He's been paying for webcam sex

tangerine3

Hi all.
I found out a couple of weeks ago that my OH of 10 years had paid to watch web girls perform.
I had it out with him, I told him I considered it to be cheating - he didnt agree. He agreed not to do it again. We moved on from it (sort of).

We usually have a good and varied/exciting sex life. He likes the idea of things that I love in play but not in real life. This is what he said he was getting from webcam sex.

Last night after a few crappy days he did it again.
Yes I checked his emails - I guess I dont trust him.
I have been distant on the phone today and once he got home from work.
I know I need to address it but I dont know where I want to go from here.
Im 30 weeks pregnant and dont actually know if I am being rational.

0^0

He needs to be given his marching orders I think.

Hiddenidenity

No one can say if your being right or wrong in how you feel. That's how you feel that's it. If what he's doing breaks the trust and hurts you it doesn't matter what anyone else see's it as. I'm afraid if he was my partner I'd be leaving him. (I don't really class it as cheating in my eyes, but then there's probably something I'd hate that wouldn't bother you)

I hope I explained that ok x If this is really affecting you and your trust you should send him on his way ((hugs))

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If you see it as cheating, then it's cheating. He knew that. He continued.


What you do now is totally up to you - but don't let him dismiss it as nothing as he knew full well that it wasn't nothing to you.

Yorkie1

You're being completely rational.

I don't know how to write this without sounding as though I'm making excuses for him or blaming you (which I'm not), but has he indicated why he's doing it?

I just wonder whether it's at all related to the fact that you're quite far gone in your pregnancy and any insecurities / vulnerabilities he may feel about his future role?

meritaten

I agree with Jojo - you told him that you view it as cheating and it upsets you. he has done it again. obviously his sex drive is more important than your feelings. and hun - I don't think you being pregnant would make your feelings different would it?

NewKittenHelp

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If you see it as cheating, then it's cheating. He knew that. He continued.

What you do now is totally up to you - but don't let him dismiss it as nothing as he knew full well that it wasn't nothing to you.

I don't think that's right. If I consider looking at someone else as cheating, that still doesn't make it cheating despite what I think.

The rest of your post is spot on but I can't see how this could be considered cheating by any stretch of the mind. It's the same as !!!!!! really.

robpw2

ok i can't see why watching someone who is paid to perfom on camera is cheating , but i am not going to argue this point

i will however say that once you had it out with him and explained your feelings and he promised to stop then he should have stopped and the fact he has continued then you need to have it out with him

*Louise*

Of course you are being rational

Regardless of the details of the incident or whether it can be classed as cheating or not the fact remains that it is something which upsets you. You have asked him not to so out of regard for your feelings and as soon as you have a bad patch he goes and does it again?
No wonder you don't trust him, you shouldn't beat yourself up about that either, trust has to be earned once it's broken.

I would go nuts, mainly because I don't like secrets or being lied to.

ElegantlyWasted

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

I don't think that's right. If I consider looking at someone else as cheating, that still doesn't make it cheating despite what I think.

The rest of your post is spot on but I can't see how this could be considered cheating by any stretch of the mind. It's the same as !!!!!! really.

I think the point is that the OP considers it to be cheating, and so she's reacting the same way she would if he had kissed someone else. I personally don't think it's cheating, but that doesn't mean that someone else doesn't have different boundaries.

She's told him how she feels, and he's continuing to do it. That's a lack of respect, to me.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

I don't think that's right. If I consider looking at someone else as cheating, that still doesn't make it cheating despite what I think.

The rest of your post is spot on but I can't see how this could be considered cheating by any stretch of the mind. It's the same as !!!!!! really.

Paying someone to get you off can't be seen as cheating?

To some people the fact that they aren't married or living together means it isn't cheating. My ex believes that as long as he says he isn't going to leave his OH for any of his conquests, it's not cheating, it's 'scratching an itch'. I don't think his OH would see it that way if she knew.

The fact is that the OP does feel it to be cheating and her OH knew this is the significant aspect here.