Sisters weddings abroad- To go at all costs?

aliasojo

bestpud wrote: »

I had no trouble with MrsE's post...

Neither did I. I was surprised to see the 'other' comments tbh, but then that's where interpretation comes into play I guess.

If this site has taught me anything it's that there's more than one way to skin a cat. Iyswim. :rotfl:

andygb

bestpud wrote: »

I had no trouble with MrsE's post - I'm guessing those who did only skim read it and jumped in without engaging their brains!

It was clear what she meant!

This is the direct quote:

Originally Posted by MrsE
My DD plans to get married abroad, only immediate family are expected to go,

The wording is quite explicit.
What if the immediate family could not afford to go, I assume that the others would pay for them?
Unrealistic expectation here I think, but then I am not so demanding of others, therefore my expectations are lower.;)

Amanda65

andygb wrote: »

This is the direct quote:

Originally Posted by MrsE
My DD plans to get married abroad, only immediate family are expected to go,

The wording is quite explicit.
What if the immediate family could not afford to go, I assume that the others would pay for them?
Unrealistic expectation here I think, but then I am not so demanding of others, therefore my expectations are lower.;)

You see that's where interpretation in the written word comes into play. I read it as they didn't think anyone else other than immediate family would go - not that there was a demand for immediate family to be there but that if anyone was going to go it would only be immediate family.

On the basis that MrsE and her family seem happy with the wedding being abroad I don't see a problem really

aliasojo

andygb wrote: »

The wording is quite explicit.

With respect, you seem to be basing your thoughts on only one definition of the word 'expected'.


World English Dictionary
expect (ɪkˈspɛkt)

— vb
1. to regard as probable or likely; anticipate: he expects to win
2. to look forward to or be waiting for: we expect good news today
3. to decide that (something) is requisite or necessary; require: the boss expects us to work late today

I read the word as in definition 1, 'probable or likely' (as in close family would likely only be the ones that might attend the wedding), you seem to read it as definition 3, 'requisite or necessary'.

That points to interpretation.

Pollycat

Amanda65 wrote: »

You see that's where interpretation in the written word comes into play.

aliasojo wrote: »

With respect, you seem to be basing your thoughts on only one definition of the word 'expected'.

World English Dictionary
expect (ɪkˈspɛkt)

— vb
1. to regard as probable or likely; anticipate: he expects to win
2. to look forward to or be waiting for: we expect good news today
3. to decide that (something) is requisite or necessary; require: the boss expects us to work late today

I read the word as in definition 1, 'probable or likely' (as in close family would likely only be the ones that might attend the wedding), you seem to read it as definition 3, 'requisite or necessary'.

That points to interpretation.

'Interpretation' is exactly right.

Andygb & I interpreted it one way, other people interpreted it differently.

I was quote happy to make my point (post #15) to Mrs E's post #15 and leave it at that.

What I didn't like (and still don't) is Mrs E's expectation (and that 'expectation' is #3 in aliaojo's list above) that I should remove my 'clumsy misunderstanding' post.

MrsE_2

Pollycat wrote: »

'Interpretation' is exactly right.

Andygb & I interpreted it one way, other people interpreted it differently.

I was quote happy to make my point (post #15) to Mrs E's post #15 and leave it at that.

What I didn't like (and still don't) is Mrs E's expectation (and that 'expectation' is #3 in aliaojo's list above) that I should remove my 'clumsy misunderstanding' post.

I was quite clear in the whole paragraph what I meant, that only very close family are going.
Your clumsey misunderstanding was actually quite offensive where you said, calling my daughter selfish.......
Thats who you were talking about, my daughter.
My daughter who wants a tiny family wedding & is encouraged by both parents to make it a holiday affair.

Pollycat wrote: »

This is where I think it is wrong.

IMHO, nobody should be expected to fork out money they may not be able to afford to attend a wedding just because a bride & groom decide to get married abroad.

Should any of my close relatives decide to do that, I would hope that they wouldn't necessarily assume that I would automatically go - and I have 3 or 4 holidays a year.

Most people will probably think I'm selfish but I think it's the people getting married who are selfish if they expect people to attend, either because they are close family or close friends.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I was ever put in that situation though - but I would never traispe all the way to a Caribbean island as that's not my idea of a holiday.

Pollycat

MrsE wrote: »

I was quite clear in the whole paragraph what I meant, that only very close family are going.
Your clumsey misunderstanding was actually quite offensive where you said, calling my daughter selfish.......
Thats who you were talking about, my daughter.
My daughter who wants a tiny family wedding & is encouraged by both parents to make it a holiday affair.

Calm down, dear - it's an internet forum. :rotfl:

Of course you're weren't quite clear - otherwise I and at least one other poster wouldn't have posted as we did.

Nickybat was quite clear in her post - and that seemed to set you off for some reason.

You've taken offence - that's entirely your prerogative.

MrsE wrote: »

My daughter who wants a tiny family wedding & is encouraged by both parents to make it a holiday affair.

If you think I've called your daughter selfish in my post - from the sentence above, I can see where she gets if from.

Why on earth would you and your husband not want your daughter to have the wedding she wants?

Finally, FWIW - I didn't say your daughter was selfish, my actual words were:

Pollycat wrote: »

Most people will probably think I'm selfish but I think it's the people getting married who are selfish if they expect people to attend, either because they are close family or close friends.

Get it?

"The people getting married" - not "your daughter is selfish".

Jeez! And you accuse me of 'clumsy misunderstanding'.

I think I've hit a raw spot.

andygb

MrsE wrote: »

I was quite clear in the whole paragraph what I meant, that only very close family are going.
Your clumsey misunderstanding was actually quite offensive where you said, calling my daughter selfish.......
Thats who you were talking about, my daughter.
My daughter who wants a tiny family wedding & is encouraged by both parents to make it a holiday affair.

That is fair enough, and I will have to accept that your idea of "expect" is quite different to the OP's sister's interpretation of the word.
I personally have a big problem, with those people who try to cajole, force, blackmail, humiliate people (again, close family) into attending a wedding abroad, usually at great expense to the person(s) attending.

*Louise*

Haven't read any of the other replies yet, so just based on your first post.....

Getting_by wrote: »

My sister announced last year that she was going to have a small intimate wedding abroad.

Instead as close relatives we were just expected to pay whatever the required cost.

she and her partner could not actually afford this specific location and hotel themselves

we were instructed we MUST stay in the hotel she was!

half an hour later she text to say she had changed her mind and she didn’t want us to stay on the island the same length of time as her.

She was adamant that we should change the flights immediately, despite the fact that to do so would cost us £120 each.

we were happy to change to 10 days so she was there 4 days longer than us (to make her honeymoon the more special trip).

This, however, was not short enough still for her and it eventually came out that she really didn’t want us staying a single extra day.

She just wants us to come to the expensive wedding, as that is what the focus should be on, and then go.

Staying any longer is disrespectful to her and grossly devalues her wedding and honeymoon.

I have quoted the main parts of your OP

Mainly because I can't believe that a) Your sister could be so spoiled and petulant and b) you are actually letting her away with it!

She tells you to go - You go
She tells you to stay in the expensive hotel - you do it
She tells you to change your flights - you do it
She tells you you're not welcome on the island after the week (!!!!!!!) and to go home...and you're actually considering this as well!!!:eek:


I wouldn't have even gone in the first place tbh, but now you have booked your flights etc, please stop letting her bully you!

She is getting her wedding, what you do afterwards is up to you and no one else. She should be told (politely if you want) that you aren't a child and she has no right to dictate your lives.

I am gobsmacked that someone can be so self centred and bossy to that extent.

(Ps - I do know how you feel, I have a sister who has to have everything her way or a strop but some of the family have stopped pandering to her - it's they only way selfish people will learn)

Good luck x

electrobix99

Sister or not tell her to go f*ck herself. What a selfish person she is, I fail to see how you being on the same island for the same length or time, any time, or even longer if you want could have any effect on her enjoyment of her honeymoon.