He's been paying for webcam sex

euronorris

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

I consider it unreasonable request to start with. I view what he has done as the same as watching !!!!!!, not as a form of cheating. Therefore I'd consider it unreasonable for either partner to request that they don't do it. Same as if the OP's OH had said "Oh, I don't like you using that rabbit, don't do it", I'd consider it unreasonable. I don't think it's reasonable for him to go behind her back to do it.

At the end of the day it's up to the individuals involved and the relationship they have.

Does the interaction part not bother you?

!!!!!! is fine. I have no problem with that. But interacting with another person, in any form, to get your rocks off? That's cheating in my book.

He could've accessed any number of pre-recorded !!!!!! video's, non interactive stuff to meet his needs, but he didn't. He chose the interaction route, even though he knew it would upset his wife.

So, no, to me (and many others it seems), it is not an unreasonable request to ask him to stop. And to expect him to keep his word when he agrees.

Errata

When I read threads like this I gain more understanding of why vast numbers of modern relationships fail if people are preferring to have sex with a machine rather than their partner.

BugglyB

Errata wrote: »

When I read threads like this I gain more understanding of why vast numbers of modern relationships fail if people are preferring to have sex with a machine rather than their partner.

I think you're kind of letting the OP's partner off the hook there. The relationship is suffering because of the age old phenomenon - he got his head turned, he had some lustful urge, he betrayed her trust. Older than the hills. The fact it was online is neither here nor there, surely. (as an aside, clearly he doesn't prefer sex with a machine, she's pregnant)

Plenty of relationships and friendships start online. Lots of couples use modern technology to enhance their sex lives - it doesn't mean they're heading for failure. Many couples aren't strictly monogamous and have healthy, loving relationships.

VestanPance

Any guy doing what is described is an idiot, doubly so when his partner is pregnant. Call me old fashioned but his priority should be to look after the woman he loves who is carrying his child.

System

I like to think i am pretty broadminded. P0rn has never been an issue in my marriage. Theres no p0rn mags in my house or videos (except for one home made one but i was the star ).

Hubby works away Monday to Friday. I dont know what he watches or reads when he's not at home. I dont want to know either. The only thing i said to him years ago, was 'if you get your fullfilment whilst your at work, your not going to be as desperate for it when you come home weekends as i am which could create an unequal balance in lust (if you know what i mean :rotfl:).

The only thing that sways me against 'visual aids' happened a few years back. There was a scantilly dressed woman on television. It was on one of the late mainstream channels so it wasnt too sexual but hubby turned round to me and said 'now why dont you look like that?' You couldnt have plunged a knife into my heart any deeper. I just replied 'well i doubt if she's given birth 6 times, i am presuming she has an enormous amount of money to spend on herself and her clothes. Far more than ive ever had to spend on myself'. At this i went to bed but not before threatening that i'd chop his balls off if he so much as touched me when he came to bed.

There aint no man going to use me when he's got turned on by another woman as i see it as the ultimate insult.

BugglyB

Thats horrible Judi. What a nasty thing to say.

Errata

BugglyB wrote: »

I think you're kind of letting the OP's partner off the hook there. The relationship is suffering because of the age old phenomenon - he got his head turned, he had some lustful urge, he betrayed her trust. Older than the hills. The fact it was online is neither here nor there, surely. (as an aside, clearly he doesn't prefer sex with a machine, she's pregnant)

Plenty of relationships and friendships start online. Lots of couples use modern technology to enhance their sex lives - it doesn't mean they're heading for failure. Many couples aren't strictly monogamous and have healthy, loving relationships.

I'm certainly not letting him off the hook, my stance is that his behaviour is idiotic, pathetic and sleazy.
Assuming you're a woman, and correct me if you're not, if your OH couildn't have any kind of sexual relationship with you because he had some time limited health problem, would you immediately fire up the computer and have webcam sex with any Tom, !!!!!! or Harry - or even all three at the same time? Would he be thrilled to bits if you did, would you?
If if you're extremely liberal and can answer yes to that, would you be overjoyed to know your mum was doing it? Or your young teenage daughter?

purple.sarah

I see cyber sex as cheating because it is participating in sexual activity and interactions with another person, whereas !!!!!! is just looking at pictures. My husband feels the same if you want a man's perspective.

Regardless of whether your OH sees it as cheating he knew it crossed your boundaries in a relationship, said he'd stop then did it again. If you want to stay with him consider couples counselling to help with communication and rebuild trust.

BugglyB

Errata wrote: »

I'm certainly not letting him off the hook, my stance is that his behaviour is idiotic, pathetic and sleazy.
Assuming you're a woman, and correct me if you're not, if your OH couildn't have any kind of sexual relationship with you because he had some time limited health problem, would you immediately fire up the computer and have webcam sex with any Tom, !!!!!! or Harry - or even all three at the same time? Would he be thrilled to bits if you did, would you?
If if you're extremely liberal and can answer yes to that, would you be overjoyed to know your mum was doing it? Or your young teenage daughter?

I'll answer your quesitons in points

- My partner and I negotiate the terms of our sexual relationship whether we're ill or not. We talk about stuff and decide what we're comfortable with and then stick to it. Thats why I empathise with the OP - her partner went way beyond what she was comfortable with.

- If he got ill no I wouldn't immediately go on the computer and have live webcam sex with three men. What an odd thing to assume

- If I did do that I think my partner would probably be less than thrilled

- I wouldn't be overjoyed to find out anything about my mothers sex life but I hope its fun and fulfilling for her

- young teenage children shouldn't have access to sex webcams, its an adult thing

anything else?

System

BugglyB wrote: »

Thats horrible Judi. What a nasty thing to say.

he thought he was being funny.:mad: