Offended by cash request

Vicki84_2

Hi

Some friends of ours are getting married and have asked for cash towards their honeymoon in lieu of a gift list.

I'm very uncomfortable with this. I've been bought up with the attitude that if you can't afford you do without. My husband and I had two fabulous days in a nice hotel the UK, because that was all we could afford at the time.

I'm annoyed in the extreme to be asked to put money towards a lengthy foreign holiday. Let me be clear, I would be happy to buy an 'experience' or something useful for the trip (e.g. a camera), but just a cash donation seems off. I'm also concerned that we earn quite a lot less than many of our friends, so our contribution is going to look paltry.

Anyone else been in this situation? Do you think it would be acceptable to take a gift to the wedding instead, such as a bottle of champagne?

Thanks

ankspon

Give what you can afford,if that is what they want i don't see a problem,it is their day.

picklepick

Just buy them whatever you like!

If it were me I'd have no problem contributing to their honeymoon, but if you're unhappy about it, just get them something else!

wannabemrs

I always view requests as a guide in case you don't know what to get them. I would do whatever you are comfortable with, although I do think the honeymoon request is becoming more popular

double_mummy

hi vicki

this is quite a hot topic here with opinions divided are they using a website such as honeyfund so you can buy them a meal or something or are they just asking for pure cash?

if you arent comfortable giving them money why not buy something towards the holiday - camera (but they might already have) monogrammed towels - mr and mrs flip flops

if you do want to give money but are concerened about the apperance then are there some other people going who you could all group together and say - from vicki james john and mary (dont know why those names popped into my head lol)

what exactly can they say if you dont show up with a wedge of cash for them?

xxxxxxx

Generali

When I got married I asked for John Lewis vouchers to help set up home. If anyone felt uncomfortable with that then they were free to give nothing or indeed something else (as many people did: we ended up with a lot of unwanted towels). I invited them to my wedding for their company not their wallet.

It seems a bit weird to me that you want to decide what sort of wedding presents the Bride and Groom should want. Take a bottle of champagne if you want but have the self-awareness to realise that you are taking the present for your own ends not theirs.

PS In many cultures it is normal that wedding gifts should be in cash not in kind. Could you have misinterpreted?

stir_crazy

I usually tend to give cash now even if the couple have a gift list. I think it means that they can do what they want with the money. If you're not comfortable donating towards the honeymoon, why not give them a cash gift in the currency of the destination? Or gift vouchers, or buy them a gift that you are happy getting them. A gift list/ honeymoon fund/ cash request isnt something set in stone.

johannalf88

Why not just buy them an experience or something then, how about tickets for the first class lounge etc?

Tbh lots of people are doing this now, we have a honeyfund website, where people can buy us experiences- but they do just have to then give us the cash. We could have done it through Thompson etc, but then they take a % of the gift, or others charge for card payments etc- which does not seem fair on the guest!

I don't think it is a problem to bring a gift, but make sure it is something they want it need. Champagne they probably have lots of, no need for photo frames etc. but if someone was to buy me an underwater camera I wouldn't be complaining! :rotfl:

The main thing is just give what you can afford , our gifts start from £15, so really don't worry about giving less. If they don't appreciate it are they really worth it?!

cord123

I think the attitude of if you cant afford it you go without could be said for any present.... thats why it is a present (because they havent already got it)What would be the point of saying nothing and ending up with a millions towels and vases, I see that as being more rude because people spend their hard earned money on something that is useless or not needed.
If you are more worried because you feel that most people will give X and you can only afford Y then can you pay for them to go into the airport lounge or something like that? I would have been thrilled if someone had done that for me! xx

Vicki84_2

Generali, this is a cold hard request for cash. The bride already asked me for my veil (and I quote) "because we spent all our money on food for you guys".

I'm half Indian, so giving money isn't unusual for me, cash is usually pinned on the couple during the ceremony. It's the request that I find offensive. I read it as "We want a fancy honeymoon, but we'd like you to pay for it"

Even £50 would be a stretch for us and that goes nowhere these days, it wouldn't even cover the fuel charge for one flight.

I do like the idea of giving them currency though

jtr2803

Like doubly mummy said, you will get very divided opinions here on the subject.

I don't particularly mind people asking for cash but I don't like it being sent out in those little poems. If there was no gift list and I asked what the couple would like and they said they would like to add to their honeymoon/upgrade etc then that's fine, I just don't like the assumption, but then plenty of others find it useful.

I was updating our wedding website the other day and have put this about gifts:

The whole wedding gift list subject is a very sensitive one for us. We are both very fortunate to have good jobs and are able to afford the majority of things that we would like. We realise that attending a wedding can be costly for a guest and do not feel it is right to add to that expense by requesting any sort of wedding gift, we would much prefer that you come and see us either at our ceremony or reception and give us some tips for a happy marriage!

If you decide to ignore our request then we will of course gratefully receieve anything that you are kind enough to buy!