Offended by cash request

johannalf88

Faith177 wrote: »

I hate this idea have done for years and agree with you OP don't have it don't do it.

I have told people I don't care what they get us as I know must people will have high travel expenses ect.

If I get 100 towels I get 100 towels they will all get used eventually but at least the people we care about were there to give me them

We live in a 1 bed flat- no space for 100 towels! Kettles and toasters would end up on eBay! It's horrible I know, but we really don't have the space to store stuff, so it's not even like they could be put away!

double_mummy

wow on page 2 already lol i havent been on vistaprint that long have i hehehehehehe

have you thought about talking to the couple and discussing it with them?

LEJC

I'm also one of those people who would rather give a gift than money,but over the years I've come to appreciate that even though you think the bottle of champagne or whatever gift you choose is nice the couple will probably view it potentially as not what they asked for.

They sound as if they have planned a honeymoon hoping that they will get it funded by the guests and dont actually want or need "tangable" wedding presents

I would just put in an envelope what you can afford or want to give as a gift...afterall £25 is better than nothing at all to this couple and it sounds like it would be more warmly welcomed than a gift of an item....its highly unlikely that any time in the future you are going to be challenged by the couple over the amount you gave and if you are then they show their true colours of not actually being very grateful.....at that point then its up to you whether you would class them as friends.

McKneff

If I had friends getting married and I put in what I could afford and then subsequently go anywind of them thinking i was a tight git, well they would not be the sort I would want any longer as friends and certainly off my Christmas card list. Some friends eh....

RainbowDrops

jtr2803 wrote: »

The whole wedding gift list subject is a very sensitive one for us. We are both very fortunate to have good jobs and are able to afford the majority of things that we would like. We realise that attending a wedding can be costly for a guest and do not feel it is right to add to that expense by requesting any sort of wedding gift, we would much prefer that you come and see us either at our ceremony or reception and give us some tips for a happy marriage!

If you decide to ignore our request then we will of course gratefully receieve anything that you are kind enough to buy!

I would take the last sentence off personally - it makes the whole thing read as if you're trying to be hollier than thou, but that really you do want gifts.

double_mummy

hows your daughter doing mckneff not long to go now have you got your outfit yet? xxx

mrsrwallace

when i got married i was afraid to ask for what we really needed so ended up with so many towels, cutlery sets etc - i wish we had asked for money so we could have bought what we wanted/needed. we didn't have a list either as we didn't want guests to feel obliged to buy something they couldn't afford. though i am more than happy to give money as a gift as I know that most couples want that rather than a present.
if i was to do it again i would have asked for money....

from what i see here is not the issue of the money...i think you sound happy enough to give money but to me it sounds like the bride is a bit of a cow with an ungrateful attitude? would i be right? if that is the case stick a tenner in her card and if she doesn't like it TOUGH!! Make sure you eat and drink plenty at the wedding (at her expense lol!) and hav a great day yourself! If she is being snooty then i wouldn't even bother going to be honest!

savemoney

When I got married in 89 we didnt even have a honeymoon we put all our money into a house and get got no financial help although we did get a little for wedding but not much ie costs of car. Back then we also had a cheap wedding certainly didn't cost thousands and we had reception in a pub and no night do either. I think some peoples expectations are too high these days, but then I was brought up at a time when possessions and latest gadgets wasn't as high. Call me old fashioned but I really despair the amount of money people waste on weddings, I much rather money was better spent on a house.

jtr2803

RainbowDrops wrote: »

I would take the last sentence off personally - it makes the whole thing read as if you're trying to be hollier than thou, but that really you do want gifts.

It's always nice to get another persons perspective so thank you, perhaps I will re word the last past.

It's not a case of trying to be holier than thou, it's a fact that having been to a number of weddings, we both understand the costs to a guest for fuel, parking, time off work, outfits if needed etc. We really don't want for anything and would rather people not feel obliged.

Maybe the difference here is that our site is password protected and will only be viewed by the very few guests we have, who are all immediate family and best friends so they will know the sincerity of our messgae, whereas others may not. Edited to add - there will be nothing in our invites about gifts either.

cats2012

Ours is going to say this (or there abouts)...

"We have chosen not to have a gift list for our wedding, however if you would like to give a gift we would be grateful for any contributions towards furniture for our house* or else please donate your gift to Cancer Research Uk at www......com "

* we've only just bought our house and are having a small wedding so all our family/friends will know we've not long moved in (10 months) and haven't had the money to furnish it properly yet.