Home educate?

LTP123

I've read back through all the home education posts but still feel like I need to post. My child is 3.5 years old and highly sensitive. She is due to start half day school nursery next Wednesday, I am petrified for her. She has attended a playgroup two days a week and never spoke a word whilst there.

I would like to home educate her and take her to different clubs for socialisation. She is a happy, funny, thoughtful child at home and I hate the thought of her thinking she just has to stick 2.5 hours a day out.

My husband, her father thinks she needs to go and will just learn to toughen up, why though?

Just for background, my husband wasn't looked after very well as a child and school was probably some respite from that. Me? Highly sensitive child and adult, in therapy currently for the torment I felt at school and allowed to happen to me again in the workplace. Obviously, that makes me a little unbalanced in my view, but I don't see why anyone should suffer just because that's life.

Sorry for the long post, I should add that my mother and father don't think she is emotionally ready to attend this year either. I am holding her back or doing my best for her?

daska

Some kids thrive at school, other's don't. If you're serious about home educating then contact your local groups - start with Education Otherwise. There will a lot of naysayers along soon enough to tell you how your child will never learn to socialise so I'm getting in there early to point out that this is, generally and in my experience, a complete myth.

Good luck

LTP123

Thanks for coming back to me. I have registered with education otherwiseqnd home education. Nobody really came back to me last time but I will try again.

kettlefish

Compulsory school won't start until your DD is nearly 5 so personally I would use the nursery half-days as a bit of a trial run. Perhaps take the pressure off yourself with the promise (even if only in your head) that you can pull her out at any time - as she is not compulsory school age yet - then take it a day at a time.

5 half days, although similar in terms of hours to 2 full days which she has experienced at playgroup, will feel completely different for your DD and there will not be the pressure to get through a full day so she may surprise you. There were some very shy little girls who I knew growing up and they tended to come out of themselves once they found a "best" friend. This is obviously down to a bit of luck but all the LOs will be in the same boat on day one and looking to pal up!

Although home educating is something that we are very much in support of in certain circumstances and with full support of both parents and indeed have talked about ourselves for when our DD is older, I think the "socialisation" aspect you talk of will get harder as she gets older as many clubs are aimed at preschoolers and she may well be outgrowing them already. Obviously there are also sports clubs and the Scout / Guide associations to consider however if she is as shy as you say she is you would probably be looking for mum and child type groups which, as I say, might be hard to come by as she grows up. That said some of our very good friends (a family of brothers and sisters) were home educated until 11 and they certainly don't and didn't to my knowledge have any problems with socialisation.

In the meantime you can help prepare her as well as possible for her first day at school / nursery school and have lots of cuddles and fun together (which I'm sure you are doing already) and how about reading Starting School by Janet and Allan Ahlberg together and talking about what will happen. Another good book about growing up and going to school is Once there were Giants by Martin Waddell which includes some lovely illustrations of mummy picking up her little girl after her first day of school, which again could reassure her that you're coming back for her! Best of luck for Wednesday if you do decide to go ahead with the nursery place. We do start in the education system at a remarkably young age in this country so I'm sure if you decide to forgo the place for a little while she will not come to any harm whatsoever!

Shushannah

This is a tough one.
From the way I read your post I think it is more about you than your daughter. I may well be wrong but it doesn't make your concerns less valid. If you are apprehensive it could well make your daughter worried.
Things you could try.
If the school is sympathetic talk to them, they are used to nervous children and parents.
Deferring entry for a term, until you or she are more ready for it. Trying a phased start 1/2 an hour, then 1 hour etc.
Offering to volunteer at the nursery, get a CRB check they may not let you work in the same area, but your daughter would know you are close by and you could keep an eye on things.
If it doesn't work out you could always pull your daughter from the school and try again later or even home educate.

My experience, I have pulled my eldest from two schools one for poor education and one for bullying. I was prepared to home educate after the latter but managed to get him into a good private school. He is now very independent and at university.

I volunteered at my youngest son's primary school because I had some concerns, he is fine and I am now a qualified teacher.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

meer53

I agree with Shushanna, reading your post it sounds as though you are projecting your fears and experiences on to your daughter.

Lots of children are clingy and upset when they start being away from their parents. I can remember my son when he was 2 and a half and i went back to work. I left him with a childminder for 4 hours a day, he screamed when i dropped him off and screamed when i picked him up. In between, he played with the other kids, no problems. When he started school, i was more upset than he was ! He skipped off without a backward glance.

At 3 and a half, she will have no concept of how long she is there. The staff will be used to coping with children who don't settle at first, to think about home schooling at this stage is jumping the gun a bit i feel.

I'm with your husband, take her and give it a chance, but not just a couple of weeks, give it a term.

kingfisherblue

You may be passing your fears onto your child without realising it. Although home ed can work for many, if your child is sensitive, you're not really doing her any favours - after all, you can't go along with her when she starts work, can you.

I'm a Rainbow leader and have a parent who describes her daughter as shy and sensitive. Yes, her daughter is quiet, but she mixes well and joins in everything - yet her mum asks me frequently if she has settled down yet (she joined out unit a year ago, and was settled within three weeks - yes, I've told mum this several times).

Give her a chance to develop into her own person, and she may surprise you.

LTP123

Thanks for the replies. I know this is partly because of my experiences, but I recognise the signs. She won't cry when she goes, she just thinks she has to go. She will keep all her feelings bottles up. We always know when she is upset, if we have a busy day she had night terrors that can last anything up to an hour. I'm really stuck. It's causing me to have panic attacks. I just want her to be ok and not hold all her worries on like I did.

dingdongavoncalling

I really feel for you
I know you won't purposefully, but try not to show your feelings to your daughter, if you show how excited you are and talk about how much fun nursery will be she is much more likely to enjoy it and will enter with a positive attitude.
Have the nursery done any home visits? This would be the perfect opportunity to air you concerns about her feeling shy and lack of talk she has used in playgroup. Does she talk lots at home? I have worked with selective mute children who have previously chosen not to talk at school/in certain situations, but ther are simple methods and programmes you can follow which I have seen work to get children to talk in these environments in their own time. (pm me if you want any more info)
The nursery staff will be honest with you, they don't want unhappy children! Ask them how your child is getting on, they might suggest you coming in with her for a couple of days, or starting with just half an hour and gradually building it up.
You never know, she could be a completely different child at nursery to at home which often is the case!
Best of luck!

FunWithFlags

I think it might be worth talking to your husband and maybe seeing if you can persuade him to give it a try. We are hoping to home school if we have the opportunity for quite a few reasons. If your daughter is sensitive etc maybe home schooling with plenty of socialisation would be a good option. I am another who feels pretty damaged by school but I still wanted to be a teacher. After seeing school from the inside as an adult and meeting lots of different trainee teachers, I am dreading sending my LO to school. Teachers mocking children in the staffroom, teachers picking on each other, children being ignored in the classroom, the violence from some of the more challenging children, children who ask questions and were interested to learn more being shot down by the teacher, children wetting themselves because they forgot to go at break and weren't allowed in class time to go etc.

I know logically that all schools aren't like this (I have worked in five on placements/volunteering etc so have seen far from all schools lol) but I worry about the way have to risk my daughter going to a school like one of those and growing up with the same issues I had from school.

That was a lot of rambling but I think you are doing your best for your child by looking through your options and definitely don't think home education would be holding her back. School and trying to learn in a class of 30+ children is not necessarily the best way to go.

Spirit_2

Can you cast your net more widely when looking for schools?

We chose a small independent girls school for our DD for nursery up until 11 and then another independent girls school until 16 (as we still felt that was best for her at that time) then on to a co-ed state sixth form before University.

I worked and we paid fees out of income. Could this be an option for you to give you more choice?