He's been paying for webcam sex

euronorris

Edwardia wrote: »

IMHO if you feel that him watching !!!!!! is cheating, you're the one with the issues. Partner does not mean property.

If you've ever gone to see a movie or rented a DVD and fantasised about an actor then by your book, you've cheated too.

This isn't !!!!!! in the traditional sense - watching a pre-recorded video or looking at a magazine. It is interactive, and THAT is the part I would have a big problem with. He is actively interacting with another person to get him off. And I wouldn't care if he did that in person, over the phone, online, through letters, whatever - the media is not as important as the act of interacting with another person to get off is!

I don't see how that is any different to doing this with someone you met online. Just cos she's getting paid for it, doesn't make it OK. It'd be like using a prostitute and then saying 'But I paid her for sex, so it's not cheating.'.

If !!!!!! is what he wants, then there is no reason why he couldn't just watch a pre recorded !!!!!! movie - there are tonnes of them about, so it's not like he isn't spoilt for choice.

Personally, I have no problem with my partner watching !!!!!! - either with or without me (I know he does sometimes if I'm ill, tired, away whatever). But if he started using interactive services like this......well, then we'd have a huge problem.

joannaspanner

euronorris wrote: »

This isn't !!!!!! in the traditional sense - watching a pre-recorded video or looking at a magazine. It is interactive, and THAT is the part I would have a big problem with. He is actively interacting with another person to get him off. And I wouldn't care if he did that in person, over the phone, online, through letters, whatever - the media is not as important as the act of interacting with another person to get off is!

I don't see how that is any different to doing this with someone you met online. Just cos she's getting paid for it, doesn't make it OK. It'd be like using a prostitute and then saying 'But I paid her for sex, so it's not cheating.'.

If !!!!!! is what he wants, then there is no reason why he couldn't just watch a pre recorded !!!!!! movie - there are tonnes of them about, so it's not like he isn't spoilt for choice.

Personally, I have no problem with my partner watching !!!!!! - either with or without me (I know he does sometimes if I'm ill, tired, away whatever). But if he started using interactive services like this......well, then we'd have a huge problem.

I agree, !!!!!! isn't a problem, it's the interactive thing which is..

Also if she's checking his mails etc, I couldn't live like that , if the trust is gone I personally couldn't see any way forward.

BugglyB

Edwardia wrote: »

IMHO if you feel that him watching !!!!!! is cheating, you're the one with the issues. Partner does not mean property.

It is not for the OP to say that her partner can't do *whatever*. It is for her to say, if you want to be with me in this relationship, you can't do *whatever*. Then its up to him to decide, if the relationship is worth it to him.

How far does your 'partner does not mean property' rule go? Does your partner just do whatever the hell he/she wants, all the time, because you have no say? Or they're allowed to just say 'you know what honey I know I shagged your brother but that was my form of excapist relaxation and you can't argue with that because you don't own me'?

tangerine3

Gavin83 wrote: »

How could you tell from his emails that he had been viewing the webcams again?

As for if it's cheating or not, I think it's borderline. It's certainly a step up from non interactive !!!!!! but not as serious as sleeping with someone else. As many others have said though it's about setting boundaries and if he breaks the trust then there are clearly issues.

I could see the receipts for the cam sites

Stephb1986_2

I know someone who is one of these people that "get people off" it's not for drugs or anything like that but it's fantastic money your talking about £500-£600 per evening!!! Alot of "viewers" are from the states she gets all sorts of presents in the post laptops, mobiles, perfume etc etc there's one bloke who's a regular signed a mobile contract for her he sends her money all the time if she decides not to work one night he will cover her missing money. She doesn't "perform" for him just talks to him on the phone he's an elderly man from what I've been told.

I personally think it's disgusting thank god she isn't family as such and she certainly isn't a friend!

I don't know what the answer is OP I hope your ok

Steph xx

heartbreak_star

It's just a job - one with flexible hours and easy money.

Never did the webcam thing but did text chat for a while, bit of pocket money. The operators work on a "don't ask" basis, so they rarely know about their clients.

HBS x

heartbreak_star

Having said that, *hug* to OP. It's not right if you're unhappy with it.

HBS x

tangerine3

Edwardia wrote: »

You're thirty weeks pregnant so even if you are feeling horny, sex may be difficult position wise for both of you. Partner may be anxious about harming the baby if you have sex, or he may not fancy your pregnant shape.

All due respect but you know very little about my relationship, only the bare bones and you obiously have not read the whole thread.

If it's your first child together he may be wondering whether he'll get any of your attention in future, whether sex will be as good as it was, how he'll handle being a father - all sorts of things may be running through his head and he might even feel guilty for thinking about some of them.

Our sex life is getting on just fine and unless he is lying to me again, then me being pregnant doesnt bother him, it certainly doesnt stop him from haing sex with me. With this being our third child there isnt much left to be anxious about, we have been there and done that

!!!!!! may be his form of escapist relaxation. It may reassure him that he can get an erection watching, if he feels conflicted about having/not having an erection around the soon to be mother of his child.

I think he knows he can get an erection, I certainly do I could feel it poking my leg this morning

IMHO if you feel that him watching !!!!!! is cheating, you're the one with the issues. Partner does not mean property.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I dont see him as my property :mad: Again if you had read the whole thread I dont have a problem with !!!!!! - we often watch together. I have a problem with the interaction he is haing with another woman.

If you've ever gone to see a movie or rented a DVD and fantasised about an actor then by your book, you've cheated too.

Again everyone entitled to an opinion but mine is that that ^^ is utter bo**ocks!

If you were the one who snooped and found he'd been watching !!!!!! then you're the one with trust issues.

I read our bank statement, then went on to find the email address after suspecting it was fraud. Totally didnt expect it to be him.

You confronted him, he said he wouldn't do it again, you still didn't trust him and found he'd been doing it again. Now he is out of order for saying he wouldn't watch it and doing exactly that. You're upset thinking that !!!!!! is more important to him than you are. Maybe he has a !!!!!! addiction.


I think the two of you need counselling.

............................

electrobix99

If he was using a free cam site would it be so much of an issue?

Just wondering if its the paying for it or the interaction that is the main problem.

danielley

This is the last thing you need at 30 weeks pregnant. I am would be absolutely heartbroken if I was in your situation, pregnant or not pregnant.

As you and many others have said, for me it would not be the !!!!!! element, but the interaction that upset me. I do not think it is as bad as physically cheating but it is a betrayal in my opinion, especially as you have already confronted him and made your feelings clear.

I hope that you are able to work through this, but I know that my worry would be that he won't be able to stop without some professional help, as he has already promised not to stop yet continued.

Good luck and do not let it eat away at you; you need to be as chilled out as possible being pregnant.