Offended by cash request

swampduck

We are getting married in a few weeks time, and also had this dilemma. We are well aware that a few people are incurring costs and expense so that they can come to our wedding and made no mention of gifts in our invites.
People that have asked have been told that we would rather they were there to share and celebrate our day - but if they have been insistent then we have said we are going on a mini moon to London for three days and if they would like to contribute to a bus ticket or whatever then we would be delighted with whatever they choose.
We have still received gift vouchers but they will be spent in due course on things that we want or need in the future and we will have pleasure in letting the giver know what we purchased.
But the OPs' post indicates that they feel whatever they give will be frowned upon - if it is - then the recipients don't deserve the gift in the first place!!

marleyboy

cats2012 wrote: »

"We have chosen not to have a gift list for our wedding, however if you would like to give a gift we would be grateful for any contributions towards furniture for our house* or else please donate your gift to Cancer Research Uk at www......com "

My Stepdad was diagnosed with cancer and before his death did likewise. he asked that instead of buying flowers for his funeral, that the money be donated to Cancer Research.

Needless to say flowers were still purchased anonymously, but a large donation went as requested, I found that very touching and is most certainly something I would want to arrange prior to my funeral.

Okydoky25

We did this at our wedding. We already lived together so had everything. I don't know about others who do the same but I didn't care if you turned up empty handed as long as you came and enjoyed your day with us. I can assure you it was the people who didn't turn up that upset me not those who didn't bring a gift!

Jalapee

Me and my partner have done the same as this couple and we getting married next week, people kept asking us what we wanted etc... we had a poem stating that if they wish we would love a contribution to our honeymoon, but have stated we would rather have them there than any contribution, as long as they are there thats all that matters! As we too have our own house and everything for it etc!

seashore22

Personally whenever I receive a wedding invitation asking for money or donation to a honeymoon, I'm delighted. No looking around endlessly for the perfect gift, with the risk that they won't even like it. I would much rather give a couple something they that they will appreciate.

When I got married 27 years ago we were given some lovely but totally useless presents. The beautiful cut glass decanter springs to mind, which sat in a cupboard for 24 years. When we last moved it went to a charity shop.

Lots of people hate champagne too.

My daughter is also asking for contributions to her honeymoon. It's all been paid for, so they are not relying on these gifts to make it happen. If guests don't like it then they don't have to do it.

rdchick

I think it's a perfectly fine thing to ask for - like others have said who wants a million household gadgets that you're not going to use?!

I think every wedding I have been to the gift has been money - except for the most recent wedding I went to - where you could promise to give the couple things like entry to a museum (that they wanted to go to on their honeymoon) or a meal out - so yes you are giving them money but they are telling you what they will spend it on and you can decide on whether it's a small thing or a big thing! I thought that was a lovely idea xxx

continualdiamond

My sister back in Australia had an account with a travel agent and you basically put whatever money you wanted into it. The information was given with the invites. A lot of people liked that because they knew for certain the money would go towards the honeymoon and not be spent elsewhere.

Though people still did buy gifts instead.

My wedding last year however, I kinda wish I did do the honeymoon idea because we didn't go anywhere. We stopped in a B/B on our wedding night and that was it, couldn't afford a honeymoon and not many people gave us money.

We didn't set up a gift list either, it was up to our guests what they felt comfortable with.

However we ended up with so many wedding photo frames it wasn't funny. Most I do not use, simply because I am in a flat and do not want my lounge room filled with just photos from our wedding.

I went to a wedding weekend just gone and I got them a present, as no gift list or honeymoon fund was mentioned. However a wedding I am going to in Sept have asked for money towards a honeymoon, though they worded it nicely with saying the most important thing for them was that you (the guest) share their special day with them.

ladypike

We have stated 'We want your presence rather than your presents;-)
People are having to fork out enough to come to our wedding, I would just feel very uncomfortable asking for anything, presents or money.

Give what you can afford, I would never think badly of someone if they only stuck £20 in an envelope. Everybody is different, you should never have expectations of presents. If she was a true friend it wouldn't matter what you gave them:-)

qetu1357

Relatives of mine got married abroad, only invited 3 people, and still expected presents on their return!

rdchick

qetu1357 wrote: »

Relatives of mine got married abroad, only invited 3 people, and still expected presents on their return!

now that is a little bit rude! lol xxx