Men not wearing a wedding ring? Thoughts please

megc_2

My partner and I have been discussing marriage recently and he has made it very clear that he does not like wearing a ring, or jewellery of any sort. He says he finds they feel restrictive and as he does a lot of gardening and DIY says they can be dangerous too if they get caught on something etc.

While I know I can trust him totally and have no doubts about his potential faithfulness, I'm surprised at how much the thought of him not wearing a wedding ring bothers me. I've been brought up in a family and era where men did wear rings and it feels really important to me, as the ring is an outward sign of committment and marriage- it's the symbol of the vows and sends an immediate message to everybody who sees it.

I know that it's only relatively recently when it's become common for men to wear wedding rings and in the grand scheme of things it's aminor issue. If he chose not to wear one, I guess it could also help towards a money-saving wedding (!), but I just wondered what other people's views are on this.

Would it bother you if your spouse didn't want to wear a wedding ring? If he/she doesn't, how do you feel about it?

Many thanks for your comments, in advance.

margaretclare

In my first marriage, the traditional C of E service made no provision for both to wear rings. The ring is blessed 'he who gives it and she who wears it..' 'With this ring I thee wed...'

My first (late) husband didn't wear a wedding ring and he too had heard of injury - a ring getting caught on machinery etc.

When I married my second husband we exchanged rings. He'd never worn one before in 2 earlier marriages. Nowadays he doesn't do the type of work he did, machinery, engineering etc. Maybe it makes a difference.

It seems to be another of those details about which there are different feelings, opinions. I can't advise!

robpw2

wedding ring or chastity device would be the choice i give him lol

no seriously a ring is just a symbol , if you love eachother then it should be up to you what you decide to do , how about if perhaps he got a tatto ring or something put in the area , if he does not like jewllery

Fuzzy_Duck

It wouldn't bother me, but that's probably because whilst you grew up around men that wore wedding rings, my dad never did. His reason was simply that he did not like jewellery- he's one of those men that doesn't like anything he views as remotely girly. My mum would have liked him to have one, but she knew it was just the way he was and it wasn't a sign that he wasn't 100% committed to her.

I think like my mum you'll probably be a bit miffed about it for a while but that feeling will go, especially as you know it's nothing to do with his faithfulness. Marriage isn't as traditional as it used to be and I'm sure there will be plenty of people who don't think it's odd that a married man isn't wearing his ring

Having said that, if you suspect you're more bothered about this than he is at the thought of wearing a ring, you could tell him this and see if he's willing to budge on the issue. Maybe you could compromise- for example perhaps he could wear his ring when he's out but take it off when he's at home?

Acc72

megc wrote: »

My partner and I have been discussing marriage recently and he has made it very clear that he does not like wearing a ring, or jewellery of any sort.

I'm surprised at how much the thought of him not wearing a wedding ring bothers me.

I've been brought up in a family and era where men did wear rings and it feels really important to me

I know that it's only relatively recently when it's become common for men to wear wedding rings and in the grand scheme of things it's aminor issue.

Why does it bother you so much if it is a "minor issue" ?

Does your partner wear any other rings or jewelery ?

As you say, I think it is more recent that more men wear wedding rings these days. You say that in your family the men wear wedding rings - what about in your partners family, do they wear wedding rings?

In my situation, I always said that I did not want to wear a wedding ring (my dad never wore a wedding ring - not sure if this has a sub-conscious effect).

However, I later changed my mind - on the day itself I just "felt" that I wanted one but I did not want to rush out and just buy the first thing I saw so I later bought a wedding ring and started to wear it on our first wedding anniversary.

krlyr

Well, he doesn't wear a wedding ring right now and I would assume that as you want to marry him, you feel you're in a healthy relationship - do you feel that he will suddenly become more likely to cheat once he is actually married? Do you think a wedding ring would prevent that?

margaretclare

Neither DH nor I regard a wedding ring - a plain gold one that is - as 'jewellery'. I think that may be what makes the difference. He too wouldn't wear jewellery - neck chains etc, not even cuff-links. But his wedding ring is something different. It's obviously something that some people value - the number of times he's been in hospital for surgery and his ring has been taped, not removed.

Gavin83

I'm not married yet but I probably wouldn't wear one either. I never wear jewellery of any sort, I find it too restrictive and rings is the most restrictive jewellery of all. I would offer to compromise and wear it in a necklace chain or something but I like to keep my fingers clear. I also wouldn't get a finger tattoo, not exactly presenting a professional image is it?

However I don't see what difference a ring makes to someones ability to cheat, if they want to cheat they'll cheat regardless.

lozza1985

My DH doesn't really wear jewellery, the most he wears is a watch and that's not very often. He wasn't too sure about having a ring, but I asked how he'd feel if I didn't wear a wedding ring...that decided it for him, and now he wears quite a large wedding ring

Tish_P

It's up to someone's personal aesthetic, and the kinds of symbols they value, whether they want to wear a ring, so it wouldn't in itself bother me if someone wanted to be married but not wear a ring. Is there a compromise you could come to? That he wears a ring at certain important times, or always has some other keepsake with him? Does he do tattoos? You can be creative, it's your own marriage you're talking about.

The only thing that would bother me would be if he insisted you wear one while refusing to wear one himself, because that's a double standard.

scottishminnie

My husband didn't have a wedding ring when we first married. He does lots of manual/machinery work and didn't wish to take the risk (we both know someone who had a serious accident where their ring got caught in machinery). He did decide, a couple of years after we married that he would like a wedding ring to wear when he was going out or on holiday. He now has a diamond band which he wears on occasion.

I don't mind either way whether he wears one or not. I remember the diva like dramas caused by my best friends husband over getting the exact wedding ring he wanted - unfortunately it didn't mean a thing to him when he took up with several other women during the marriage. (and it obviously didn't mean anything to the other women either!)

I'm not suggesting for one moment that would be the case with your partner:)