Sisters weddings abroad- To go at all costs?

dizziblonde

Getting_by wrote: »

Hi All

Thanks so much for your responses! I was almost certain I wasn’t in the wrong, but just want to check as she reacted SO strongly. I have defiantly been pandering to her too much and just going to stick to the original plan now! Particularly because this is not in fact the “intimate” wedding she originally promised. What I didn’t mention before (as I had already written a fair bit in the original post) was that once I and the other guests had paid the initial deposit for Antigua, she actually started planning a wedding reception in the UK! Not just any wedding reception either -it is in a huge house, with 100+ guests, food and drink and she will be wearing her wedding dress. Basically another wedding then!

So she can get the wedding prezzies from those that don't make it to the fancy foreign wedding no doubt.

I'd give her the choice - that you're going to be making your main holiday of the year overlap with her wedding so you can be there, or you can't come at all because of the cost... that's it, pure and simple, what would she like you to do?

Savvy_Sue

Getting_by wrote: »

She just wants us to come to the expensive wedding, as that is what the focus should be on, and then go. Staying any longer is disrespectful to her and grossly devalues her wedding and honeymoon.

I don't think anything you do could possibly do anything to devalue her wedding and honeymoon any more than her ridiculous behaviour has done already.

A wedding and honeymoon are the start of a marriage. A marriage lasts (hopefully) a very long time. In the overall scheme of things, they are not really that important. I feel sorry for her fiance.

MrsE_2

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree 100% with Nickybat's post above.

Could you not be polite enough to remove your post with your clumsy misunderstanding of my sentence where you have a dig at my daughter?
If you hads read the whole paragraph properly you would have understood it was expected as in anticipated rather than your interpretation........

andygb

MrsE wrote: »

My DD plans to get married abroad, only immediate family are expected to go, should others decide to it will be a bonus. My DD wouldn't dream of telling people they have to go or the dates they should pick.

Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Any reasonable person would not EXPECT others to do anything. By EXPECTING them to do something, you are using a form of emotional blackmail.
I wish that couples who did this - go abroad to get married at an expensive location - would just do it on their own, and then have a reception back here in the UK, if they really want their friends and family to be present.
Alternatively, they could try paying for all the guests to be present.

Pollycat

MrsE wrote: »

Could you not be polite enough to remove your post with your clumsy misunderstanding of my sentence where you have a dig at my daughter?
If you hads read the whole paragraph properly you would have understood it was expected as in anticipated rather than your interpretation........

If you had posted as clearly as Nickybat did, there wouldn't have been any misunderstanding - clumsy or otherwise.

And it seems like I'm not the only one to 'clumsily misunderstand' your post:

andygb wrote: »

Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Any reasonable person would not EXPECT others to do anything. By EXPECTING them to do something, you are using a form of emotional blackmail.
I wish that couples who did this - go abroad to get married at an expensive location - would just do it on their own, and then have a reception back here in the UK, if they really want their friends and family to be present.
Alternatively, they could try paying for all the guests to be present.

bestpud

andygb wrote: »

Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Any reasonable person would not EXPECT others to do anything. By EXPECTING them to do something, you are using a form of emotional blackmail.
I wish that couples who did this - go abroad to get married at an expensive location - would just do it on their own, and then have a reception back here in the UK, if they really want their friends and family to be present.
Alternatively, they could try paying for all the guests to be present.

Pollycat wrote: »

If you had posted as clearly as Nickybat did, there wouldn't have been any misunderstanding - clumsy or otherwise.

And it seems like I'm not the only one to 'clumsily misunderstand' your post:

I had no trouble with MrsE's post - I'm guessing those who did only skim read it and jumped in without engaging their brains!

It was clear what she meant!

bestpud

This is the sort of tripe my sister would come out with!

I'm glad you are sticking with your plans now, OP - give people like that an inch and they will take a mile!

Ellie83

Your sister's behaviour is really out of order.

If it were me, I would not want to go anymore

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Tell her you're going home.

And have the nice holiday the other side of the island.


Oh, and you obviously don't have the money for a fancy wedding present, as that was swallowed up by the date change fees.

Pollycat

bestpud wrote: »

I had no trouble with MrsE's post - I'm guessing those who did only skim read it and jumped in without engaging their brains!

I don't skim read posts.
I always engage my brain before 'jumping in' - or in my case, replying to posts.

bestpud wrote: »

It was clear what she meant!

Not to at least 2 posters!