He's been paying for webcam sex

euronorris

For me, it would be the interaction. Paying for it is just salt in the wound.

tangerine3

electrobix99 wrote: »

If he was using a free cam site would it be so much of an issue?

Just wondering if its the paying for it or the interaction that is the main problem.

Its the interaction. If he wants to throw good money away doing that then whatever. Just means he has less money to spend on something worthwhile. If it were to run into a stupid amount of money that we couldnt afford then yes that would bother me.

Bufger

I'm with some of the others on this.

Watching !!!!!! = discussion about sex life. If its happy for both of you then whats this harming? if its instead of a sex life then its harming the relationship

Paying for pleasure = not acceptable.

cottonhead

Well if my husband did it I wouldnt have a problem unless he personally knew the girl and had / was going to do stuff in 'real life'. I would be upset that he lied about it but hey he is probably a bit embarassed. You could say its an extension of masterbation. Really its just interactive !!!!!!.
I would be upset if we were suffering financially due to him spending money on it but otherwise I wouldnt have an issue. Only the fact that he lied but then I guess like I say its embarassment and everyone is allowed some sexual privacy. If he is a good father and husband and treats the family well I would be happy with that and just turn a blind eye to his little hobby.

euronorris

What exactly is he getting from this, that he can't get from pre-recorded !!!!!! anyway? I mean, there is a such a wide variety, catering to so many different fantasies, why the need for a live version?

electrobix99

euronorris wrote: »

What exactly is he getting from this, that he can't get from pre-recorded !!!!!! anyway? I mean, there is a such a wide variety, catering to so many different fantasies, why the need for a live version?

Control? Power? Attenion maybe.

Personally the whole web cam thing would not bother me if it was lots of people watching one person. I agree that the interaction is the worst part here, although the money would !!!! me off a lot but for different reasons.

BugglyB

electrobix99 wrote: »

Control? Power? Attenion maybe.

Personally the whole web cam thing would not bother me if it was lots of people watching one person. I agree that the interaction is the worst part here, although the money would !!!! me off a lot but for different reasons.

Surely the lying and deceit is the worst part here. I would not give two hoots if my partner wanted to pay for live sex webcam stuff but if he didn't ask, or said he wasn't going to and then did, I'd be really upset!

Welshwoofs

Op - would you consider it cheating if your husband bought a !!!!!! DVD and watched it? It's essentially the same thing; he's pay to watch sex via a digital medium.

To me, that's not cheating but I guess that's by the by. The central point is that you've said that you would prefer he didn't do it and he did it again. Is it a marriage breaker? I think it would be a extreme to take it that far. It sounds to me as though you both need a conversation over the watching of !!!!!! and where the boundaries are with it.

janninew

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Op - would you consider it cheating if your husband bought a !!!!!! DVD and watched it? It's essentially the same thing; he's pay to watch sex via a digital medium.

To me, that's not cheating but I guess that's by the by. The central point is that you've said that you would prefer he didn't do it and he did it again. Is it a marriage breaker? I think it would be a extreme to take it that far. It sounds to me as though you both need a conversation over the watching of !!!!!! and where the boundaries are with it.

The OP said this is the second time he's done this, they had that 'conversation' the first time and he did the same again knowing she would be upset.

That is the crux of the matter, not !!!!!!, but doing something that you know hurts your partner.

euronorris

electrobix99 wrote: »

Control? Power? Attenion maybe.

Personally the whole web cam thing would not bother me if it was lots of people watching one person. I agree that the interaction is the worst part here, although the money would !!!! me off a lot but for different reasons.

That would be even more worrying. He can't get off without these things?

This is what would be so upsetting for me. First tim - OK, you didn't realise how I would feel about it, you should've checked but you didn't, and you've promised to not to do it again. OK, fair enough. Lessons learned all round. At that point, he should've switched to the pre-recorded versions available (as I find it very hard to believe that his fantasy wouldn't already be catered for in the world of !!!!!!), but he didn't. He broke her trust again, and for what? It seems to me that maybe the interaction is the most important part to him, rather than the fantasy itself.

And that makes me question if he will take it further at some point, because he is desparate to act out the fantasy (one which the OP has said she isn't willing to do).

OP, the more I think about this, the more I think that you two need to have a good long talk about this - why you find it acceptable, why he broke your trust, why that hurt you so much, why it's so important to him, what else you and he find acceptable (now's the time to be very clear with each other about what exactly is off limits), and what the consequences will be if the boundaries are crossed.