He's been paying for webcam sex

Errata

In my book cheating is giving someone the time and attention they're not entitled to and which belongs to a spouse/partner.

raven83

I don't see it much different from him watching !!!!!! or looking at a magazine (text removed by MSE Forum Team) and wouldn't class it as cheating. However, you have expressed how you don't approve and it hurts your feelings and he has done it again and while your are pregnat, which isn't very respectful. I think if it was me, I wouldn't be as upset as him watching girls on webcam, but more upset that he didn't consider my feelings when he knew it would upset me.

themull1

Watching !!!!!!, live sex whatever wouldnt bother me, but paying for it!! No chance!!

amyloofoo

I agree with the people who've said that it's not necessarily cheating; and I probably wouldn't see it as being particularly serious... however his lying to you and ignoring your feelings is serious and you deserve better. Pregnant or otherwise, I wouldn't take well to my partner lying to my face and continuing to do something I've told them I find disrespectful.

Having said that, it's really worrying that you're checking his emails and describe the last few days as 'crappy'. I'm not justifying what he did by any means; but I think you probably also have issues that need to be addressed. Is there any possibility you could contact your local relationship counsellor to ask for help with communicating and working on a more trusting relationship?

:grouphug:

marleyboy

If he were paying to have sex with a prostitute, I would deem it as cheating. But jacking off to some stranger on a !!!!!! site is mere fantasising.

To say it was cheating would be like classing a teenage kid jacking off to a !!!!!! mag as having an affair if he were to to turn the page to the next image.

OP, you could consider restricting his internet connection, drop it down to less than 56k and any live webcams would struggle. By all means confront him over it, particularly that he has broken a promise.

If he is not showing you any affection, choosing to relieve himself behind closed doors is certainly a selfish attitude to take, one that needs addressing. So long as you both have a healthy sex life with one another, what he does in privacy with himself, would be far less severe than if he was having an affair behind your back, whether or not he pays for it.

I cannot understand why he would pay for such a service, so freely and readily available on the internet these days. But he needs to focus less on the women of fantasy and more on the woman he has.

To me sex is something physically shared between two lovers, whereas !!!!!! is merely a desire for sex. Nothing beats the real thing.

Mrs.W_2

marleyboy wrote: »

If he were paying to have sex with a prostitute, I would deem it as cheating. But jacking off to some stranger on a !!!!!! site is mere fantasising.

To say it was cheating would be like classing a teenage kid jacking off to a !!!!!! mag as having an affair if he were to to turn the page to the next image.

OP, you could consider restricting his internet connection, drop it down to less than 56k and any live webcams would struggle. By all means confront him over it, particularly that he has broken a promise.

If he is not showing you any affection, choosing to relieve himself behind closed doors is certainly a selfish attitude to take, one that needs addressing. So long as you both have a healthy sex life with one another, what he does in privacy with himself, would be far less severe than if he was having an affair behind your back, whether or not he pays for it.

I cannot understand why he would pay for such a service, so freely and readily available on the internet these days. But he needs to focus less on the women of fantasy and more on the woman he has.

To me sex is something physically shared between two lovers, whereas !!!!!! is merely a desire for sex. Nothing beats the real thing.

Each to their own, but most women would not see your opinion as carrying weight in this situation.

Sexual fidelity is open to discussion in this case, but the OP has already stated she's told her OH she's horrified by him using such online sexual outlets.

He is seeking sexual release outside their relationship. He is actively using other women in realtime for his sexual gratification. She has stated that's not on within their relationship, but he's continued to use those sevices.

Does the OP sees this activity as a form of cheating? That is up to her to decide. But her OH has been deceitful. And extremely selfish, completely disregarding the OP's feelings amongst other needs. Oh, and using money that could be spent on the betterment of their lives to do so.

Trust, when lost, takes a great deal to rebuild.

Your advice, in bold, might help, but not if the BB contract is in his name.

OP, I can only hope that you're able to talk with your OH calmly about his activities, and that he'll listen and understand why he's making you feel at your wit's end!

Fire_Fox

I don't see it as cheating because there is no emotional or physical contact, but it is a betrayal to go behind your back when you've already discussed this. So quickly might indicate he has a problem, perhaps the early stages of an addiction. IMO the best course of action is relationship counselling given that you are pregnant.

marleyboy

Mrs.W wrote: »

Each to their own, but most women would not see your opinion as carrying weight in this situation.

Sexual fidelity is open to discussion in this case, but the OP has already stated she's told her OH she's horrified by him using such online sexual outlets.

He is seeking sexual release outside their relationship. He is actively using other women in realtime for his sexual gratification. She has stated that's not on within their relationship, but he's continued to use those sevices.

Does the OP sees this activity as a form of cheating? That is up to her to decide. But her OH has been deceitful. And extremely selfish, completely disregarding the OP's feelings amongst other needs. Oh, and using money that could be spent on the betterment of their lives to do so.

Trust, when lost, takes a great deal to rebuild.

I guess thats what differentiates Men and Women, My OH would class Robbie Williams as sex on a stick - I suppose I should be jealous but any fantasies she might have about him she keeps to herself.

Besides which, the fantasies I have had for Carol Vorderman since being a teenager might make her feel somewhat inferior, I guess keeping such fantasies to ourselves as well as separate from reality works well for the both of us. But each to their own .

nonnatus

Regardless of whether he was ACTUALLY cheating or not (and I tend to think he was NOT...) You had previously expressed your dislike of the practice. he promised not to do it again. Then he did.

It's the betrayal of that TRUST that I think is the issue. You won't be able to trust him in future and will continue to check up on him, which is exhausting for you both.

He must have an addiction to the webcam sex, to risk letting it destroy his real life relationship, so maybe ask him to accept treatment of some sort?

Maureen43

Personally I wouldn't like this either but, as others have said, it is trust which is at issue here. You told him you didn't like it, he didn't stop.

Speaking from my own bitter experience (and I am sure others may disagree), I don't think you will be able to trust that he has stopped now.

Unfortunately, also from bitter experience, I don't think people change. He will always be interested in this kind of stuff. You can't turn it off.