What would you do? Desperate to start a family, but...

CH27

babymad wrote: »

Many thanks for your replies.

How would I cope with a baby without reducing my hours at work - Well, the same as every working parent I assume, with nursery, a childminder or equivalent. Unfortunately, adoption agencies are reluctant to place a child with somebody who is reliant on full time childcare. I can understand this, but it does limit my options considerably. (I also don't have family support which is another black mark against my name adoption-wise.)

I have tried to find a partner, but unsuccessfully (evidently!) I have tried to get involved with things socially, Internet dating and the like, but sadly it seems the older I get the more likely it is that any man I meet who I like is already married or in a serious relationship. I understand "left on the shelf" in a way I didn't when I was perhaps 25 or even 30

Financially is one of the few areas that wouldn't present a problem: I am lucky enough to have a very well-paid job and I also have a considerable amount in savings and investments.

I would always tell a child the complete truth about their conception.

I think I've answered everything. There is certainly a lot to think about but I know in my heart of hearts if I never get to be a mother I'll never feel truly happy. Whether or not I decide to go ahead with being a parent is still uncertain but I can't help but feel it is preferable to have a child this way than to be in an unhappy relationship and put a child through a messy divorce.

So who is going to support & help you?
Who will mind the baby when they can't go to nursery because they are sick?
If you work long hours who will pick the baby up from the nursery, school etc?

Gillyx

I'd say full time child care and full time working would be very difficult, I know there are single parents who do it, but I very much doubt it's by choice.

I have a partner and I know if I was working full time as well as looking after our son I would be physically and mentally exhausted.

Labour doesn't always pan out the way you expect, if you end up with bad tearing and need a lot of stitches, or with an emergency c sect, and you can't drive for 6 weeks etc. I had minor tearing with my son and it hurt to even move, after having him my OH had to pick him up from his crib, bring him to me for feeding and take him back to the crib again when we were done. Some babies (mine included) think sleep is for the weak, they don't sleep at all, how will you cope if like you say you have no family support, sometimes you need someone to take them, even for an hour or so, to let you get some much needed rest. You may be lucky though and get a sleeper, it's the luck of the draw.

Now I have experienced it, it's not something I'd willingly venture into alone. Those first few months are extremely hard when you have support, if you have very little, I imagine it'd be ten times harder, to me that would be the main reason not to go for it. This is only my opinion though. I hope you can come to the best decision for you xx

Gillyx

Oh another thing, some nurserys won't take baby back after sickness or bugs until 5 days of being clear of it, another thing to think about child care. x

babymad_2

CH27 wrote: »

So who is going to support & help you?
Who will mind the baby when they can't go to nursery because they are sick?
If you work long hours who will pick the baby up from the nursery, school etc?

Again, that's just something that I'd have to manage. If the baby (or toddler, really) couldn't go to nursery I would have to take the day off, as for picking the baby up - it would be me of course! I'm not sure where this impression of me working a 14 hour day has come from, unless it's because I said in my opening post I wouldn't get anywhere with adoption agencies because they don't favour parents who work full time. My working day is actually about 7 hours although it varies.

I suppose my inclination at the moment is to appreciate that the first few months and indeed years are hard but then, as a trade-off, I would be a mother which if I am honest is all I have wanted to be for some time.

It is a very difficult decision, and one I need to think about a lot.

CH27

babymad wrote: »

Again, that's just something that I'd have to manage. If the baby (or toddler, really) couldn't go to nursery I would have to take the day off, as for picking the baby up - it would be me of course! I'm not sure where this impression of me working a 14 hour day has come from, unless it's because I said in my opening post I wouldn't get anywhere with adoption agencies because they don't favour parents who work full time. My working day is actually about 7 hours although it varies.

I suppose my inclination at the moment is to appreciate that the first few months and indeed years are hard but then, as a trade-off, I would be a mother which if I am honest is all I have wanted to be for some time.

It is a very difficult decision, and one I need to think about a lot.

It's all blo*dy hard work. The challenges change but it's never easy.

balletshoes

babymad wrote: »

Again, that's just something that I'd have to manage. If the baby (or toddler, really) couldn't go to nursery I would have to take the day off, as for picking the baby up - it would be me of course! I'm not sure where this impression of me working a 14 hour day has come from, unless it's because I said in my opening post I wouldn't get anywhere with adoption agencies because they don't favour parents who work full time. My working day is actually about 7 hours although it varies.

I suppose my inclination at the moment is to appreciate that the first few months and indeed years are hard but then, as a trade-off, I would be a mother which if I am honest is all I have wanted to be for some time.

It is a very difficult decision, and one I need to think about a lot.

the reality is (and I've had a very easy time of parenthood so far) that all the childhood/teen/early adult years are hard. I love being a mum, it changes your life completely and forever.

In fact, I think if you ask most mums, they would consider that you never stop being a mum, and you never really stop worrying about your kids, even when your kids are grown up and have their own families.

Rochdale_Guy

Er, how much can you get paid for sperm donation?

raven83

Rochdale_Guy wrote: »

Er, how much can you get paid for sperm donation?

I am sure it is about 60 quid for a pop

Rochdale_Guy

Thanks, I only need 433 more then to clear my debts... better start taking more Zinc

Rochdale_Guy

No disrespect to the original poster.