said this, she said that" and sometimes my daughter comes home in tears. Next day they're all best buddies again. It's how they learn to make judgements.

I'm not saying that following the crowd is something we should all do, but some people are happy to do just that. No one "subjects" children to peer pressure, it just happens, you have to deal with it.

Your children sound like mine.

My son (16) is still friends with a lot of lads he started nursery with as they all go to the same school and have played football for local teams since they were 5.

He has other friends, which he's gone right through high school with. He doesn't chop and change his friends, unlike my daughter, who has lots and lots of friends of different ages from different places.

This is what led to the bullying, because her school 'friends' asked her to do something she didn't want to do, which resulted in them all ganging up on her. It's happened countless times. They ganged up on her once for having her lunch at school with one of her male friends (he is gay, nothing in it at all), and said she was 'going off with him and ignoring them', which is ridiculous.

She doesn't like to be a sheep, she wants to be her own person and do what she wants to do with people she wants to do it with, but those girls don't like that, they are a big clique and if you don't do as they want, you're out.

We've even had the Police involved this summer, but I won't go into that here as I'd end up taking over the thread again That is the reason why I am seriously thinking of home education.

mrs_sparrow

Can I point something else out here, and I am surprised that no-one else has mentioned it.

You said in your OP:

LTP123 wrote: »

My husband, her father thinks she needs to go and will just learn to toughen up, why though?

Whichever path you choose, you will need his support in her education and from your posts, it seems he does not want her home educated.

Why is your opinion more important than his - what is more, you have roped your family into your way of thinking while saying that his childhood was not very nice and school was only 'respite' from his family life. If I was your husband I'd be pretty annoyed with all of you speaking this way. No wonder he wants her at school to toughen up, maybe he does not want her to be like you.

What is more you see his schooling as escapism from his childhood as he was not very well bought up. Is that your opinion or his?

LTP123 wrote: »

IJust for background, my husband wasn't looked after very well as a child and school was probably some respite from that.

From this post I'd say this was your opinion.

If he is dead set against the home ed route, and you have gone about it even though he might not want it, you might find that he does not want to know or help - and that is not going to be a suitable environment for your daughter to be in. There will be resentment form him and you will be out to prove something, if something goes wrong it will all be your fault - and your daughter will be in the middle of this.

This is not just YOUR decision, it has to be a decision for all of you - you, your husband and your daughters. And his opinion counts, your families does not. Sorry.

It seems like they are trying to wrap her in cotton wool the same way they wrapped you in it and all that made you was 'oversensitive'. They are agreeing with you because they failed to protect you from such dreadful treatment. And as they did, how on earth can their judgement be valid in this? And what is more, their opion seems to be more important than your husbands which I think is dreadful behaviour from all of in all honesty. Your husband must be feeling like the kid left out while you discuss HIS daughters future and his opinion not really counting.

Just a thought.

FBaby

LTP, have a look at post in the benefit section of this forum about the number of posters who get into a complete state at the prospect of having to face an interview, who are too anxious about taking on a call, who can't deal with writing a letter, or really any confrontation. These are people who suffer from serious anxiety at the prospect of doing mundane activities that are required to get on with life. Those are people who are petrified at the prospect of facing change, confrontation, situations they are not familiar with.

This has nothing to do with home/state education, of course, but to do with the way you come across as seeming desperate to protect your daughter from situations that she might find difficult. The earlier she can learn to confront her fears and anxieties, the easier she will find it to do so facing situations she can't avoid when she is older. The key thing is to go through it with her.

I come from another country and English state education was completely new to me. Instead of considering the education I received as a child as status quo and compare everything to it, I decided to approach it as a new environment just like my children would. I learnt about the whole system, social and educational with them. This really helped me to judge it on its merit rather that my comparison. I believe that education has changed in the last 20 years, so you can't assume that her school will compare with the one you went to.

Why not take the approach of observing rather than preventing? Why not give the educational system the benefit of the doubt before judging it? The whole thing about peer pressure you are mentioning it seems totally foreign to my own experience with the system so far (my children are 9 and 12). English education is looked down where I come from, but my experience has been that it is very good. As a matter of fact, I am delighted my children are educated in a much more individually focussed system, than the ellistic one in my birth country.

So far, from the description you have given us of your daughter, she is no different to many kids her age. My boy is very sensitive, and at almost 10, still comes to me, even in public to give me huge cuddles. He is quite introverted, yet he is a very popular boy in his own way and very confident. You can be sensitive and still adjust very well in society, be it school or in the workplace.

mithras

meer53 wrote: »

So if they don't experience it, how do they manage to have the confidence to make their own decision as to whether they want to "follow the crowd" or to "fit in" ?

I didn't say they shouldn't - or won't - experience it, just that experiencing it at too young an age can be harmful.

meer53 wrote: »

I'm not saying that following the crowd is something we should all do, but some people are happy to do just that. No one "subjects" children to peer pressure, it just happens, you have to deal with it.

Children are subjected to peer pressure. IMHO being at school for over 30 hours a week can put them under a lot of pressure to conform to the latest fad, be it what clothes they wear, what attitudes they adopt, what music they listen to, what food they eat or less desirable things etc.... It sounds as though your son is a strong character who makes his own decisions in life - kudos to you for raising him so well and for him for dealing with it so well btw:) - but not all children can cope as well as that. Some want to please and be liked so will follow the path of least resistance just to fit in and be one of the crowd. If that is a child's nature it can lead them into all sorts of difficulties or unhappiness. I feel if given the chance to know themselves a little and become confident in their own opinions, likes dislikes etc...that can help them make better decisions in life.

That doesn't mean they have to live in a bubble during their formative years - I'd simply like my children to mix with as wide a range of other children, adults and attitudes as possible, something I feel school doesn't encourage but that home educating my children allows for much wider interaction:).

mithras

FBaby wrote: »

LTP, have a look at post in the benefit section of this forum about the number of posters who get into a complete state at the prospect of having to face an interview, who are too anxious about taking on a call, who can't deal with writing a letter, or really any confrontation. These are people who suffer from serious anxiety at the prospect of doing mundane activities that are required to get on with life. Those are people who are petrified at the prospect of facing change, confrontation, situations they are not familiar with.

This has nothing to do with home/state education, of course, .

If they were all state educated it could have something to do with it - possibly an example that state education does not prepare you for the real world? Just a thought:o

poet123

mithras wrote: »

If they were all state educated it could have something to do with it - possibly an example that state education does not prepare you for the real world? Just a thought:o

In my opinion a lot of those traits come from home.

mrs_sparrow

Thinking about it, there was not a single 'we' in any of her OP's posts, it was all 'I want' 'I think', I...', 'my parents think'.... etc....

I thought she was a single parent until I suddenly remembered there was a husband mentioned in the OP.

Now, I'd like to put another sentence here as to what I really think of this situation but as I'll most likely get flamed and sent to hell, I am going to quietly leave. We are off out, school friends to see and all that.....

ViolaLass

mithras wrote: »

If they were all state educated it could have something to do with it - possibly an example that state education does not prepare you for the real world? Just a thought:o

Hardly, when the majority of those who can cope were also state educated. Even if there were a correlation, that's not the same as causation.

mithras

poet123 wrote: »

In my opinion a lot of those traits come from home.

I have to go out now so will have to come back to this thread later, but am really intrigued by what you mean by this, care to explain in more detail Poet?:)