Sisters weddings abroad- To go at all costs?

Getting_by_3

My sister announced last year that she was going to have a small intimate wedding abroad. It happened that both the location (Antigua) and the hotel (a sandals resort) she chose were quite expensive. However, despite this fact I and my partner were never ONCE asked if this was within our price range. Instead as close relatives we were just expected to pay whatever the required cost. Which to be honest did always seem a tad wrong given that she and her partner could not actually afford this specific location and hotel themselves, and were thus both being funded by my dad.

I suppose as she know me and my partner technically have sufficient savings she just expects that there is no issue as they can easily be used. The thing though is we both work AT LEAST 20 hours a week (in addition to our normal full time jobs) to help build up our own business. We want our savings for this business which we hope will bring us a lifetime of happiness, and not just 1 week. For this reason we scrimp and save in every aspect of our lives from food to clothes to travel on a daily basis. The most either of us have ever spent on a 7 day holiday together per person is £550 (all in) and this holiday will be about double.

Looking for ways to make her 1 week wedding affordable (and not to affect our future plans) we looked at self catering accommodation nearby. However, we (and others who tried to do this) were instructed we MUST stay in the hotel she was! We therefore came to the conclusion it would be best to make this trip, in addition to the 1 week wedding, our main holiday of the year (1.5yrs). We decided we would leave the expensive hotel after the one week and stay in a very cheap bed and breakfast on the other side of the island for 2 weeks. This would then bring the per day cost down to about £65pounds person which was much more reasonable.

We were then in further financial luck as there was a good flight deal to the island recently. We wanted to book this, and called my sister to check everything was OK with this, which he said yes to. However, half an hour later she text to say she had changed her mind and she didn’t want us to stay on the island the same length of time as her.

She was adamant that we should change the flights immediately, despite the fact that to do so would cost us £120 each. As much as this pained us, especially as she not once offered to help with the £120 changing fee we were happy to change to 10 days so she was there 4 days longer than us (to make her honeymoon the more special trip). This, however, was not short enough still for her and it eventually came out that she really didn’t want us staying a single extra day. She just wants us to come to the expensive wedding, as that is what the focus should be on, and then go. Staying any longer is disrespectful to her and grossly devalues her wedding and honeymoon.

What is everyone’s thought on this? Are me and my partner missing something? She seems completely irate and firm in her belief that we are wrong for not being willing to spend £2200 on a week. She says everyone else (4 other guests) are happy to do it and can't understand why we are not. When it comes to an only sister should you be willing to spend above and beyond what you normally would if you do have the money? Are we wrong too in trying to make this trip better value for money for ourselves?

Any comments would be great! Feel free to ask any questions to and I will try to answer ASAP!

becominganobsessivesaver

I wouldn't have changed the flights (although I may have pretended t
To be honest if you can afford it I'd just stick with what you have booked now, don't go changing any flights, and bite your tongue/tell white lies when necessary.

I'm sure the Sandals resort will be amazing, just enjoy, do the activities, and try and distance yourself from the wedding arrangements so you make sure you enjoy the 7 days. Whatever you do though don't be resentful because it will ruin it for everyone.

(she sounds like a total controlling bridezilla nightmare btw!)

xbrenx

Personally, I wouldn't have gone at all if I felt I couldn't afford it. Now you've made arrangements though, I would stick with them unless she pays for any additional costs in cancelling.

To be honest, in your situation I would've said right from the start that I couldn't afford it.

Sorry, that sounds really blunt now I've said it.

robpw2

your sister needs to grow up and realise that whilst it might be her wedding that antigua is big enough for both of you to do your own things

Bufger

To be perfectly honest i'd be inclined to not go at all if shes hoping to control you, your time and your money. You're doing your very best to respect her wishes for you to be there so you've worked out how you can afford it and get the most out of it but shes not giving you any options except for the most expensive one.

I'd be saying that you can go if you stay in X place and make a holiday out of it. You set the conditions and then if she throws a wobbly and says forget it you get out of going.

Sounds like Bridezilla to me

FBaby

This is truly ridiculous! Are you all your sister's servants? Her demands are utterly ludicrous and I can't believe that anyone with half a brain would bow to them. I would have told her to get lost the moment she assumed you would be there without asking if it was ok let alone when she demanded you started at the same hotel. I can't believe anyone can be spoilt enough to react like this.

Pollycat

OP
I think this is shaping up to be one of those threads where you get all posters in agreement - you're a newbie so let me tell you that that is extremely rare.

I can't see anyone not agreeing that your sister is a really selfish b i t c h.

With her initial attitude, I would have declined the invitation when the location was first mentioned.

However, you have flights and accommodation booked so unless you can cancel and get a full refund (doubtful) or can change your arrangements to a different holiday of your choice, I'd say bite the bullet , go to the wedding and then do your own thing.

If your sister wants an island all to herself for her honeymoon, maybe she could ask Sir Richard Branson if he would lend her his island. :cool:

I think you've pandered to this selfish madam far too much (is this your usual relationship with her?) and I'd be giving her some harsh truths - up-coming wedding or not.

Getting_by wrote: »

What is everyone’s thought on this? Are me and my partner missing something? She seems completely irate and firm in her belief that we are wrong for not being willing to spend £2200 on a week. She says everyone else (4 other guests) are happy to do it and can't understand why we are not. When it comes to an only sister should you be willing to spend above and beyond what you normally would if you do have the money? Are we wrong too in trying to make this trip better value for money for ourselves?

Any comments would be great! Feel free to ask any questions to and I will try to answer ASAP!

I've given my thoughts above.

I don't think you're missing anything (other than the fact your sister is a selfish, controlling cow).

You are not wrong.

Only sister or not, your money is your money to spend or save as it suits you.

I dislike intensely these overseas weddings that put costs onto guests rather than the bride & grooms & parents.

If you want to get married abraod, OK - but why drag all the family along too for a 'holiday' in a place they may not have chosen, in a hotel they may not have chosen, at a time they may not have wished to go?
(I said I disliked it intensely :rotfl:).

Personally, I would tell her that you have a holiday booked that coincides with her wedding, that you'll be attending (if she still wishes) and then you'll be doing your own thing afterwards.

Good luck

peachyprice

What do I think?

Your sister is a spoiled, controlling, selfish brat who doesn't deserve anyone at her wedding.

Unless she's fotting the bill, which she isn't, she has no control over how long you stay and what you do on a holiday you've paid good money for, regardless of the fact that she's getting married there.

She really, really needs to get over herself.

Cara79

I'm sorry but who the hell does she think she is?!?

Personally I wouldn't have changed the flights - your holiday is nothing to do with her!

Lots of people make abroad weddings into holidays!!

I'm sorry but she's totally selfish!

We were invited to an abroad wedding by a friend if my hubby. We would never have gone as we weren't that close; but I fell pregnant (planned) & he accused us of getting pregnant so we wouldn't have to go to his wedding!!! Yeah right......that's totally a good reason to have a baby!

0^0

This is what I would have said;

We cannot afford to go because I have a business to run and my own life to lead, so we have much more important things to spend our money on than your wedding. Why oh why did you not just get married in this country like we did, but no, its all about you you you isnt it like it always is. You're pretending you are a film star or celebrity by getting married abroad but you havnt even got any money because my father had to pay for you. If he had paid for me I would have gone but nooooo, its all about you, isnt it. Bear in mind your marriage is no more likely to succeed than mine so if it all goes pear shaped dont come crying to me because I will just say I told you so, and that would have been a waste of a good holiday wouldnt it. I'll send you a text on your wedding day if I can remember.

Bye, your loving sis.

go_cat

Sounds like your sister has a big chip on her shoulder.

I would ignore any future texts around changing flights and dates. For goodness sake it's not like you are going to want to spend their honeymoon with them:D

Carry on doing what you planned and enjoy your holiday. Your sister is turning into a bride from hell