What would you do? Desperate to start a family, but...

babymad_2

Thank you for your very thoughtful and touching post, ThereGoesTrouble.

I am ... wait for it ... a deputy headteacher, so school holidays are one thing I at least don't need to worry about!

In many ways, I am very much a homebody and so the idea of coming home to a child to cook for and to read a story to actually appeals so much more than my current routine of coming home and watching a bit of TV/reading! Of course I appreciate I am looking at it very much through rosy-tinted glasses, but I'm just not a huge socialiser. I do have many friends but most are married with their own young families so my opportunities for going out are limited. I do have babysitting options however, from elderly neighbours to responsible sixth form girls but chances are I wouldn't need to call on this an awful lot (based on my social life at the moment, at any rate!)

Sadly, I have been alone for a very long time. Losing first my mother (aged 15) then my father (aged 19) has meant that I missed out a little bit on the teenage and twenties social life somewhat. By the time I was ready for it, everyone seemed to be magically coupled up. I always expected I would meet somebody but as the years have gone by I've been forced to accept it's now probably unlikely.

I wish you luck, theregoes trouble x

babymad_2

Mojisola wrote: »

There's no guarantee that a child will stop you being a lonely old woman - what if he/she moves to Australia, dies before you, is estranged and never visits, etc?

Some of the saddest old people I know are those with children who have walked away from them. The childless oldies have their own lives and friends and none of the gnawing pain of rejection.

Absolutely - but again, that could easily happen to someone in a couple, I'm not sure that's an argument for not having a child.

CH27

babymad wrote: »

Yes, but then that is set against the alternative of not being a parent at all, isn't it? (Sorry if it sounds as if I'm being argumentative by the way - it's just that I'm playing devil's advocate a bit and also this thread has made me realise how desperately I want to be a mother.)

I do have many lovely friends who I'm sure would support as much as they can, but I'm sure as people realise there's only so much you can ask a friend to do when they have their own young families. I don't have any surviving family which certainly makes it very difficult to have a child alone, but it also means if I continue as I am, I will go into my old age as a very lonely woman which makes me feel sad.

I do believe that most things that are worth having are worth sacrifices and am prepared to sacrifice a lot to be a parent.

Having a child is no guarantee of not being lonely. Having young children whilst working can very isolating.
Don't look at having a child as solving all your issues.
Your issues will still be there &you'll have load more too.

babymad_2

I think you misunderstood my point a little there, CH27. It was a direct explanation to somebody who said having a child alone was lonely, and I was trying to explain that being childless is lonely, too

I think it's a little unfair of you to assume I have "issues" and wonder what you base this on.

Mojisola

babymad wrote: »

Absolutely - but again, that could easily happen to someone in a couple, I'm not sure that's an argument for not having a child.

No, but it's one more thing to consider if you're seriously doing a pros and cons list.

If you want to go ahead regardless you may find your lesbian friends have contacts - either with gay friends who want to be a Dad or others who will offer sperm for self-insemination.

CH27

babymad wrote: »

Thank you for your very thoughtful and touching post, ThereGoesTrouble.

I am ... wait for it ... a deputy headteacher, so school holidays are one thing I at least don't need to worry about!

In many ways, I am very much a homebody and so the idea of coming home to a child to cook for and to read a story to actually appeals so much more than my current routine of coming home and watching a bit of TV/reading! Of course I appreciate I am looking at it very much through rosy-tinted glasses, but I'm just not a huge socialiser. I do have many friends but most are married with their own young families so my opportunities for going out are limited. I do have babysitting options however, from elderly neighbours to responsible sixth form girls but chances are I wouldn't need to call on this an awful lot (based on my social life at the moment, at any rate!)

Sadly, I have been alone for a very long time. Losing first my mother (aged 15) then my father (aged 19) has meant that I missed out a little bit on the teenage and twenties social life somewhat. By the time I was ready for it, everyone seemed to be magically coupled up. I always expected I would meet somebody but as the years have gone by I've been forced to accept it's now probably unlikely.

I wish you luck, theregoes trouble x

Who will mind the child when you have Parent's Evenings, school plays etc?

CH27

babymad wrote: »

I think you misunderstood my point a little there, CH27. It was a direct explanation to somebody who said having a child alone was lonely, and I was trying to explain that being childless is lonely, too

I think it's a little unfair of you to assume I have "issues" and wonder what you base this on.

Everybody has issues.

shegirl

And what about the sadness and loneliness of a child who only has a mum and no other family?

Every child deserves a family!My son only has me because others walked away,my family are !!!!!,his dad ran off with a married woman and his dads family do not bother.That hurts immensely as my son should have a family!

I'm sorry for being blunt but I have to be honest here.Having a child on your own is one thing.Intentionally bringing a child into the world,for selfish reasons,knowing full well they will not have a family,is another!!!

babymad wrote: »

Yes, but then that is set against the alternative of not being a parent at all, isn't it? (Sorry if it sounds as if I'm being argumentative by the way - it's just that I'm playing devil's advocate a bit and also this thread has made me realise how desperately I want to be a mother.)

I do have many lovely friends who I'm sure would support as much as they can, but I'm sure as people realise there's only so much you can ask a friend to do when they have their own young families. I don't have any surviving family which certainly makes it very difficult to have a child alone, but it also means if I continue as I am, I will go into my old age as a very lonely woman which makes me feel sad.

I do believe that most things that are worth having are worth sacrifices and am prepared to sacrifice a lot to be a parent.

babymad_2

CH - agreed, but for the most part they still manage to have and raise children successfully.

Regarding Parents Evenings, I would need to find a baby-sitter, the same as I would if I was married to a work colleague and we had a child together.

babymad_2

Shegirl - would you then not have had your son, knowing what you know now?

I mean that as a very genuine question, not a troll-like one and hope that intention is conveyed successfully.