What would you do? Desperate to start a family, but...

marisco_2

The other option re childcare would be to have a live in au pair.

sassyblue

Rochdale_Guy wrote: »

Er, how much can you get paid for sperm donation?

Not nearly enough to help with the predicament in your signature. . And it isn't anonymous anymore I'm sure any potential offspring could get your details when they're older if they wanted to, bu someone else may correct me.

raven83

Rochdale_Guy wrote: »

Thanks, I only need 433 more then to clear my debts... better start taking more Zinc

There is a joke there, but I am going to leave it :rotfl:

Gillyx

Another thing to consider, if anything was to happen to you, or you fall ill, although you don't have family do you have friends that would be willing to take on a child/teenager?

Would it impact on you finding a life partner? Would be difficult to get out and meet people. Would you want a sibling for your son/daughter? If not, how would it impact on them when they were older, would they feel tied to you and restricted, if you were on your own?

All completely hypothetical but also relevant. You need to think of all the pros and cons, for both you and the child.

sassyblue

Rochdale_Guy wrote: »

Thanks, I only need 433 more then to clear my debts... better start taking more Zinc

See more here, http://www.hfea.gov.uk/2627.html

babymad_2

I wouldn't ever want to stop being a parent, which would really be the main motivator in doing it. I don't think anybody has a baby and doesn't find it hard.

I haven't decided anything, but it is something I need to think carefully about.

Regarding anything happening to me - I am not sure. It's certainly (one of the many!) things I would need to think about.

However, one thing that does strike me on reading these is that many of the points raised also apply to couples who might be planning their first child: the challenges may be harder for someone on their own but I'm not sure that any of them on their own are a reason for not having a child.

RochdaleGuy - no disrespect taken, you made me laugh! :rotfl:

balletshoes

babymad wrote: »

I wouldn't ever want to stop being a parent, which would really be the main motivator in doing it. I don't think anybody has a baby and doesn't find it hard.

I haven't decided anything, but it is something I need to think carefully about.

Regarding anything happening to me - I am not sure. It's certainly (one of the many!) things I would need to think about.

However, one thing that does strike me on reading these is that many of the points raised also apply to couples who might be planning their first child: the challenges may be harder for someone on their own but I'm not sure that any of them on their own are a reason for not having a child.

RochdaleGuy - no disrespect taken, you made me laugh! :rotfl:

you're absolutely right - but if you have no family/close friends support either it can be even harder.

There_Goes_Trouble

I am in a similar boat to you OP, I'm 40, single, never met anybody and never had the opportunity to have children. At age 40 I'm having to accept the probability that I will never have children and those of you who have never been in this position cannot possibly imagine what it's like even if you think you can. It's destroying me from the inside and some days I just don't know how to cope with it.

I have seriously considered the 'going it alone' route, however I have come to the conclusion that it is not the right course for me. I have extensive family support, but I too work full time and don't earn a huge amount. I struggle and have debt and could not take on any more financial responsibility no matter how much I might want to. I also am very aware that at my age, I am in a high risk group for a child with disabilities and that's not something I would feel confident coping with by myself. as much as I want a child, I am being realistic and have decided that being a single parent through choice is not the way to go for me.

It has taken me 5 years to get this far emotionally and it's been a hard road which I have not yet got to the end of.

OP you need to (if you haven't already) work out all the financial aspects of conceiving and having a child. Think through what you will do if your child is disabled and required specialist care, how you will cope when they are sick and can't go to their regular child care, how you will cover (and pay for) school holidays etc. Then also look at the impact on your own life, do you have people who will babysit occasionally? If you've been working all day do you want to come home to find your time 100% taken up caring for another human being? There will be no one to share this burden with you and any single parent will tell you how isolating that can be. You won't even have a weekend Dad to give you some free time for housework, shopping, sleep etc.

Plan for worst case scenario. Hopefully you won't be in that position but if you are, you'll know you can cope.

If being a lone parent still appeals by then (it didn't for me) than I would say go for it.

By the way, increasing your social life, getting out and about, joining dating agencies etc etc are no guarantees of meeting a partner. I go out every night of the week and have never met anyone. I have had many hobbies over the past 20+ years although I have stayed in the same job for 18 years. (It's a very specialised industry and I'm not qualified for anything else) There are just some people in this world who are unlucky enough to never meet someone and it's actually quite insulting at my age to be told I need to get out more, stop looking and someone will come along, join a club, get a hobby, try internet dating.... erm what does everyone think I've been doing for the last 20 years!!!

babymad_2

Yes, but then that is set against the alternative of not being a parent at all, isn't it? (Sorry if it sounds as if I'm being argumentative by the way - it's just that I'm playing devil's advocate a bit and also this thread has made me realise how desperately I want to be a mother.)

I do have many lovely friends who I'm sure would support as much as they can, but I'm sure as people realise there's only so much you can ask a friend to do when they have their own young families. I don't have any surviving family which certainly makes it very difficult to have a child alone, but it also means if I continue as I am, I will go into my old age as a very lonely woman which makes me feel sad.

I do believe that most things that are worth having are worth sacrifices and am prepared to sacrifice a lot to be a parent.

Mojisola

babymad wrote: »

I don't have any surviving family which certainly makes it very difficult to have a child alone, but it also means if I continue as I am, I will go into my old age as a very lonely woman which makes me feel sad.

There's no guarantee that a child will stop you being a lonely old woman - what if he/she moves to Australia, dies before you, is estranged and never visits, etc?

Some of the saddest old people I know are those with children who have walked away from them. The childless oldies have their own lives and friends and none of the gnawing pain of rejection.