Sisters weddings abroad- To go at all costs?

andygb

The reason why have may have seemed to be "ticked off" about all of this, is that we faced the same situation a few years ago, with my sister in law getting married in the Seychelles. My wife was "expected" to come, and her half of the family did not care in the least that I was having health problems and was out of work at the time (in fact one of the relations suggested that my wife just walk out on me because I was a burden).
So, we ended up going and putting ourselves £3500 in debt, and the worst part was the lack of gratitude shown. They had a reception later in the UK, and the couple asked why we hadn't bought them a card or a present. I then pointed out that we had given them a card in the Seychelles, and that our present to them cost £3500.
From that day on they have hardly spoken to me - result!

Welshwoofs

Your sister expects you to fork out over £2k to go to her wedding??

Ha! I know what I'd be telling her in your shoes. That is totally unacceptable and she should either a) not 'expect' anyone in particular to be there or b) if she does 'expect' certain people to be there...she bloody well pays for them!

As for having a full reception back in the UK on top of the jaunt abroad....well she sounds like a completely spoilt brat I'm afraid and IMO your parents should try putting their foot down.

MrsE_2

andygb wrote: »

The reason why have may have seemed to be "ticked off" about all of this, is that we faced the same situation a few years ago, with my sister in law getting married in the Seychelles. My wife was "expected" to come, and her half of the family did not care in the least that I was having health problems and was out of work at the time (in fact one of the relations suggested that my wife just walk out on me because I was a burden).
So, we ended up going and putting ourselves £3500 in debt, and the worst part was the lack of gratitude shown. They had a reception later in the UK, and the couple asked why we hadn't bought them a card or a present. I then pointed out that we had given them a card in the Seychelles, and that our present to them cost £3500.
From that day on they have hardly spoken to me - result!

Wow - leave her husband & demanding their present !!!!!!

claire16c

I cant believe you changed your flights and made your own holiday shorter - which cost you money! Id be tempted to change them back just to annoy her now!! Even if you had to pay a fee I think it would be worth it!

mountainofdebt

Can someone tell me when getting married abroad changed from going away to get married becuase you didn't want the fuss of a wedding in the uk, to going away to get married and expect all and sundry to come with you, regardless of the cost and whether they actually wanted to have their main holiday when you say so .......and still expect a pressie and for you to come to a shin dig afterwards in the UK?

Pollycat

You're obviously not going to let this drop.

MrsE wrote: »

Not at all, no raw spot - those who matter are happy, your "opinion" doesn't matter :-), I asked you to retract your name calling.

There was no name-calling, the post that you have taken such offence at was not specifically aimed at your daughter.

Please re-read it - here it is:

Pollycat wrote: »

This is where I think it is wrong.

IMHO, nobody should be expected to fork out money they may not be able to afford to attend a wedding just because a bride & groom decide to get married abroad.

Should any of my close relatives decide to do that, I would hope that they wouldn't necessarily assume that I would automatically go - and I have 3 or 4 holidays a year.

Most people will probably think I'm selfish but I think it's the people getting married who are selfish if they expect people to attend, either because they are close family or close friends.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I was ever put in that situation though - but I would never traispe all the way to a Caribbean island as that's not my idea of a holiday.

Exactly where did I say - specifically - "your daughter is selfish"?

MrsE wrote: »

My daughter is having a small family wedding to ease the financial burden on her & me. She & her DF have a small baby, a large mortgage & she is facing redundancy. My marriage to her step father broke up last year, so I won't have him to help from my side, her father won't be helping out (he never has).

And the relevance of this is.....?

MrsE wrote: »

It suits us all & my DD is happy with it.

That's good.

But this post below (at least to me) sounded like you (and whoever else is footing the bill) that you were calling the shots.

MrsE wrote: »

My daughter who wants a tiny family wedding & is encouraged by both parents to make it a holiday affair.

MrsE wrote: »

2 people on the internet not having a wide vocalbulary does not mean I wasn't clear.......

One person misunderstanding might mean that your post was clear - 3 people - including me (and that is those who have actually stated how they read your post, there may be more) means that no, it wasn't that clear.

I don't need a lesson in the English language, I do have a wide vocalbulary(sp) - aliasojo has already posted on the various meanings of the word you used:

World English Dictionary
expect (ɪkˈspɛkt)

— vb
1. to regard as probable or likely; anticipate: he expects to win
2. to look forward to or be waiting for: we expect good news today
3. to decide that (something) is requisite or necessary; require: the boss expects us to work late today

If anyone doesn't have a wide vocalbulary (sp) it's you for not realising your post may not have been clear.

MrsE wrote: »

I'm not sure what you mean now - about Nickybat "setting me off", I agreed with her/them.....

I said that because in post #24, I said I agreed 100% with Nickybat's post.
You then quoted my post (in your post #34) and said this:

MrsE wrote: »

Could you not be polite enough to remove your post with your clumsy misunderstanding of my sentence where you have a dig at my daughter?
If you hads read the whole paragraph properly you would have understood it was expected as in anticipated rather than your interpretation........

If I had been rude and if I really had 'clumsily misunderstood' your post and if I hadn't read 'the whole paragraph properly', I might just have removed my post - but in the circumstances - the answer is 'no'.

MrsE wrote: »

Are you so rude face to face?

I'm not rude.

I understand the English language.

Are you always so quick to misunderstand what someone says (or writes) and always so quick to take offence?

lolavix

I also read it the same as pollycat. But at the end of the day, who cares? This post is not about you and you thinking someone had called your daughter selfish. (which I did not read it as). It an Internet forum and unfortunately people will interpret things in different ways.

burnoutbabe

I also thought it meant close family HAD to go.

I'd only attend an expensive wedding abroad if i really wanted to go to that place. I could well afford it, but its still my choice how i spend my money and holiday time off. Either its a decision that they want a big family holiday (fair enough, some familys like holidaying together) or they get married on their tod and party when back. Not demand people come to a wedding abroad and then they have to sod off home again quickly!

dw85

Wow, OP you have my sympathy. I think sister solidarity can only go so far!!! I dont think i would have even got as far as changing the flights! best of luck!

Ok, to incur the wrath of many posters on here (ive been reading this thread with interest!), h2b and i recently got engaged and have decided we want a wedding outside the uk and are looking at the caribbean.
We didnt want a big thing here, we didnt (and couldnt afford the) £20k that a wedding is meant to cost plus f&f are based across the country (imagine the nightmares of logistics! )

We have adopted the attitude of 'this is what we would like to do, we would love you to be there if you want'. So far, just the immediate family are looking to come and as h2b family will be 4 adults & 1 14/15yr old, we've been helping them look for cost effective accomodation. I have stressed to both MiL & FiL that in no way do we want them stretching themselves financially but they assure me that they want to come and will be saving! :j
If we make our saving target, we also will try and help cover some of the cost.

We are also looking at a small reception for the extended family and friends when we get back. Im expecting (in terms 1&3!:rotfl:) to be told im stringing it out, but it is just a party that everyone can come to and celebrate with us. If we end up getting a venue or hall (we are thinking of using MiL large garden!), then we will be funding it ourselves (as we will have the rest of the wedding!).

Also as an end note, i read MrsE's post and interpreted it as she intended and thought Pollycat's response came across a tad harsh. But everyone reads things in their own way

MrsE_2

dw85 wrote: »

We have adopted the attitude of 'this is what we would like to do, we would love you to be there if you want'. So far, just the immediate family are looking to come and as h2b family will be 4 adults & 1 14/15yr old, we've been helping them look for cost effective accomodation. I have stressed to both MiL & FiL that in no way do we want them stretching themselves financially but they assure me that they want to come and will be saving! :j
Also as an end note, i read MrsE's post and interpreted it as she intended and thought Pollycat's response came across a tad harsh. But everyone reads things in their own way

To be honest, after I had explained what I meant (& i would have thought the contaxt of the paragraph was very clear) I was surprised anyone had issue with it. Rather odd I though, giving out friendly advice to the OP & then getting attacked for something read the wrong way :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

MSE at its best;)

What you're doing is exactly what my DD is doing - those that she really wants will be there & they & I cannot afford a large UK wedding.