He's been paying for webcam sex

Errata

meritaten wrote: »

jeez - some of you are so 'liberal'! apparently you would be quite happy for your spouses to pay for webcam sex while you were in another room!
I find that weird!

I wonder how you would all feel if it was YOUR husbands? would you all be smugly saying 'but its not really cheating'?

I wonder what the reaction would be if someone's mother or wife was at it.

morganedge

I don't see it as cheating.
It's just like watching !!!!!! to me. Also not cheating.

However, you see it differently and told him so - he carried on.

Have it out with him again. Try again to ram the point home that you see it as cheating. Maybe he's addicted to !!!!!!/webcam sex etc. See how he feels about treatment.

System

I'm in the i see it as cheating camp. It's paying to be intimate with someone other than your partner. It doesn't matter that its virtual. If my partner was a webcam with another woman doing sexual stuff i'd consider that cheating-why is a paid webcam any different.

Tiddlywinks

0^0 wrote: »

He needs to be given his marching orders I think.

What?

tangerine3 wrote: »

Hi all.
I found out a couple of weeks ago that my OH of 10 years had paid to watch web girls perform.
I had it out with him, I told him I considered it to be cheating - he didnt agree. He agreed not to do it again. We moved on from it (sort of).

We usually have a good and varied/exciting sex life. He likes the idea of things that I love in play but not in real life. This is what he said he was getting from webcam sex.

Last night after a few crappy days he did it again.
Yes I checked his emails - I guess I dont trust him.
I have been distant on the phone today and once he got home from work.
I know I need to address it but I dont know where I want to go from here.
Im 30 weeks pregnant and dont actually know if I am being rational.

This couple have been together for 10 years and have a child on the way... just telling her to dump him is a bit simplistic.

How about suggesting counselling? Talking first?

It's easy to say 'dump him' when it's someone else, isn't it?

candygirl

Never mind if it's "cheating" or not.he has been deceitful on more than one occasion, and despite her asking him not to has been bashing his bishop, and paying for virtual sex , even when she is broad minded enough to accommodate his needs!!
IMO it's a trust issue that needs sorting

Rochdale_Guy

jizzler wrote: »

Please please have a good hard look at yourself..................

you have a personal issue & you are posting it on a forum that initially is supposed to be for money saving to a load of nerds looking for an answer !

This really speakings volumes in itself.

And this post of yours is helpful because.......?

globetraveller

jizzler wrote: »

Please please have a good hard look at yourself..................

you have a personal issue & you are posting it on a forum that initially is supposed to be for money saving to a load of nerds looking for an answer !

This really speakings volumes in itself.

He is paying for it- she wants to save money

raven83

jizzler wrote: »

Please please have a good hard look at yourself..................

you have a personal issue & you are posting it on a forum that initially is supposed to be for money saving to a load of nerds looking for an answer !

This really speakings volumes in itself.

Erm well this is what this section of the forum for!!!! Loads of people pour their hearts out in this part of the forum because they can't talk to people in their "real" life!!!!

And less of the nerds, unless of course you are one yourself!

tangerine3

Lotus-eater wrote: »

So he has a need/want/fantasy that you (the OP) won't/can't do with him.

How are you planning as a couple to deal with this?

He obviously plans to get what he needs from webcams, but like others, I find it hard to understand why normal !!!!!! won't do the same job.

We have acted the fantasy out together but doing it in play and doing the real thing are different. Im not willing to do it for real at this time, that may change later. We have discussed if we should be doing it in play, like does it make it hard to deal with for him that I wont do it for real. Even discussed if this is a deal breaker for him.

tangerine3

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Yes, the crux is not doing something that you know hurts your partner. My point is that scraping a marriage over it would be extreme. They had a conversation, but it sounds as though there wasn't a true resolution to it - he maintained he didn't view it as cheating and she said "don't do it again" which doesn't really get to the heart of why he's doing it or what their differing views on pornography are. It's actually just a stamp of will on the other person with the expectation that they'll comply and the obvious hurt that results when they don't.

I'd take a bet that boundaries regarding pornography weren't discussed prior to this relationship getting serious and now it's biting them in the bum. Some couples counselling and discussion on neutral ground would probably help.

That is not what happened we had a discussion and although he doesnt see it as cheating he acknowledged that I did. Perhaps cheating is the wrong word. There is no right answer, its what couples find acceptable within the relationship - for me this is not and he accepted that. We do other stuff that others would find weird but we see as nothing
We have been together 10 years, since teens and I can assure you !!!!!! has been discussed and until this incident we have been extremely open with one another regarding sex and its surrounding issues.