Men not wearing a wedding ring? Thoughts please

margaretclare · 9 August 2012 at 12:03PM

Tish_P wrote: »

It's up to someone's personal aesthetic, and the kinds of symbols they value, whether they want to wear a ring, so it wouldn't in itself bother me if someone wanted to be married but not wear a ring. Is there a compromise you could come to? That he wears a ring at certain important times, or always has some other keepsake with him? Does he do tattoos? You can be creative, it's your own marriage you're talking about.

The only thing that would bother me would be if he insisted you wear one while refusing to wear one himself, because that's a double standard.

That's exactly what used to be the case in former years, was in fact enshrined in the old service going back to the 17th century, and generations of women have had to accept this 'double standard'.

balletshoes · 9 August 2012 at 12:13PM

My OH doesn't wear a wedding ring (we never bought one because he wouldn't wear it). I've never considered it a problem, we've been married 10 years, and its never been an issue. I wear one because I wear jewellery, and I wanted a ring.

My Dad never had a wedding ring either (he had a gold signet ring he wore very very occasionally) and my parents got married in the 60s.

GobbledyGook · 9 August 2012 at 12:18PM

If he has never worn jewellery then it wouldn't bother me. It took me ages to get used to wearing my engagement ring and wedding ring as I never wore any jewellery at all before.

When I got married I'd have been upset if my husband had chosen not to wear a wedding ring. However that is because he wears jewellery regularly, more than me in fact. He always wore a ring on each hand, a watch, a necklace and often a bracelet that his Gran gave him so to not wear a wedding ring would have been an active decision about a 'wedding ring' - if that makes sense.

megc_2 · 9 August 2012 at 12:24PM

Thanks for all the very quick comments!!

Acc72, the reason I posted was because I've been trying to figure out why it bothers me so much, as I knew it wasn't particularly logical.

TishP, I agree that it would really bother me if he refused to wear but insisted on me wearing one. That would be a deal breaker and may even cause me to seriously consider ending the relationship. We've discussed at length expectations of equalitya nd roles etc though so I know this wouldn;t be an issue.

scottishminnie, thanks for your comment about your friend's husband. That made me think about my ex, who was very very keen to wear a ring, but was going with other women behind my back for at least the last year of my marriage and maybe longer. At the end of the day, it's the level of the heart comittment to marriage that makes it successful than a commitment to a piece of jewellery .

Thanks everyone for your comments.

marisco_2 · 9 August 2012 at 12:29PM

megc wrote: »

I've been brought up in a family and era where men did wear rings and it feels really important to me, as the ring is an outward sign of committment and marriage- it's the symbol of the vows and sends an immediate message to everybody who sees it.

I can think of better outward signs of commitment and marriage, such as how the man conducts himself and the choices he makes. Wearing a ring makes no difference to whether someone will cheat or not. It's not what you wear its how you feel about someone that makes a marriage secure.

TheConways · 9 August 2012 at 12:31PM

My father has never worn one - Mum says that she thinks rings on men look silly, whilst my father complains my mum never bought him one! Mum and Dad live in America, and when he goes into the local bar, if Mum isn't stood next to him he frequently gets "chatted up" by American women who assume he is single due to the lack of a ring. Several have commented on it!

Men wearing a wedding ring became popular during the war time, so men could be reminded of their beloved wives at home. My grandfather wore one for four years when he fought in Burma during WW2 - it actually nearly cost him his finger after he fell down a hill through the jungle and bushes as he was fired on by the Japanese, and it caught a branch :S. He bought another ring to wear when he returned home as the first one was so twisted.

My husband wears a Claddagh ring, which looks nice. He plays rugby, football etc with it, and there is no issue. But if your husband-to-be doesn't want one, you cannot push him to - some people just don't like the feeling of rings!

lilac-straw · 9 August 2012 at 12:35PM

I don't wear a wedding ring and I'm female.

Faith177 · 9 August 2012 at 12:51PM

This does not bother me in the slightest. OH isn't going to wear a ring becase of work if catches it, it could rip his finger off

As others have said it's just a symbol at the end of the day

System · 9 August 2012 at 12:54PM

I stopped wearing a wedding ring after nearly getting my finger ripped off when it caught as I went through a door. I still can't bend that finger properly due to the damage to the knuckle.

System · 9 August 2012 at 12:59PM

In an ideal world i think it would be nice if both the husband and the wife wore a wedding ring but its not an ideal world is it? Rings are far too impractical for a lot of men and i havent wore a wedding ring for ages. It doesnt make me any the less married though.