Offended by cash request

Skintski

We were hoping to request holiday vouchers through someone like Thomson or is that also frowned upon? We already live together but we don't have a lot of money and have never had a foreign holiday, we never expected 5 star, if anything it would be a last minute deal in the sun somewhere.

Torry_Quine

To clarify it's the asking for money with the invitation that's the problem. If I ask the couple and they say money then fine. However it's wrong to expect things without being specifically asked.

burnoutbabe

asking for money for a honeymoon just sounds strange. as surely you have already booked/saved up for it beforehand? Extras on the honeymoon/spending when there is fine. but money to pay for it (assuming its one right after the wedding) just sounds disorganised/anticipating too much.

BugglyB

I am wondering if I put 'no gifts thank you' on our invites...will we still end up with loads of towels? I really don't want anything!

jrrowleyws

I like the idea of a justgiving page where guests can donate to charity instead of giving a gift. You could find a charity or two which means something to you both.

RainbowDrops

jtr2803 wrote: »

It's always nice to get another persons perspective so thank you, perhaps I will re word the last past.

It's not a case of trying to be holier than thou, it's a fact that having been to a number of weddings, we both understand the costs to a guest for fuel, parking, time off work, outfits if needed etc. We really don't want for anything and would rather people not feel obliged.

Maybe the difference here is that our site is password protected and will only be viewed by the very few guests we have, who are all immediate family and best friends so they will know the sincerity of our messgae, whereas others may not. Edited to add - there will be nothing in our invites about gifts either.

Nah, I get that you're not meaning to be holier than thou, but the last sentence kinda undo's the sentiment of the rest of the message.

gibson123

Is it just me!

Young couples spend years saving for their weddings, scrimping away and not going on holiday so that they can have a lovely day with all their friends and family, often spending a fortune on food and drink, favours and gifts. I think it is perfectly reasonable their guests treat them to a honeymoon rather than a gift they don't need.

I think its unacceptable to be offended by a perfectly reasonable request.

gadgeteer_2

jrrowleyws wrote: »

I like the idea of a justgiving page where guests can donate to charity instead of giving a gift. You could find a charity or two which means something to you both.

We've thought about this too. If many people would be offended then we may well go down this route.

I honestly can't remember the last time I went to a wedding and had a wedding present list. Must be at least a decade ago. Usually if nothing is specified then I just get some Next vouchers or whatever.

So what's the difference between getting Next/M&S vouchers and making a contribution towards a honeymoon?

Weddings are supposed to be about the bride & groom. I thought the general consensus was that it's their day, their way. So it strikes me as odd that people would object to making an optional contribution and would instead prefer to spend money on an unwanted gift?

Put bluntly I'd rather have £20 towards my honeymoon than a present I don't need for £50.

That said it would be wrong for the couple to depend upon the gifts to actually go on holiday. In our case we will be going whether friends/family contribute or not. Their generosity will simply mean we can spend more whilst we are there and not have to scrimp as much to get there.

duchy

continualdiamond wrote: »

However we ended up with so many wedding photo frames it wasn't funny. Most I do not use, simply because I am in a flat and do not want my lounge room filled with just photos from our wedding.

I went to a wedding weekend just gone and I got them a present, as no gift list or honeymoon fund was mentioned. However a wedding I am going to in Sept have asked for money towards a honeymoon, though they worded it nicely with saying the most important thing for them was that you (the guest) share their special day with them.

Did you give them one of your wedding photo frames ?

jtr2803

gibson123 wrote: »

Is it just me!

Young couples spend years saving for their weddings, scrimping away and not going on holiday so that they can have a lovely day with all their friends and family, often spending a fortune on food and drink, favours and gifts. I think it is perfectly reasonable their guests treat them to a honeymoon rather than a gift they don't need.

I think its unacceptable to be offended by a perfectly reasonable request.

Isn't it funny then that apart from when you are a child, the only time it is deemed 'acceptable' to send people a list of things you want them to buy you is when you get married? I find that truly puzzling, presumptuous and a little crass to be honest.

The whole point of wedding gifts was originally to help a newly married couple set up home together, something that wasn't done until the were married. So surely, if people live together and furnish their homes before they tie the knot then the need for gifts is null and void?

As TQ says, it's the sending them out with invites and/or those stupid poems that annoys me the most. You are assuming I am coming and bringing you a gift?

And lastly....if a couple want to have a ridiculously large and unnecessarily costly wedding the why on earth should their guests feel obliged to send them off on a nice holiday? I really don't get that part. If you can't afford both then save harder or cut your wedding down or delay it?!

This is obviously only my opinion and I appreciate others do not share it. I also understand that people do genuinely want to give gifts, mum mum has already told me she wants to give us money towards a honeymoon meal but I know she needs that money more than I do so I cannot reasonably accept it.

edited to add - I am bowing out now, there is no right or wrong way to deal with such requests, we all react in different ways and we will just go round in circles.