Offended by cash request

nonnatus

JTR - That was a lovely sentiment, summed up very nicely in your amended wedding list. I just thought you sounded like a really nice couple.

I have attended a few weddings lately and tend to go "off list" for the prezzies, finding something unusual and quirky that I might be remembered by in their house (although I'm aware that the chances of gift ending up in the loft are high!!)
Definitely won't be contributing money. My Besty friend is marrying in October and is really reluctant to post a list, knowing that I am equally reluctant to follow one!

I know guests put themselves out by attending and probably travelling a fair bit on the day, but Bride and Groom pay a small fortune for the day itself (from food to reception) and I always think the gift is, in part, recognising that spending.

minerva_windsong

Okydoky25 wrote: »

We did this at our wedding. We already lived together so had everything. I don't know about others who do the same but I didn't care if you turned up empty handed as long as you came and enjoyed your day with us. I can assure you it was the people who didn't turn up that upset me not those who didn't bring a gift!

I agree with this - I would far rather people showed up to our wedding with no gift than didn't come because they couldn't afford to give us anything on top of the other expenses for going to a wedding, and I'd be very grateful for anything people did choose to give us no matter what it was worth.

We are probably going to ask for honeymoon contributions (but for experiences rather than just cash), although I know some of my older relatives will want to get us a 'thing' so there'll also be a small gift list for them. I don't think I'll give the information out on the list unless people specifically ask for it though.

Roz_V

We are going away to Iceland for 5 days straight after the wedding but have already paid for this & got savings for spending money, but we'd like to have an "exotic" (hot!) holiday next year which we'll be paying for with whatever's left of the wedding budget and any cash gifts we receive on the day.

We have made no mention of gifts in the invitations, those who have asked we have said we'd just like people to turn up & have fun - most have accepted that but those who have really insisted further we've said we're saving for a big holiday next year and any contributions to this would be gratefully received.

gadgeteer_2

Hmm, this is what I'm afraid of. My fiancee & I are getting married next year. We've got a nice home already and don't need anything. I have no need for a new toaster, designer plates or matching slippers. So buying us a gift, you'd be essentially just wasting your hard earned money.

Instead we were going to go down the route as well of saying that no gift is necessary but if you want then you can make a donation to our honeymoon.

I really don't see why people are insulted by that? Contribute or don't. If you have been invited to our wedding then you are our friend and we value your friendship. That doesn't change because you donated £100, £10 or £0.

Torry_Quine

I would be offended and wouldn't be giving money. If you want a honeymoon then pay for it yourself. I don't think any mention of gifts financial or otherwise should go with invitations. If someone asks then by all means say money is preferred.

scarlet1985

I genuinely don't understand why people get so offended by giving money as a gift. I find utterly much easier to give money than buying something off a list. I find it no more offensive for a guest to "pay" for a honeymoon than I do for them to furnish your house. Both ways are a present and should be given and received in that way. I also don't understand the attitude of "the guests have spent a lot of money to be there". For me its an honour to be invited to someone's wedding and I don't consider the cost as a reason to not give the present the couple ask for.

seashore22

Absolutely Scarlet. I wouldn't dream of turning up at a wedding without a gift, regardless of how much money it's cost me to be there. Surely the most thoughtful gift is one that the couple want or need. If that happens to be money or contribution to the honeymoon then so be it.

Another way of looking at it is that you are helping to pay for happy memories. A lovely holiday or day out with my family is far more valuable than a tangible present. Memories like that last a lifetime. I know that sounds hopelessly sentimental, but it's still true.

MrsE_2

Generali wrote: »

When I got married I asked for John Lewis vouchers to help set up home. If anyone felt uncomfortable with that then they were free to give nothing or indeed something else (as many people did: we ended up with a lot of unwanted towels). I invited them to my wedding for their company not their wallet.

It seems a bit weird to me that you want to decide what sort of wedding presents the Bride and Groom should want. Take a bottle of champagne if you want but have the self-awareness to realise that you are taking the present for your own ends not theirs.

PS In many cultures it is normal that wedding gifts should be in cash not in kind. Could you have misinterpreted?

I too cannot understand the dislike of cash.
You don't have to go out & purchase it (saving petrol & parking), you don't have to buy wrapping & wrap it:money:

Most importantly, you give the bride & groom what they will use &/or need rather than something they will stash in the attic or sell for peanuts at a car boot sale.

Why can't people just give the cash they would have spent on a gift?

Jinx

The honeymoon cash request can backfire - a couple I know booked a honeymoon on the premise of the cash/Thomson vouchers they would get from guests....! They actually worked it out at x amount of couples = y amount of spondulicks!! I thought this was a step too far to be honest.:eek:

Anyway the upshot is they didnt get nearly as much as they expected and the honeymoon had to be radically changed and nearly didnt happen...

Obviously most sensible people will have paid for the honeymoon upfront - I hope; or do it t'other way round, hubby and I had the holiday then the wedding :rotfl:

Turtle

I can't remember the last time we went to a wedding and there was an actual gift list. I'm very happy to give money, the last two I've given currency for the honeymoon destination.

When we marry in May we're going abroad with parents. We've told 4 friends about it and that's it. We just want to go off and do it, come home and tell people we're married. Hopefully this will avoid the issue! (though we could quite honestly do with some new towels and a kettle :rotfl:)