Offended by cash request

floss2

Skintski wrote: »

We were hoping to request holiday vouchers through someone like Thomson or is that also frowned upon? We already live together but we don't have a lot of money and have never had a foreign holiday, we never expected 5 star, if anything it would be a last minute deal in the sun somewhere.

burnoutbabe wrote: »

asking for money for a honeymoon just sounds strange. as surely you have already booked/saved up for it beforehand? Extras on the honeymoon/spending when there is fine. but money to pay for it (assuming its one right after the wedding) just sounds disorganised/anticipating too much.

We had been living together for 4 years, had both had our own homes before I moved into his, so didn't need anything. We put a note in with our invitations to say:

We have a home that is already full of everything we need; however, if you would like to buy us a gift, then Thomas Cook vouchers would be very gratefully accepted which we will use for our honeymoon next year.

We were lucky enough to be given enough for a fab holiday in Portugal for our 1st anniversary (and DH had secretly booked us a mini-moon immediately after the wedding too )

We've got 2 weddings to go to this summer, both couples who already live together - one has a list of things of varying cost that would be treats: meals out at local pubs, plants for their garden, a bottle of nice wine or champagne etc. The other couple have asked for Aussie dollars for spending on treats on their honeymoon - its all booked & paid for, but means they will have extra cash to do the extra experiences such as diving on the Barrier Reef & whale watching.

jacksma

We got married last year and as we already live together, we didn't 'need' anything, however, after a very hard 2 years we desperately wanted to get away after the wedding with our little boy for 2 weeks at a keycamp holiday in france.

We simply asked people that if they were going to get us a gift, if they would consider giving us a donation towards our honeymoon instead, but made it clear that we would rather people came than gave us gifts.

We had gifts varying from £20 up to £1000 and every gift was special regardless of the amount. Quite a few people gave us gifts instead of cash, which we apppreciated too. One of my cousins gave us a photo frame with a £20 note inside, which we thought was great too.

I think just give what you want and I'm sure if they are real friends, they will appreciate it regardless.

lazer

My personal opinion is that is rude to ask for a gift.

Wedding Invitations should be about invviting people to celebrate with you, they should not contain information about gift lists, cash requests etc.

What gift you would like should not be discussed. If after receiving the invite someone asks you what you would like as a gift, it is polite to say that no gift is expected. If they say they are definatley getting you something, and would prefer to get you something they know you like, than you can direct them to a gift list, ask for cash etc.

We do not have a gift list, we do not expect cash either though - we will probably get a mixture of both. People have been asking our parents what we would like, and depending on who is asking they generally get told that we we be very grateful for anything they get us.

We both have our own houses, and everything we need, however we will be married for the rest of our lives, so having 4 spare kettles, toasters, towels etc can only be a good thing!

Also the stuff we have is generally poor quality tesco value kettles etc, so the good stuff we get as wedding presents will be much appreciated!

The only thing I really want is a Denby Dinner set - which if no-one buys it for me, We will use some of the money we receive to buy it ourselves,as well as one gift the OH really wants! (Although think my mum has told some of her sisters we want this and they will buy it for us!)

TheSeventh

We live together and already have waaaaaaaaaaay too much stuff for our little house.

I didn't want to say anything about gifts, as we don't need anything and I don't want to make people feel obliged about giving, however so many people got very flustered when they heard this, insisting they HAD to give something, and we heard so many stories about 100 towels that in the end we decided to ask for money toward a very special photo album of all our wedding memories.

In our invites, we've said that we don't want/need gifts - however, if people want to give something, we're saving for a luxury wedding album and would welcome any help towards it. We also included the Photographers' card with info on the album (bare minimum £500!) and details of how to give directly to the photographers if people are uncomfortable giving cash which could be used for anything.

I hasten to add that we will buy the album whether people donate anything or not, but that every donation will mean we can add extra pages/photos to it!

I'm very aware that asking for cash is often seen as a bit tacky, but I've tried my best to make sure people know that a donation is NOT required, that we aren't asking people to "buy the album for us" (but to help increase the size of the album we're already buying), and have provided the option of giving direct to the photographer, not giving cash in an envelope.

If anyone still has a problem after all this, then they can give us a pack of towels or bottle of champagne that'll probably be foisted off at the next wedding we go to! (obviously any special, personalised, and thoughtful gifts will be treasured! but buying us something bland like champagne is pointless and thoughtless as neither of us likes it!)

pinky83

I don't see what the problem is personally...Surely the whole point of giving a gift is to bring happiness to the person/people receiving it, so by giving them what they want you will in turn be making them happy and contributing to their first memories of married life. I personally think that being invited to join someone on their wedding day is special as they want to share it with you and it has been custom for countless years that guests bring a gift. Times have evolved and, as has previously been posted, couples more often than not don't require the traditional toaster & kettle. If it bothers you that much then just as they have been upfront with you in asking for what they want, why don't you be upfront with them in return and tell them that you would prefer not to give cash and ask if there is anything else that they would like???

Errata

So - some people state they have everything, don't want anything, don't need anything, but would like some cash? Why?
Why embarrass guests by inviting them to disclose by way of a lump of cash how much they're prepared/can afford to spend?
At least with a toaster the cost is not an exact science, unlike pound coins.

TheSeventh

Errata wrote: »

So - some people state they have everything, don't want anything, don't need anything, but would like some cash? Why?

I told our guests we didn't need anything but if THEY wanted to give something, we'd like a donation toward a wedding album.

The reason I told them this was because so many guests insisted they wanted to give us something!

I'm more than fine if people don't give anything - but if they CHOOSE to give something, I've told them what I'd like.

And frankly (at the risk of sounding a selfish !!!!!) if a guest ignores BOTH my "no,we don't need/want anything" AND my "but if you must, we'd like this" - then I hope they'll understand if I'm less than thrilled with their unwanted Argos kettle!

starrybee

I cannot understand why people find it so offensive to give money....what is the difference between "we want a holiday" to "we want a toaster"?? Surely the point is to make the receiver of the gift happy?
Why would anyone be purposefully selfish by giving them something they don't need or want?!

Errata

Clearly some Bridezillas have never heard the phrase "I want never gets".

laura_hoggle

Personally, if I were going to a friends house for dinner or a party, I wouldn't turn up empty handed... I'd take a bottle of wine, a bunch of flowers, make a cake or something. I like to thank the hosts for their hospitality, and a wedding is kind of like being invited for dinner but on a bigger scale!

I like when a wedding invite gives the guest an idea of what the couple would like. Yes, it can be presumptuous to assume that they will buy you something, but then as I said, I would never turn up empty handed. Sometimes it can be a lot of work to attend a wedding, booking accommodation/transport, maybe booking time off work or finding babysitters, finding outfits etc. so by the couple suggesting what they would like, it takes a bit of work off the guests shoulders! However I would never give what I could not afford, and would never worry that the couple would think I was being 'stingy'.

Edit: We will be having a gift list for a department store at our wedding, as we will have been living together for less than a year when we get married. Although we both have kitchen things etc., nothing matches, and would like some new bedding! However we will not mention this on the invitation, but add it to our wedding website. After sending out our 'save the dates' some people have already asked about gifts etc., and we have already booked and started paying for our honeymoon. We do not expect guests to buy us guests as we do appreciate attending weddings can be very expensive for guests (we must have spent nearly £1000 attending 4 weddings this year alone!) but if they wish to, we will give them an idea of things we would love.

I can see how the OP is annoyed however, this couple in particular do seem to have been quite cheeky in asking for the veil and saying they can't afford things as they are paying for everyone to attend. My OH and I have made jokes about this with some of our very close friends, but then that is our sense of humour and we would never dream of saying it to someone who would find it offensive. Could they have been saying it jokingly?