Offended by cash request

gadgeteer_2

jtr2803 wrote: »

And lastly....if a couple want to have a ridiculously large and unnecessarily costly wedding the why on earth should their guests feel obliged to send them off on a nice holiday? I really don't get that part. If you can't afford both then save harder or cut your wedding down or delay it?!

I think it's actually quite insulting to assume that people ask for donations towards a honeymoon because they spent too much on a lavish wedding.

For us our wedding isn't lavish although at the same time it's not budget. We'll go on the honeymoon we've planned even if noone wants to contribute.

It's purely being practical. As you said yourself we live together, we don't need help setting up the home. We don't even NEED the gift. It's purely voluntary. And the preference is that if you do want to give us a gift, we'd rather it was something useful rather than like CD's example, loads of wedding photo frames.

I can see why some people wouldn't like to donate money since I suspect they may be afraid that any amount they were willing/able to contribute would be seen as too little. Or that maybe someone else would donate more and make them look tight. But personally I don't like thinking like that and any friend of mine who looked down on me because so & so donated more wouldn't be a friend any longer.

ennui

Personally I find it a little presumptuous when people ask for cash, but it doesn't annoy me enough to ignore the request. I'd be giving them a gift anyway, so I give cash to the value I'd have spent on the gift. Saves stressing!

What I don't understand is a guest taking exception to what a monetary gift is spent on. Why does it make a difference if the couple spends the money on the honeymoon, or something they do on the honeymoon, or something for the house, or the wedding... or whatever it is they want?

faithless

I'm relieved by this development. My OH's brother got married last week and put in a poem about cash towards the honeymoon, means you can get them something they'll appreciate without spending hours looking for a suitable gift. At least they'll put it towards their honeymoon and enjoy it, rather than chuck up the attic the wedding photo frame I decided after much deliberation would be perfect, along with the 10 others!

I'm planning my wedding next year and we'll be doing the same.

jtr2803 wrote: »

See, I hate these [poems] with an absolute passion, it's so generic and impersonal.

I found them a little impersonal, so I'm writing my own little poem. I'll make it clear we're not expexting gifts, but if people want to give something, contributions towards the excursions we'd love to do visiting wildlife sanctuaries in the jungle reserves and orangtan orphanage. It doesn't rhyme too well so far though, lol!

stir_crazy

jtr2803 wrote: »

Isn't it funny then that apart from when you are a child, the only time it is deemed 'acceptable' to send people a list of things you want them to buy you is when you get married? I find that truly puzzling, presumptuous and a little crass to be honest.


As TQ says, it's the sending them out with invites and/or those stupid poems that annoys me the most. You are assuming I am coming and bringing you a gift?

Sorry for picking on jtr, but she had the best, most recent example. I personally would never attend a wedding without buying the couple a present. Nobody I know would ever attend a wedding without buying a present, so I dont see that it is presumptious to ask your guests for something that you really need, be that cash or 100 towels. I dont see that helping someone pay for their honeymoon is outrageous, as the couples I know who have done it are doing it the sensible way and have paid for it first.

I personally didnt want to ask for anything on the invites because we didn't want a gift list from a shop (we already have anything we need) and we wanted to personally answer any of our guests who asked us.

Dark_Star

We've only had one request for cash for a honeymoon but bought something that was truly appreciated but very different instead. They'd just moved to a really really old house (over 200 years ) so we bought them a 100 year old copy of Mrs Beeton's book of household management. I picked a copy that was 100 years ago from the year they got married & put a note that 100 years ago another bride would have received this book & now it's your turn to look after this book. (can't remember exact words).

They were truly amazed as they'd never in a million years think of buying something like that. It was full of stuff like how much to pay the maids/boot boy etc ! Which their house would have had.:)

Didn't cost the earth thanks to E bay :rotfl:

I know they would have had fun showing it off to other friends:D & appreciated the thought behind it.

I realise this would not suit every one but perhaps a small retro/vintage object that is useful (no idea what - corkscrew/vase ?) could be an idea?

Errata

My opinion is that asking for cash means that the bride and groom have invited a lot of people to their wedding that don't know them very well at all so don't know what they would like/need/what their taste is, and the bride and groom can't face up to that.
I think this state of affairs is quite sad and bride and groom then attempt to control what gifts people should give them.
As far as the 'poems' are concerned, they're not poems they're doggerel and in many instances quite amazingly nauseous.

gadgeteer_2

Errata wrote: »

My opinion is that asking for cash means that the bride and groom have invited a lot of people to their wedding that don't know them very well at all so don't know what they would like/need/what their taste is, and the bride and groom can't face up to that.

You mean people I've invited like my parents, her parents, my best mate of 20 years, close friends I've known for a long time and regularly spend time with?

I hope my friends & family will be more of faithless's opinion. My fiancee & I have a good income. If there's something we need, we generally just go and get it. So when it comes to presents we're the worst people to try & buy for. Even I don't know what I want for my birthday/christmas presents.

faithless

Errata wrote: »

My opinion is that asking for cash means that the bride and groom have invited a lot of people to their wedding that don't know them very well at all so don't know what they would like/need/what their taste is, and the bride and groom can't face up to that.
I think this state of affairs is quite sad and bride and groom then attempt to control what gifts people should give them.

No, it's because I know them well and know how bad they are at gift buying. E.g. last year my parents bought my OH an expensive decorative ceramic plate commemorating a battle 'because he likes history'. What they thought a 30 year old man is going to do with a collectable plate I've no idea.

stir_crazy

Errata wrote: »

My opinion is that asking for cash means that the bride and groom have invited a lot of people to their wedding that don't know them very well at all so don't know what they would like/need/what their taste is, and the bride and groom can't face up to that.
I think this state of affairs is quite sad and bride and groom then attempt to control what gifts people should give them.
As far as the 'poems' are concerned, they're not poems they're doggerel and in many instances quite amazingly nauseous.

I guess you're a 4 toasters and 3 kettles kind of person then

:rotfl: :rotfl:

trebor21

Well if you think they are just throwing a wedding to get a few quid out of you then simply decline the invite. Problem solved. Doubt the couple would want anyone who thought that at the wedding anyway. So doing everyone a favour really.

People get to hung up on the details, everyone knows that a brand of x champagne is say £25 a bottle, so the value is still £25 and Im sure they would appreciate either but prefer the cash. If they are good friends then they will know your circumsatnces and not expect much or anything at all!